CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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/ CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Support Group

Unsupportive husband, nasty mother in law

gordos4
gordos4
My ES is actually from my first marriage, therefore, my husbands step son. I've always known he has never FULLY accepted Derek as his son, & my MIL has always been nasty to my 2 sons from my first marriage. I do not know where ES is, if he is ok, or even alive, living on the street, etc..My husband just dismisses the whole subject & tells me "you did the right thing my not letting him move home at almost 30 years old". I am his mother, & I DO worry about him & my heart is broken. My MIL said "Im glad you didn't let Derek move home, do you have any idea what kind of stress that would put on my son".. Unfreakin' believable! She has always viewed my sons as a "burden" on her little boy. BTW, my husband is a HUGE momma's boy. I knew this to some extent when I married him, but had NO idea how deep it ran. I want to divorce my husband, but can't right now because of my health & finances. I am almost 49 & the thought of starting over is terrifying. I have to remind myself of my wedding vows "for better, for worse". Theres way more to this story, but would take me all day to write it all down. I have NO support other than this site. The pain of what we are all going through is almost too much for me to handle at times. Sigh.....
TXBlue
TXBlue
I'm so sorry for your pain. Is there any counseling available for you? Someone at your church you can confide in? Praying for you. Keep posting, we truly care about you here.
gordos4
gordos4
TXBlue, thank you. I was seeing counselor, but she couldn't help me. I am relying on God more than anyone or anything. I live in a small town with a limited number of counselors, most of whom have major issues of their own lol. I wish I had sought out counseling earlier in my life, it's too late, & I am too far gone for regular counseling. Prayer & my new meds have helped TREMENDOUSLY. Do you live in Texas? I have always wanted to visit there. It's too scary to travel right now, what with the Ebola thing going on. Can't afford it anyway.
lindajoan
lindajoan
So sorry for all that you are going through. It is difficult when you do not have support in the home. The only one who can change our EC is God. Please remember that we understand and we are here to support you. Jesus will not fail you. He is with you always.
whyonlychild
whyonlychild
We are here for you and will support you. It's very unfortunate that there are no good counselors for you in your area. Do you live near any larger cities? Jesus is our Salvation and our Strength - a Mighty help in times of trouble. He will always be with you and never will forsake you. God our Father listens to our prayers and knows the heart break we are experiencing. Stay on your meds as prescribed and I think it is never too late for counseling if you can find the right person. I was having tremendous trouble with my brother a few years back and actually went to a psychiatrist who helped me tremendously and got my head to where it needed to be. Through God all things are possible. My first husband passed when I was 43 but I met my present, ever so precious husband at age 46 which is very close to your age. Nothing is impossible with God. We pray for you and your sons.
feellinghelpless
feellinghelpless
So sorry Gordos. I know how it feels My husband is a Momma's boy too. Didn't realize it until after we got married. We tried counseling, but he couldn't ever see how he needed to change. I live in a big city and there are few good counselors. Read some books on boundaries. When I started standing up for myself he started backing down. When ED left he told me it was all my fault. I finally said I couldn't handle the stress of ED being gone and him blameing me. If he was going to continue to blame me he could leave. I don't recommend that to everyone, but I knew he didn't want a divorce. He has come around and doesn't blame me anymore.
I can't remember why you didn't want your son home. Was it due to drugs or verbal abuse? I didn't know where my ED was for the longest time, but I knew she was with bf and not on the street. It's got to be a lot scarier to you. Know God knows where he is and will take care of him. There are plenty of homeless shelters with counselors there. Praying he finds a safe place to stay.
gordos4
gordos4
feelinghelpless, he has been verbally abusive, stole from me on the day of my dad's funeral, doing drugs in our home & was being aggressive with a knife. Mostly, it's been verbal abuse. I knew if I let him move home again, he would suck what little life I have left right out of me. I am worried about him having a roof over his head, food to eat, & his mental status.
Alana2
Alana2
Well, sounds like you did right in not letting him move in. But sounds like you feel guilty about it, too, or responsible for him in some way. You're not. When they grow up, they are in God's hands, and their own.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Gordos4, I understand how you feel about your ES. Mine was troubled from birth....setting fires in the middle of the night by age 3, stealing at 10 and breaking into neighbors homes and arrested by 15, then boys prison for 90 days, and next ran away in the night at 17 and even though a huge burden was lifted off me not having him in our home, I was also scared out of my mind for him and it was the worst thing in the world not knowing if he was ok or lying in some field dead in a shallow grave. He's going to be 35 in a few weeks, I haven't seen him in 5 years, have no idea where he is or even if he's ok, last I heard he was 2000 miles away on the West Coast. I truly do understand how it feels to not want their drama and abuse in your life, yet be out of your mind with worry not knowing if they are ok or not.

I can't imagine not having my DH's support or my MIL saying such things to me about my son. My heart breaks thinking you have to go through this alone without their understanding and compassion!

Hugs to you dear sister...keep all of us here close...we need you and you need us!!