It has been 6 years of being estranged with my son and DIL. In the beginning I too tried desperately to connect via email, phone and even visits by camper to where the live to try to talk one-on-one. Our DIL was absolutely determined to disconnect us from our son but we never, ever believed that he would consent to going along with her misconceptions and outright lies about us. But, he did. None of those attempts to reconnect worked for us. The attempts made it worse in many ways. The more we pushed, the more she dug her heels in and he simply went along with it. All we were trying to do was to communicate reasonably with her about her misunderstandings. We believed that she was an intelligent Christian girl that would surely see that she had been sorely wrong about us. It was revealed to us before they got married that she was a very controlling person (the reason her first marriage ended I believe). So, with us, no matter how much we tried nothing was going to change her decision.

I have been on DS long enough now to see attempts at communication work both ways. Sometimes repeated and continuous attempts work once in a while, but rarely. It is said that it often makes them angrier and more determined to cut ties even further.

Why does it work in some cases but not others? I'm still not sure what is the right answer. Dr. Coleman and many Christian leaders will say, "Never stop trying to bring peace otherwise they will think you just don't care about them." It worked for Dr. Coleman and it has worked for some others.

My personal opinion is that there are so many different personalities, levels of commitment to Christianity, no religious beliefs to fall back on, and situations that brought the estrangement about in the first place that it is almost impossible to determine which is the right way to go.

There seems to be a "fine line" that gets crossed on both sides but it is an invisible line. The difficulty is in knowing when we are right up against that point of no return if we cross over it.

My suggestion for you would be to back off a bit. Saturday to Monday means the attempts are every other day - with no response but silence. I would give her some space for a while to give her some time to miss you but still try in various ways. Cards at B-Days, Christmas as well as invites to family events. Offers to go to counseling together might be worth a try also.

One of the best suggestions that I can give you is to pray often and use the Serenity Prayer....

"God, please grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can change;
And the Wisdom to know the difference."

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live in peace with all people." Romans 12:18

To live in peace with all people...love that verse, because, no contact means peace I suppose. I just keep praying that God will give me a deep peace in my heart. I'm not there yet, but it is a place that I know that God is working on. Thanks for your words of wisdom GuelsMom. I am sure they help many others here too.

I tend think that it never hurts if it constructive tried do things communicated didn't need response but so he knew we cared even emailed few his friends say we still loved him hoped they support him during these times . some were rude to me some never responded few did then I took to what I call not asking God what I could do ? but asked God guide me be mother I felt he needed . sometimes we get locked who to blame not how it can be resolved we take stance feel hurt when we should feel sorry that we have been unable find way resolve problem , I chose think parables , bible stories , Prodical son , set about examining anger seems bring anger love seems bring love . I didnt have like behaviour he had but to change that I needed love him less myself even more so I be strong enough guide him not follow in destructive toxic relationship.