To demand you not go to the wedding or get divorced is wrong. I would suggest going to a counselor together and talking about it with the counselor.

I think it is downright cruel for both son and DH to put you in the middle like that. What unbelievable threats are getting tossed around!!!! This is so unfair to you. I am so, so sorry you have to be made to choose between two people you love.

I think some counseling is in order too.

Both son and husband are threatening you and it is wrong on both parts.,

You are correct in one thing though...going to sons wedding is a one time event...and one most of us would not want to miss...but he will be going on with his new life after the wedding (new wife...kids...family etc) which is as it should be of course. He will not be stepping in to take over his fathers place (your husband) in your life as far as support etc.

My suggestion is to go to the wedding with DH as it should be and let your son see you are united and he can take the next step.

Blessings...its a tough one !

AllK

See a Christian counsellor with your DH and also take DH to the wedding. You don't have to stay for the reception.

That is so sad, my heart goes out to you & prayers for the decision you are being forced to make. It is VERY unfair of both of them.

Counseling with husband is a very good idea. Hopefully, he will have a change of heart and say "honey, I support you in whichever decision you feel you have to make." That would be the big thing to do. The son is very wrong but I don't think I would write him off for it. My daughter asked my estranged brother to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I wanted to write her off for it, especially since I was paying most of the wedding costs, but I didn't. Then, miraculously, two weeks before the wedding my brother got a job assignment and couldn't attend. I felt like a second-hand suit but I swallowed my pride and walked my daughter down the aisle. We were also excluded from the formal picture-taking, but I dealt with it. It doesn't feel like it, but I think I did the right thing. Just try to do what you think is best and ignore the threats. It is very tough and I completely empathize. Blessings to you --EJ

I am sorry to hear what your ES has said. We will keep it in prayer that he may have a change of heart. It is a day that he can never redo and a decision that he may regret. Biblically, I believe, if anyone attends then you both must attend. A DH and wife must stick together.

I am also impressed that your husband has expressed willingness to apologize for whatever he has done to offend. If offered in a sincere manner, nothing more can be done. Its as if some of the children expect the parents to magically undo the past. There has to be a recognition that we all make mistakes. Parenting is a very hard job that cannot be done perfectly. In many cases, it doesn't really matter what the parents have done. The children will find something to hold against them because they are really having trouble adjusting to the real world and their role in that world. It is easy to blame the parents when you are a young person having trouble meeting your responsibilities. I believe in helping the grown children but they must be made to stand on their own two feet. Enabling them only makes matters worse and makes them often causes them to resent the parents even more. When my father kicked me out of the house one week after my high school graduation, I resented him for years. But when I came of age, I realized that that was the best thing he could have done for me because it made me "sink or swim." I joined the military and never looked back. Alot of young people say they would never join the military. That life is "not for them." They would rather lay around and play video games all day long and take advantage of Mom's good graces. My mother would have allowed that but my father wouldn't have it. Its strange how some grown children turn around and bite the hand that feeds them. They will have to learn the hard way, unfortunately.