Sitto, it is understandable that your emotions would still be so sensitive to outsiders being inquisitive because it has only been a short time since you have heard from your ED.

In the beginning of our estrangement I too did not want to discuss it with anyone. I was so upset over what had happened that I literally crawled into a hole by shutting of all family, friends and neighbors by moving away entirely. People I loved had hurt me too much and I had not reasonable explanation to give anyone that would have asked about our son.

I think that people who know the situation, like in this circumstance, for the most part mean well but probably just do not understand how much it has affected your life and how raw your emotions are concerning your ED and you at this stage of the game. It sounds to me that she is a caring person and not like many who just want to know the latest gossip. I would try to see it as just that and appreciate that you do seem to have someone to go to if you need to.

You could also go to her if you know her well enough and have a talk with her. You could explain how much you are hurt by this and that it is hard for you to talk about it right now. In a kind of way, you could ask her to refrain from bringing it up in the future and that you appreciate her friendship and the fact that she too cares about your ED.

I look back at a time when my niece was a teenager and doing things that I, my mother and my sister (her mother) were VERY concerned about too because we loved her as much as if she were our own. We asked about her in much the same way that your friend did and we did it because we cared.

No, it will never stop hurting but the pain, in time, will lessen to a degree that you can live with it and still find happiness in other, and perhaps newer, areas that you might not have pursued had an estrangement not occurred. For me, I have found joy in feeding and watching the birds interact in the winter. I have also found solace by working in my garden more than I did before. It just takes time for the heartache to subside. Stick with us. We are here for you at times like this my friend. (((HUGS)))

Sitto..I know that others try to talk about our estranged adult kids, but they just don't understand the pain that talking about them can cause. So, from what you shared, I don't think that she meant to hurt you, but was just wanting to express her missing your ED as well. Does she know the story of what's happened lately?? Sometimes, people who are not aware of our children's rejection of us, have no clue that they are asking deeply hurtful questions..questions that we just can't answer.
In my case, I don't have many people asking about my ES because I tend to talk about many other things happening in my life, and painfully avoid any topic concerning my ES and his family.
My own mother has participated in the rejection and has enabled my son to be this way. The problem that I am now facing is that I also have to comfort my two younger adult children, who are being treated the same way..and they don't deserve being ignored by their older brother either.
God knows our deep pain over all of this. Just need to be gracious about people who may be only asking out of curiosity, and who surely don't want to increase your emotional pain..
We understand your emotional pain and so glad you feel safe to vent and post your feelings here..we truly understand because we are experiencing the same type of pain as you.
(((hugs))) Maddie

I'm also new to this crisis. My ED left a little over a month ago. I have a friend who's daughter left a little over a year ago and recommended this site plus a book someone mentioned on here: When Parents Hurt. I wish I read that before my daughter left as it gives advice while you're still at odds with your child at home. It also gives very good advice how to handle a child that has left and doesn't want anymore contact. Very practical advice of how to grieve and take care of yourself.