Sovery,, your son should have learned at least one thing in camp...that vows are sacred with God, and a repentent heart needs to be forgiven, he is wrong to pull a "condition card" just so his loving mom can see him.. he is punishing you,, He is playing God, by judging , and calling the laws, which arent biblical,, if he is open to talking to you and his relationship with God is important to him, then I would gently remind him of this , and see if a pastor (who is real) could be a mediator to get this out in the open , and healed huggs, These kids need clarification, was this parental guidance??? or was he chained, fed bread and water, and abused.. society allows anger and blame to blow out of proportion

Wise words glazzbird. Perhaps a gf is pushing your son to create reasons to bring estrangement into your family. I know that is what happened with us.

And some yelling is natural as we raise teenagers. Not that any parent wants to yell, but it does happen. It doesn't sound like your husband beat him. Is your husband his biological father?

I truly believe in God first, husband second and children third. But we shouldn't have to chose between husband and children.

sovery, Our ED twisted the truth of parenting for being controlled and not condoning with praise everything she did as being negative and unloving. It brought her lots of attention and pity, as she wanted, by those who did not know us (enablers).

As I shared before, as a Christian young man he should not want to alienate you from your husband (his father?). That is not showing you love and sensitivity. Of course, he is young and may not see that, yet. Pray that God will open his eyes to forgiveness and kindness for his mother.

I agree with what everyone has said...obviously 3 summers of Bible Camp gave him the wrong idea of what the Bible and God are all about.

Noone and I mean no one is allowed to put "conditions" like that on anyone...he is punishing YOU not your DH (who has already apologized to son)...dont buy his story.

AllK

Hmm... I really have 2 ask this but something is very fishy here how well were these kids superviesed once the other kids were in bed? And where does he see God in this behavior? I agree with what everyone has said. If they were indeed instilling Christian values then your son should be well versed in christian behavior. It sounds like he's pushing for something more than just a little more freedom & you might just like to recall - if you can:) how many times your son has yelled at you or your husband.
I never once smanked my youngest daughter because she was such a good little girl till she turned 12 then instead of being chained in a dungeon & fed bread & water she tells people her mother stole her childhood but does not disclose the fact that she felt chained 2 me but boasts how she was neglected & forced to wash her own clothes & cook her own meals & some of the time she did have to do this but I called her on the lie that she had to walk to the laundramat @ 10 on Sunday night because she had no clean clothes. When R washer died one of my oldest friends replaced it with 1 he could afford @ the time & the same with the stove but she doesn't remember any of this nor does she remember or take responsibilty for anything she said or did no matter how much it hurt me & she has never changed she has just gotten worse but my prayer for her is that someday that sweet little girl will re-emerge from the shadows
But as for your situation sovery, I would call him & say "Son we need 2 talk" & then when U R facing him ask him what he thinks jesus would think about you leaving your husband to meet "his" conditions I think it would be very enlighting for U & remember if he wins this time he will play this card again for the rest of your life because he will have found out how to control & manipulate U. love martha

sovery, I know your story, and I also don't see it right for you to be put in this position. He will IN TIMe,,,,once he grows up and maybe it could take a year or two, but he is stuck in the blame-shifting position.

The other thing that comes to mind is this is real dad or step dad, makes a huge difference. Choosing a child over a man....well, not a great idea, but if he is a Christian man he can obviously understand what a sincere apology looks like.

I saw a family therapist and unfortunately, even if it was your husband, they will target YOU, does he treat you with respect?..

I would work on just rebuilding your relationship with your son, and don't force the issue with Dad, my DH and my sons are not on the best terms, but a crisis like death, or a holiday may soften him. Keep them both in your prayers!!! This is beyond your control, comes to mind...the serenity prayer.

Message me anytime sister.

Blessings,
Judy

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers and you are all right. I do believe the gf is a big part of this whole thing. I've tried to form a relationship with her but she is not receptive. I believe that she tries to keep es stirred up about things so he won't see us. While son was at Bible camp we found out that the older boys who had cars all got together and rode around after 11 p.m. So beginning at age 15 he got a big taste of freedom and no rules. We didn't find out about this until after he left home. We live on a modest income but we gave our son everything he needed and sometimes we had to put it on a credit card because we didn't have the money. He didn't have a car but we let him drive ours pretty much whenever he wanted. We extended his curfew as he got older. He didn't get many spankings but did sometimes. But they were on his seat. We did give him a few chores like taking out the trash and cleaning his room but he didn't get many. My husband did ask him sometimes to help him prepare dinner when he was a teen, while I was at work. I have told es he needs to forgive, as Christ forgave us. My son is a Christian and is attending Christian college so he knows the Bible and what is expected of us as a Christian but he refuses to forgive. My husband is his biological father. I pray that God will soften his heart and his girlfriend's too.

As a note, my husband and I have normal ups and downs but usually get along wonderfully except for this estrangement mess and some trouble from our children from previous marriages sometimes.

So many times young people and their relationships do not last. A college aged guy (I have 3 sons) is young and immature. Most are not ready for marriage emotionally speaking. This relationship may not last. Pray that your ES hears God's voice and obeys.

One of satan's favorite tactics - divide and conquer. You know the saying about a house divided against itself. Put on your full armor and battle against the spiritual forces of the air. Remember Daniel's fight from Daniel 10:13. What needs to change is your son's heart condition and only God can "work" there.