There are only two degrees of guilt - false guilt and true guilt. Ignore one and take heed to the other.

I love your statement Guelsmom...,

False quilt is usually projected onto us by someone else and we take it...

True guilt we ALL know deep down inside our hearts and souls...

It pays to be reminded of these elemental truths...thanks again Guelsmom !!!!!!!!!!

AllK

Thanks All....but it was not my original thought. I heard/read that somewhere quite some time ago and that has always helped me to sort things out and bounce things off.

Many ways of our EC are not the ways of Jesus. He convicts us in our spirit of sin and wrongdoing but pounding us with guilt is more the work of the enemy. Anyone who does not want to be accountable for their own actions pass the buck so to speak. It started in the garden.

I wasn't trying to say it was false or true guilt, it's just what he does. Im learning to let go of the guilt I know is his, not mine.

Gee gordos....I think I/we were in agreement with you. Just let go of the false guilt your son hurls at you. Don't take in on yourself. It only drags you down. If he sees that he is getting to you then he is only going to continue doing it. We don't want you to end up feeling guilty for things that you know are not true. We all have barely have enough to keep up with our true guilt let alone spend wasted time feeling guilty for things we know are not true.

PEACE

I was just wondering if anyone's EC does this to them. Sometimes, if I think about things too long, I start thinking "wow, maybe that IS my fault"
I have to remind myself that guilt is of the evil one, NOT of God. I call "true" guilt, my conscience, but even then God wants us to repent & do better, NOT feel guilt. It eats your insides.

PEACE!

I was avoiding reading this because I was afraid another 12 stepp thingy and I was gonna find out I wasnt doing that right either,,, lol,, Guilt is my middle name , but it helps to separate as mom-g says,,, I think of the dinosaur from Toy Story "I have guilt!!" yup Im a brontsauras.... good noc ladies!!!

This is how I look at it...I don't know what kind of childhood you had or your child had, but at some point, you have to focus on the now. Ive said this before if you have one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow you PEE on today...sorry if this sounds rude. BUt its true. We all have baggage of some sort. At some point, we either get help for the past hurt. You can certainly say to your son, I am sorry you feel I was not a good enough Mom, I am sorry you are hurt from some things I did as a parent, however, it is your life now and you are in control of NOW and the future and only you can do something about it. Blameshifting is also a big problem I have with my twins, not taking accountability. Really, my son went into the mental hospital 12 times over 5 years because I made the decision, did he need to go...at the time, it seemed like the necessary option. He learned a lot from those experiences, some of the time it was traumatizing, but not really, ....bottom line is blame keeps us from being accountable, it also keeps our focus on the past. Your son needs to build a bridge...then climb over it. He is a man now, and he can create his own destiny or be an old man blaming you for all his failures? Come on,....really? Oprah...extreme example , but she was sexually molested, and there were lots of people whove had really rough childhoods, it made them stronger or gave them a realization for what "rough" truly is. God allows trials to help us grow. My trials have been many and I pray the Lord gives me mercy and takes a brake from the trials...but Im in one now...take that vulnerable time, pray, and let the Lord do a work in you. Ive been on my knees a lot this past year, but even at 48, I have a lot to learn...Bless you I understand how hard it is to be a mother of 4 and focus on our own growth....no time right?
Hugs my friend'

Thank you Sarahsma, Not to garner any sympathy but my childhood was traumatic to say the least. In a nutshell:alcoholic/drug addicted mother, alcoholic/narcissistic father, sexual abuse by my step-dad, physical beatings from my step-dad, dumped off on my dad at 8 years old, & he was verbally abusive I KNOW the only reason I survived was because God & my guardian angel took care of me. Even with all I went through, I DO NOT blame my dad for any mistakes I made, I forgave my mom a long time ago, and would never tell off my dad or disrespect him, & if anyone deserved it, he did. My whole life's motivation was to be a better mother than mine was, & up until all this started with my ES, I thought I had done a good job. My hubby & I were home bodies, never went out, didn't get drunk or do drugs in front of them, & I only spanked their little fannies when they needed it :-) The thing I feel the most guilt for is this: I passed down the depression gene to my kids. I KNOW that isn't my fault, I didn't do it on purpose with malice aforethought. Go figure! I have been reciting the "breaking generational curse" prayer for weeks. Hopefully, God will answer that prayer & the cycle will end with my sons. My childhood definitely made me tougher/stronger. That I am thankful for.