CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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caregiver1958 06/04/2014

On May 21 I went into a 2 hour surgery to remove my gall bladder , however it turned into a 51/2 hour complicated surgery to fix a hernia and twisted bowel , of which we had no idea of .

Weeks before the surgery my youngest son , who had been estranged to me for years but is now in my life ( if you can call it that ) knew about the surgery , and had no called me , nor did he tell my ED . He just didn't care . I have had a rough go of it all , and the only child I have whom is in prison even cared to write me or call , send me prayers , etc .

I had to go back in the ER twice because of dehydration and inflammations , and not once did he even call about me . The Dr says he doesn't know how I had been walking around and living the way I was ....

When I went into surgery , I was thinking of my kids , when I woke up , I had hoped to see one of the two there , I posted the hospital I'd be in on my fb ... I sent messages out .... I was to say the least , shattered again ...

But today after recovering and healing the wounds from my surgery I am also healing from the loss of the children who don't have an ounce of my blood in them , the love and compassion I tried to show them , and took their pics off my walls so the visual hurt is not there anymore ....

I love my children , and my grandchildren , but I love me more now , it has to end , the self hurt of living thru memories of the pics on my wall of a time that's past

deleted_user 06/04/2014

So sorry for the cold indifference by your kids during your time of need. These messages (by the lack of interest) are painful indeed. I have not yet had to face medical issues yet in estrangement because it has not been that long, but I can understand what indifference means to my DH and I....it just hurts!

I have not yet been driven to the point of removing all memories of my ED as I still have so much hope. I truly hope it never comes to that. No parent should feel compelled to do this out of self preservation. Memories should bring smiles to our faces, not tears.

Hope and pray that you get through this time and recover to better than before health wise.

deleted_user 06/04/2014

Caregiver, I'm so sorry for your pain. Like you, I took down photos for a long while, then put them up again when I felt stronger. Sometimes it's easier not to have constant reminders.

edr1961 06/04/2014

i understand how you feel,i had surgery on april 16 and my oldest son called the night before,and my youngestcameto hospital that morning to be with his dad but as soon as they wheeled me in the or he left and didnt come back.I felt crushed when my husband told me.My pic are still up and we are not totally estranged but we wont ask for help,we walk on eggshells we are very uncomfortable around both of them.I am so sorry you have to go through this

caneglect 06/04/2014

I am sorry you are going through this, I don't have pics of my daughter around anyone either. I have them, they just are not in plain view with the exception of one. I don't and will never understand the cruelty of these children. My ED could care less if I lived or died, in fact I think she does wish me dead. Twisted people, I am so sorry they are not there in your time of need. Didn't someone post something about our EC's seeing or hearing of us being ill or sick to get their attention? My ED wasn't around and was an absolute rude little creature when I went through some major surgery many years ago, thankfully my Mom was there and called her on it! Well my Mom and her other Grandmother have both passed now, so there is no one to call her on her obnoxious behavior anymore. Thank God I have true family and friends that do care. I am so sorry and I wish you a speedy recovery, it is so hard not to dwell on what we don't have....but I am becoming more and more convinced that these EC's have no empathy, not sure if it was something we fed them or they were born that way, but it just does not seem to be there. Prayers, hugs and best wishes in your recovery!!!!!

lindajoan 06/04/2014

Caregiver, I hope you are feeling better. Our EC are into their own worlds (our ED is). Very self-centered. They can not be counted upon. They are not living as servants as Jesus has called is to help and give to one another. Early on in estrangement I took our ED's picture off of the wall in my bedroom. My other 3 children remain. It is a wall of honor. One day I would rejoice to put it back up.

SpringWaters2014 06/04/2014

Caregiver, periodically I have to take some of my pics down too. It is very therapeutic for me to have that control and feel justified in doing so. Then when I am feeling stronger I can put them up again....or just some of them, whatever makes me feel better at the time. I am not obligated to have pictures up in my own home that bring on heart ache or bad memories that give me a set back.

caregiver1958 06/04/2014

I have three of the most amazing furbabies ( 2 Dogs and a cat ) who are with me at all times , except at work and they love me unconditionally ... their pics will be going up on the walls this weekend !!!

Thank you all for the positive thoughts and words , it means a lot to know there are others who endure the same type on nonsense from our EC

deleted_user 06/05/2014

I have only one pic left up on the wall of our ES. It is a picture of him and DH walking away from me and down a leaf strewn path during fall foliage in the mountains of NH. He was about 9 or 10 at the time and I have always loved the pic. I keep it for that reason and because I don't have to look at his handsome smiling face and twinkling eyes. Those just hurt too much. I see the real son in those kind of pics but he is no longer the same son that has now allowed us to be cut out of all his family pictures that we would be in if we were not estranged.

kathysau 06/08/2014

I was sick in the hospital also ..... No.response from either of my daughters. All pics have come down.... I would cry every time I saw them. Take care of you!

soverysadmom 06/12/2014

Caregiver, I'm sorry you have to endure this pain along with being physically sick.That is so sad. The last time I mentioned to my es his father's illness, he told me I was just trying to make him feel guilty and he wasn't coming. So I told myself, I will not tell him (or any of our other children) since none of them really care. Prayers for your recovery.

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