Your daughter is not thinking straight OR thinking for herself. Her husband sounds very controlling. Until she can see that, it will probably continue, Im sorry. I know how you feel, & it's the worst feeling in the world. Im at the point where I don't WANT to hear from my ES, he is just verbally abusive when he does contact me. Just pray that your daughter will get the strength to stand up to her husband. ((hugs))

I am not sure there will ever be a time when estrangement does not hurt us caring parents. Nothing could have prepared us for this, you are right.

Pray and see how you are led or not to contact your ED. I tried for 2 years and although through texts, emails, and calls I thought I might be getting somewhere there was always an enabler (bf) on the other end discouraging reconciliation and family contact.

Timing is different for everyone and it has only been 6 weeks since you have not had contact. At that point in estrangement I would send a card. Two years in to it and knowing how the Lord is leading me I will not be reaching out except through prayer. That is the most I can do for our ED.

autumnwind....I may be drawing the wrong conclusion but it sounds to me like you are very stressed right now. At 6 weeks into our estrangement saga, I was stressed to the max too (if you are). I kept trying and trying to fix this thing bus sending email after email after email. But all it did was make them did their heels in further and back away even more. In our situation I believe it was because my son was protecting his wife from acknowledging her/actions. Our estrangement began at the time our first grandchild was to be born. I know what happened to generate her actions even though they are total ungrounded, but in her mind they are absolutely real It sounds to me like you Ed has not called because of something that happened surrounding that birth like it did mine by any chance?

Also, it is not uncommon to want to have that first child all to themselves during the early stages because of so much attention the baby needs and the newness of it. Could this be a factor too perhaps?

I'm off to bed but I think others will be here shortly to help you more. God Bless

I know from my kids, backing off was when things started to get better. she will do things with her baby and she will begin to talk and think like her mama, and she will miss you, unfortunately sometimes it takes a few months, if nothing transpired then that has to really confuse you. Controlling inlaws are dominating and its like we are practically stalking them to get a straight answer. This is going to be tough, but pray and maybe write it down and be very specific about what you pray, this helps me and I promise you lean on the Lord and he will comfort you. During the last time at that stage I had to be gone, working out, just anything to keep from going mad....reading books on reconciling, letting go, and those brought me much comfort. I think we get fixated on it too. Most reconciliation happens after parents reach the point of letting go, its still fresh, I highly doubt it will be forever, but I understand the fear of that.

If you were blocked then its a power thing for sure.

I know it hurts.

Thank you for your replies. Sarahsma, it is definitely a power thing. This has actually been on and off since they got married. Always threatening to end the relationship. But this last time, when my daughters husband titled his email "Your are dead to us" talking about my husband and myself I knew it is going to be along time before I heard from her. He thinks he is superior. Like I mentioned in a previous letter he is definetly has NPD. It is nothing but jealousy, he couldn't stand when she would call me. I knew never to talk about him with my daughter. He is someone that you should stay away from, he does try to destroy your life. I do fear for her, but I cant do anything unless she wants me too. Right now, I am not sure if even a letter sent thru the mail, would get to her. I find comfort here. I would go absolutely out of my mind if I couldn't write here. Of course like most of us there is so much more involved but it would take a book to write. But the bottom line is she couldn't have been loved anymore than she is.

autumnwind, I hurt for you also. It seems that when our grown adult children get married, or live with a partner and leave home, well, there's no guarantee that they will stay in contact with us.

In your situation, from what you've shared, it seems more like an emotionally abusive husband is controlling your daughter. She should be able to have any relationship she wants, and he has over stepped by insisting you stop contacting her. If this isn't coming directly from your daughter, I would say that she is being controlled...and this is truly unhealthy for everyone concerned. My heart goes out to you.

My ES was married 6 years ago to a young woman who was very possessive of his time. She even got upset whenever my son (her new husband) called to talk to his sister on occasion. My ES has made direct requests to us to not contact them...but this seemed so odd to us because he was so close to all of his family before he got married. It got so bad though, that we accidentally found out when they were expecting their child..we were the last to find out. And I was so excited about becoming a first time grandmother, that I offered to host a baby shower, and only told: "No, don't bother, she wouldn't come".
Then I asked my ES.."tell me when and where there will be any baby shower..I have so much to give you for the baby".
At least we were invited to the hospital to meet this dear grandson..the second day of his life. We understood that they wanted "private" time. However, it got really strange when we weren't allowed to be in the room without my DIL's mother there...and I happened to say "Now, we can have that baby shower" and her mother responded sarcastically: "No...they've already had two showers and they have everything they need." You can imagine the shock of never being told, not being invited..and just plain disrespected at that moment in time. My DIL has very controlling parents..I don't even blame my DIL, in fact I really feel she is the victim of their over control in her life.

I said nothing. God kept me mute...it was better that way. I just looked over at my ES..with very sad eyes, and a few tears just ready to explode. My ES has never apologized for not telling me, not standing up for his family. What's worse in my family situation..the dysfunction includes my own sisters and Mom..they were invited to one of those baby showers. Can you imagine the thoughts going through the minds of others at the baby shower??? "Why wasn't I there??" Did the other guests know that I was never told about the gathering? Never invited? What kind of people invite the "great aunts and great grandmother of the baby to be and not the rightful grandmother?? You can see that God has had to help me forgive my sisters, my Mother...they never told me..I found out this happened almost a year beyond the event. You can see how this estrangement involves my sisters and Mother enabling the estrangement. I pray daily for them. It's so sad that they all think it's ok to treat me so badly.

My daughter who is now married (this past summer), had a very small wedding. She is so hurt by her aunts (my sisters) and her grandmother (my Mom) that she decided to not invite them to her wedding. It wasn't what I thought was right..two wrongs don't make a right...and believe it or not..I told her to invite them, and probably they won't come because I will be there. My daughter is very faithful to my husband & I, and she was so upset by the way my family treated us, (she wasn't included in the baby shower invites)..anyway, I was hoping her wedding would be a day of reconciliation..but it was her decision. None of this helps with reconciliation when there's continued bad treatment..may the Lord have mercy on us all!

autumnwind..all I can say, is give them the space they are demanding for now. Six weeks isn't that long.....6 months not much better, but hopefully your daughter will stand up for herself and make arrangements with you to see her and the baby. Her husband is not being loving...just like my DIL's parents forcing my own son (ES) to cut himself off from us. They are all without God in their lives...but God is able to reach them and speak to their hearts.

So glad you are here to share with us. Many here understand the pain of being cut off from our loved ones...(((hugs)))
Maddie

Thank you for your reply sadmad11. I know it has only been six weeks, but it is a cycle. My husband and I weren't even allowed to visit my daughter in the hospital when she had our granddaughter. The times I did get to see my daughter and granddaughter, my daughter was always happy when we were away from her husband. Its really a sad situation. Everyone in the family is baffled by this. Its nothing but Jealousy. I guess it is so hard, because I have never come up against this type of personality. I have always tried to be a peacemaker. It angers him more when I do try to make peace. I can only pray for both of them. But I say a special pray for my daughter and grand daughters safety. This is a wonderful site to be on for support and encouragement. I wish I knew everyone of these ladies and gentlemen here personally. But we do share a common bond. I am right with you.

AutumnWind, I can so relate to you. When was the last time you actually talked to your daughter. Since my estrangement started a little over a year and a half ago I haven't talked to my daughter. I used to talk to her bf in the begining and he would say my daughter didn't want anything to do with me. I always told him I wouldn't believe it unless I heard it from her myself. I would stick to that.
I recently found her address. She doesn't know I have it. I've been praying about it and am thinking of sending her a Valentine. If I knew if she was working and where at I would send it there, so bf wouldn't see it.
I'm praying right now for wisdom, for God to prepare her heart now for when she gets it and she'll get it before her bf.