CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Well, after leaving several messages on my ED's cell phone, I spoke with her last week. She has been living with her abusive BF and his parents, is due in Dec. and has returned to work. I got to hear her voice and told her I had been calling her and was glad she answered this time. Our ED was very angry and told me she did not want to speak with me until she was ready to do so. I told her that I wanted us to be a family again and pray every day that Our Lord will make that happen. She was weepy and sad.
I realize why she is so angry: she got herself into trouble (pregnancy), involved with this BF and now she is forever connected to him because of the baby. My husband and I did not react very well about all of this and my husband basically told her to leave. I believe our ED is so angry because she feels that we let her down by not being supportive of her during this time.
I see now that we were not very kind and compassionate towards our ED in her time of need and we should have been more caring and accept what she has gotten herself into at this time. She cannot help who she is and we must accept her and love her regardless of what she has done in her life.
Our Lord's love is unconditional for us and we should have shown our ED the same kind of love, regardless of what has transpired. There should be no conditions on our love for our ED and I hope that soon we will be able to see her and put the pieces back into our lives and be a family again.
I realize why she is so angry: she got herself into trouble (pregnancy), involved with this BF and now she is forever connected to him because of the baby. My husband and I did not react very well about all of this and my husband basically told her to leave. I believe our ED is so angry because she feels that we let her down by not being supportive of her during this time.
I see now that we were not very kind and compassionate towards our ED in her time of need and we should have been more caring and accept what she has gotten herself into at this time. She cannot help who she is and we must accept her and love her regardless of what she has done in her life.
Our Lord's love is unconditional for us and we should have shown our ED the same kind of love, regardless of what has transpired. There should be no conditions on our love for our ED and I hope that soon we will be able to see her and put the pieces back into our lives and be a family again.
I was heartened to see humility in knowing what mistakes you made. I am hoping and assuming that you said these humbling admissions to her also? It also sounds to me that even though she was angry with the way you responded, she still loved you both.
Please keep us posted of the progress?
GodBless,
GuelsMom
The main thing I had to give my guilt to God. I know He forgives me and understands. I pray someday my ED and yours will someday too. Maybe after she has her baby her heart will soften and she'll want her mom again. Hopefully sooner.
So glad that you were able to connect. Last August, my son finally called and spoke to me on the phone, after over a very long period of silence. We kept the conversation light, and it still felt like I was "walking on eggshells"..measuring every word. It is now October, and still, we have not been able to see each other, and he still has the "wall" up between us, so I am still being denied a visit with my baby grandson. One thing about hearing someone's voice..you can judge their emotions a lot better because of the "tone" of voice. That's the one problem with letters/text messages/emails..the emotional component is missing, unless you happen to be a professional writer, who is able to express the emotional part really well.
Be encouraged by her step to call you back. Keep hoping for the best in the near future.
I am still hoping for another positive connection, and keeping my eyes on the Lord, who is helping us work things out. I still respect my ES boundaries, and wait for him to make the next step....all I can do really.
"Baby steps..baby steps. I just am yearning so much to see my baby grandson's steps..but that is completely up to my son..he still has the control over that part. I know the Lord has complete control..which over rides the control my ES has..so I put my trust in the Lord's control over this important relationship.
Thanks for sharing your good news...it gives us all hope.