CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
It's my ES's birthday today.
Just to recap my journey....
We have been estranged since May 2014, after some horrible accusations and many cruel things said to others and to my face, about my mothering. I made two attempts to contact him and it was met with more cruel comments to me. After some time had passed, he made an attempt to apologize for his actions against me, but before the end of his phone call he was insulting me, again. I left him alone for 3 months. After 3 months he contacted me again and insulted me some more. I didn't know how much more I could take. I just left him alone. Then a week before his birthday, he wrote me this very "loving" email. He is a manipulator and I suspected that he was doing this so I would send him money as a gift. I didn't know what to think, anymore. He could be sincere. He could be manipulating.
I found this site and communicated with several of you, via posts and emails. I was tossed about how to handle his birthday. I prayed and I know many of you prayed for me. I decided to send him some money....not a great amount, but enough for him to buy something nice for himself, if he chose. I had a different attitude this time. I did it with no expectations of him reconciling with me. I did it just because I love him and I wanted to send that message to him on his birthday, whether he accepted it or not.
At 7:00 AM this morning I got a message from the e-card company and the bank that he had opened his card and accepted the money transfer. Within an hour I got this email from him....
My first birthday message today was from you, my mom. I owe you so much, and love you despite all our temporary issues, distance and time. I love you and am so happy about your new life in S_____. Thanks for just being you, mom - I have benefitted greatly from your love and attention and will always love you and cherish having a mother.
I am working all day today at a clients office, interviewing some people for their strategy - so I won't be on my phone for a call, but will give you a shout this weekend, so we can catch up.
Much love and thanks for the $______ - it went straight into savings!
xoxx
Well, that's it! Needless to say my mother's heart is rejoicing and I haven't stopped crying tears of joy. But I am also being cautious. He has done this before and then turned on me, instantly. We will see what happens, but I think it is a good start.
I plan on staying in touch with all of you, on this site, still. I think my son and I have a long way to go. I have benefited from all of your wisdom and prayers and feel that I still have much to learn.
Thank you all for your love, prayers and support!
Just to recap my journey....
We have been estranged since May 2014, after some horrible accusations and many cruel things said to others and to my face, about my mothering. I made two attempts to contact him and it was met with more cruel comments to me. After some time had passed, he made an attempt to apologize for his actions against me, but before the end of his phone call he was insulting me, again. I left him alone for 3 months. After 3 months he contacted me again and insulted me some more. I didn't know how much more I could take. I just left him alone. Then a week before his birthday, he wrote me this very "loving" email. He is a manipulator and I suspected that he was doing this so I would send him money as a gift. I didn't know what to think, anymore. He could be sincere. He could be manipulating.
I found this site and communicated with several of you, via posts and emails. I was tossed about how to handle his birthday. I prayed and I know many of you prayed for me. I decided to send him some money....not a great amount, but enough for him to buy something nice for himself, if he chose. I had a different attitude this time. I did it with no expectations of him reconciling with me. I did it just because I love him and I wanted to send that message to him on his birthday, whether he accepted it or not.
At 7:00 AM this morning I got a message from the e-card company and the bank that he had opened his card and accepted the money transfer. Within an hour I got this email from him....
My first birthday message today was from you, my mom. I owe you so much, and love you despite all our temporary issues, distance and time. I love you and am so happy about your new life in S_____. Thanks for just being you, mom - I have benefitted greatly from your love and attention and will always love you and cherish having a mother.
I am working all day today at a clients office, interviewing some people for their strategy - so I won't be on my phone for a call, but will give you a shout this weekend, so we can catch up.
Much love and thanks for the $______ - it went straight into savings!
xoxx
Well, that's it! Needless to say my mother's heart is rejoicing and I haven't stopped crying tears of joy. But I am also being cautious. He has done this before and then turned on me, instantly. We will see what happens, but I think it is a good start.
I plan on staying in touch with all of you, on this site, still. I think my son and I have a long way to go. I have benefited from all of your wisdom and prayers and feel that I still have much to learn.
Thank you all for your love, prayers and support!
Still, I hate to say it, but be cautious. Your estrangement is not very long, so you have great hope. I've gotten a couple crumbs in these 2+ years and get so dissapointed when I think she's turning around only to realize she hasn't. Still, God's working on our EC and we have to trust that someday there will be a complete heart change
I did a similar thing last year for my son's birthday which is 11/24. It is an encouraging testimony so will share it here with everyone.
Like Mommadarling, the Holy Spirit did a work in my heart a year ago about my oldest son's birthday. We had had no contact with each other in about 2 years. When November arrived, the Holy Spirit started working on my heart about gifts and how we honor someone with our gifts. Then He let me know that I needed to "honor" my first born on his birthday last year. Not only that, but that I needed to sacrifice and honor him with a special gift that spoke to him of his place in my life as my first born (study first borns in the Bible and see how God says they are honored above the rest...a double portion for their inheritance for one thing...) and that spoke of my great love for him inspite of our disappointments and disagreements with each other.
So DH and I sacrificed and spent a lot of money and bought him a gift that we knew he'd be thrilled to get. We bought a really nice card that kept it light, yet let him know we wanted only the best and happiness for him and that we hoped he was living his dreams...
We shipped it and it came back from the shipper confirmed delivery so we knew he got it. And we never heard a word, not one...did not know if he burnt it or loved it....until just a few days ago when I was friended by our DIL and allowed on her FB page, then I saw the gift being used in a video...well that told me something....he was not so mad at us that he rejected our love sent in the form of a gift...he just wasn't over all the hurt between us yet enough to want to talk to us or thank us....the not thanking was his way of making a point..."I'm still hurting and mad!" But the acceptance of the gift said...I do accept your love!!!
Perhaps I have an edge here with this son that others might not have....he and I are a lot alike so I understand how and why he reacts and what it takes to be able to get me to listen when I am hurt and angry....so in that much I do have an advantage....but still ladies the key to it all is listening to the Holy Spirit's nudges and promptings like Mommadarling has testified she did and then letting Him work and trusting He is even when you see no results for months and months...it took me a year to get knowledge here about my gift...but God did show me when the time was right!
Also, lost, thank you for sharing these answers to prayer with us.
God is always working behind the scenes. It is so hard when we do not see progress with our EC. It is times like these that we need to stay close to the Lord. He will always be there for us.