CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
My husband and I were talking at supper tonight about our planned trip to see our oldest Grand daughter in a traveling Broadway production out of state. Knowing that her Mom, our oldest ED can't afford to travel, I told my husband that it would be nice to give her the option to come with us or meet us there and she could stay in the motorhome since she doesn't have much money.
He agreed that it might be a good idea and he suggested I text her. I did not have my phone and he doesn't really know how to text.... I told him to give me his phone and I would send it. I typed word for word what he said and didn't sign anything at the end.
She texted him back.... telling him that she already had plans to get there, how much she missed HIM, how I didn't tell the truth about something..... I said it, but she didn't..... how she wished things weren't like this.... etc. The entire reply was a tone of "poor me, it's Mom's fault". The same story again and again. She told her Dad that her sister had filled in everything in the middle the last time he spoke with her in November. We're unsure what she meant by that.
She also told him that she would be working this weekend (she is a beautician) and wished him a Happy Father's Day. (When I texted her Happy Mother's Day, I didn't get a response).
I know I am not a bad person. I have been a nurse over 40 years. I still have friends from childhood. I don't have any siblings, but I have friends that are just like my sisters or brothers. We've been happily married for over 40 years,
I want to make amends, have a cordial relationship with both my daughters, but I can see it's going to be very hard, if not impossible. I jokingly told my husband maybe we should get a divorce so he could have a relationship with our daughters again.
For some reason, they both have some type of grudge against me. I can't figure out what or why and don't know where this path is going. I just don't want more heartaches.
He agreed that it might be a good idea and he suggested I text her. I did not have my phone and he doesn't really know how to text.... I told him to give me his phone and I would send it. I typed word for word what he said and didn't sign anything at the end.
She texted him back.... telling him that she already had plans to get there, how much she missed HIM, how I didn't tell the truth about something..... I said it, but she didn't..... how she wished things weren't like this.... etc. The entire reply was a tone of "poor me, it's Mom's fault". The same story again and again. She told her Dad that her sister had filled in everything in the middle the last time he spoke with her in November. We're unsure what she meant by that.
She also told him that she would be working this weekend (she is a beautician) and wished him a Happy Father's Day. (When I texted her Happy Mother's Day, I didn't get a response).
I know I am not a bad person. I have been a nurse over 40 years. I still have friends from childhood. I don't have any siblings, but I have friends that are just like my sisters or brothers. We've been happily married for over 40 years,
I want to make amends, have a cordial relationship with both my daughters, but I can see it's going to be very hard, if not impossible. I jokingly told my husband maybe we should get a divorce so he could have a relationship with our daughters again.
For some reason, they both have some type of grudge against me. I can't figure out what or why and don't know where this path is going. I just don't want more heartaches.
At this point, it seems as though you do not know what is in her head that she believes with her whole heart is true. She needs to communicate what that is to the RIGHT people so that it can be discussed. IF what she said has any validity to it, then apologize for it. If not then she has an obligation to apologize for falsely assuming something that was not true. Then forgiveness is in order.
Have you ever suggest she get counseling for this? What if you suggest having a mediator work with both of you separately and then together?
As for the Broadway show event goes, I don't think having her stay with you in the motor-home would be the time for this discussion. It could go good or terribly wrong. However, you could text back and say that you are willing to take her to dinner and discuss the matter...with all parties present. IF she says no to that, perhaps your DH could meet with her to find out just what it is that is her issue with you....BUT I would also ask that she put it in writing so that what gets back to you, comes from her directly, not just your DH's feedback. (If your DH is like mine, he always gets things mixed up and things can get worse because of it.)
Just my thoughts on it. Hope it helps you get some resolution.
Sometimes when I read the postings here I cannot believe how close the stories are to my own. It seems most of us have no idea how things have gotten to the point they have, and have no idea how to get things back on track with our EC.
At the end of the day I believe all we can do is ask God to give us peace in spite of the circumstances. It seems nothing we say or do changes anything.
I am thinking of you and praying that this contact leads you and your family to health and reconciliation.
One thing I think that is very important if your DH meet with her is that he listen to what she has to say, but he also needs to make it clear that you and he are a unit, that one cannot have a relationship with her unless you both do. I have seen too many times where an adult child will try to pull one parent away from the other parent. It seems to give them power.
Pray for God's guidance through all of this. You will be in my prayers.