CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Has anyone simply sent a link to this site to their ED or E'S? I have felt that if I could show my ED what so many of us are feeling and the needless suffering we are all going thru, that somehow might help. I haven't done it, but am so tempted. I have no idea even why this is happening. My ED is now talking to me with one line messages on FB once a month or so. I haven't seen my 2 G daughters for a year now and rarely the year before that. I actually get angry when my ED decides to send me some light hearted message! She decides......she has controlled all of this. I feel so hurt and angry, but fearful of making a mistake. My heart is screaming, but no one hears it.
As far as sending the link to our EK's goes????? I'm not sure about it one way or the other. Offhand, it could be risky and in other ways it could be a blessing. I do know from past experience that there have been very genuine estranged children who have come to "give us the other side of the story" and been genuine about it. But, there are also those EK's that have come just to create chaos and stir up trouble too. It can go either way. It will be interesting to hear other viewpoint on this.
As far as my ES and DIL goes, if they aren't interested in communicating with a counselor, by phone, by mail, email, smoke signals or carrier pigeons, then I don't think this link will bring positive results. But then that is just a "feeling." Others may feel differently.
I think one of the worst things about having EC is the conflicting emotions. I go from angry to hurt every other minute, with confusion thrown in full time. And there is no where to vent that anger! If you fight back, chances are they will cut off any communication for an even longer time period. I understand what you are saying toobucks, but maybe that is your daughter's way of testing the waters? If you can successfully exchange light-hearted messages, maybe she will then step up to serious messages. Though one thing my daughter has made clear - she does not want to discuss any issue EVER. She will talk about her relationship with other people at length when I see her, but NEVER a word about us. Your daughter may be different, but I have learned that I must play by her rules, or she will boot me out of the game. To be honest, I think all of our kids understand exactly how hurtful it is. Especially those who have kids of their own.
Best of luck - I'll keep you in my prayers!
I think one of the worst things about having EC is the conflicting emotions. I go from angry to hurt every other minute, with confusion thrown in full time. And there is no where to vent that anger! If you fight back, chances are they will cut off any communication for an even longer time period. I understand what you are saying toobucks, but maybe that is your daughter's way of testing the waters? If you can successfully exchange light-hearted messages, maybe she will then step up to serious messages. Though one thing my daughter has made clear - she does not want to discuss any issue EVER. She will talk about her relationship with other people at length when I see her, but NEVER a word about us. Your daughter may be different, but I have learned that I must play by her rules, or she will boot me out of the game. To be honest, I think all of our kids understand exactly how hurtful it is. Especially those who have kids of their own.
Best of luck - I'll keep you in my prayers!
I don't worry about him finding me here at all. I often wondered about this very same concern, but really have no fears about it. I have often posted about the deep love I have for him still, in spite of his turning his back on my love, so if anything, it could possibly hit his heart in the right way, That's one reason I stay on this Christian site, as there is much less negative name-calling and much less ugly talk about our estranged children. We are human, and slip up on this, however, we genuinely love our adult children..no matter what. Rejected love is always so profoundly painful, and if he knew how much I have been pained by this, perhaps he might change? Don't know?
He must know, deep in his heart, but right now he is ignoring his heart...that's how I see it anyway.
Good questions toobucks. Sometimes, I wish he could read how deep my pain is, but then again, it's best that he doesn't. Everything will be "revealed" in the end, that's what God says.
I think it is one thing to discuss it here with people who have gone through this emotional trauma and also to discuss it with a pastor or Christian counselor, but we should be really cautious about who we talk to beyond that I think. If we post things on Facebook and they are able to read it, I think I would be upset too to find a personal matter posted when I was not able to give my side of the story. There are other sides - even if these kids have twisted their side. I know I would not want to go to their Facebook page and find all kinds of things being said about me. I would just be devastated.
This is a wonderful group and you learn so many things to help you cope and get your life back on track. I feel as though there is always someone else here that hears and speaks my language.....heart ache and grief over a child. By posting it is amazing what you 'work through. Also, it gives others a chance to support and encourage you personally.
Glad to have you here Lily.
CM