CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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gordos4 01/12/2014

I have spent most of the last 2 weeks second guessing myself. My 28 year old son wanted to move home for "a month or 2", because his heart is broken. He did this when he was 20. I didn't have a problem with him moving back home then, because he was still young & it was his first true love. We didn't get along while he was living here, because that is when the verbal abuse by him started. I know he has always been sensitive, but I want him to toughen up a little & learn how to get through this on his own. If I let him move home, he will sleep & mope. So, I told him if he moved back, he will have to pay rent. That was my way of assuring he wont do that. Now, Im wondering if I should have caved & let him move home rent free. There is absolutely NOTHING in this small town for him, as far as psychiatrists or even counselors. This is THE toughest thing Ive ever had to do. He is so disappointed with me & has made veiled threats about committing suicide. I cant spend the rest of my life hoping he wont do that, it will drive me crazy.

Norske1 01/12/2014

He has a job, right? And he has money to pay his rent where he lives now, right? So I'm sure he has money to pay you a rental stipen. You are doing the right thing, trust your gut. Did you ask him why he wants to come home? If he needs a vacation, why not go to a resort with other young people?

How about if you and your DH take a little weekend vacation and meet him somewhere in-between your homes? That way you can see for yourself how he is doing, maybe encourage him to seek counseling. He isn't 20 any longer, as you mention. Encourage him to start over as any other young adult would do. Etc.

deleted_user 01/12/2014

gordo, if he has a job and an apt, why does he want to disrupt that routine to move home?? wont he loose his job?? then if he looses his job , then what,?? the apt is nexxt?? Is the bottom line hes just giving up?? If there is any way for him to get counceling thats what he needs.. I find it so weird, they ridicule us think they know better, but they have no idea how nasty it is out there.. then where to find support?? to drugs/alcohol, another person?? It may weaken him to come home actually, we all have to work when we dont want to.. I know theres alot of days i dont... but it gets u out and thinking about something else..

deleted_user 01/12/2014

If he is making threats about suicide, then he needs help, and if moving home he has to realize as he wants respecct he needs to give it,, as i told my dau, I am always your mom,, but u are an adult, I am an adult, our relationship is taking on a different path now. and i want to be treated just as kindly and respected as you do (she treats me like crap btw, and i said enough)

lindajoan 01/12/2014

gordos4, With all that you have shared, IMHO, I do not think you made a wrong decision. You are trying to do what is best for you ES. He is 28 and you want to see him mature and be independent. Our EC need to stop the blame game and realize their present lives are not our fault. We were good parents. To allow them to keep up the blame game is not good for them. Actually, it is against God's Word. "When I became a man I put away childish things. Blaming parents is childish. They must own their lives and mistakes. We must pray that God will be the one to teach them how to live.

God bless you and continue to ask for His strength. We sure all need it each day.

gordos4 01/12/2014

BTW, he has been to several good psych doctors in Omaha & starts counseling this week, so I know he has help available. There is not one single psychiatrist OR psychologies in this town. He also texted me that "I would just be a burden to you & you would give every excuse in the book NOT to have me move home"..Only now, it's down to 2 weeks. It started out as 3 months...

deleted_user 01/12/2014

so he wants to stay for 2 weeks or 3 months?? I am sure his psych drs would tell him to stay put huggs ur trying to help him

gordos4 01/12/2014

Thanks glazz.

Sarahsma 01/14/2014

Gordos I don't think you feel good about this and I know he has issues but he is playing you like a deck of cards. If my sons ever try to move back home the answer is no, but we will help you find a place, and even financially help before letting them live with us.

Have you "let go and given him to the lord?"

You know its probably always going to be something with him, his behavior sounds kinda like my bipolar son, has he ever had a full psychological evaluation and mmpi, that will determine his true diagnosis and maybe treatment could change some patterns. But even bipolar people work. Tell him he can move close or come for dinner, but you have concerns about the way he has treated you....you know I will not let one of our sons even come over right now, bc DH said NO, he comes and tells us off, no more until he gets treatment.

gordos4 01/14/2014

My son got a full Psych eval. in the hospital last month. The doctor told him he was clinically depressed & PTSD from the girlfriend dumping him & taking her little girl out of his life. I am thankful it isn't bi-polar disorder.

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