CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Perhaps this has been adddressed here. I found a thread about this elsewhere and it piqued my interesting.
In Old Testament a goat was raised, humanities sins were cast upon it, and it lead out of the human habitat and killed in the wilderness bearing the civilizations sins of atonement.
Hmmmm. How many of us were family scapegoats? By parents? By spouses? Now by children? NOTHING the scapegoat of the family bore the brunt, collecting everyone's sins (so they could cast them off on another and shirk away from facing their parts in it) as the S-G wanders alone, ruthlessly driven on by a small crowd, probably beaten, poked and prodded along the way to a high cliff where someone gave a solid shove and the beast pinwheeled off the edge to certain death below.
Discovering this was a real eye opener. I was my mother's scapegoat, and alas, the eldest daughter got to watch G'ma in action giving amazing S-G treatment that the kid clearly bootlegged.
THIS scapegoat has bolted and run, hiding away....not about to be shoved off yet another cliff.
The other day I was thinking "No good deed goes unpunished": and shuckydarn if in a post today someone didn't quote that...so I'm clearly not the only one with an awareness. For family scapegoads one's best is never good enough?
BELOW THE COPY AND PASTE OF GLEANINGS instead of links:
Leviticus 16:8-26 ; RSV, "the goat for Azazel" (q.v.), the name given to the goat which was taken away into the wilderness on the day of Atonement ( 16:20-22 ). The priest made atonement over the scapegoat, laying Israel's guilt upon it, and then sent it away, the goat bearing "upon him all their iniquities unto a land not inhabited."
At a later period an evasion or modification of the law of Moses was introduced by the Jews. "The goat was conducted to a mountain named Tzuk, situated at a distance of ten Sabbath days' journey, or about six and a half English miles, from Jerusalem. At this place the Judean desert was supposed to commence; and the man in whose charge the goat was sent out, while setting him free, was instructed to push the unhappy beast down the slope of the mountain side, which was so steep as to insure the death of the goat, whose bones were broken by the fall. The reason of this barbarous custom was that on one occasion the scapegoat returned to Jerusalem after being set free, which was considered such an evil omen that its recurrence was prevented for the future by the death of the goat" (Twenty-one Years' Work in the Holy Land). This mountain is now called el-Muntar.
Scapegoat Are You The Family Scapegoat?: How to stop being the Family Scapegoat in your adult years by removing yourself as the "target" of your abusive, ... of origin and finding peace in your life.
by Patricia Jones M.A. (Author)
7 customer reviews
________________________________________
See all 2 formats and editions
• Kindle
$9.99 Read with Our Free App
• Paperback
$19.90 4 Used from $21.52 13 New from $17.01
This book is an important guide for those who have discovered that they are the Family Scapegoats in their family of origin and who in their adulthood years find that the abuse they suffered as a child has continued into their adulthood where they are still being slandered, ostracized, and treated with a lack of love and respect by those very same families, who should be the ones who love them the most. They may also find themselves in an abusive marriage or relationship as adults. In fact, they may be a victim of domestic violence, suffering verbal, mental, emotional and even physical abuse and realize that they are being scapegoated all over again. Finding themselves in constant "no win" situations with their narcissistic family members they are desperate to find answers to this puzzling dilemma and are searching for peace in their lives from the constant abuse from their parents, siblings and other relatives who always blame them for all the problems within the family. Patricia Jones, M.A has written this book as a witness and testimony of being the Scapegoat in her own family of origin and how she came to understand that there is an "evil pattern of narcissism and psychopathological abuse" that creates a favorite "golden child" sibling and a scapegoated child within these dysfunctional families. This dynamic sets them up for abusive relationships later on in life. Patricia Jones, M.A. states: "If you are anything like me you have experienced some major challenges in your life. Looking back, I am very thankful for the challenges I have overcome. I learned a great deal from them and would like to share what I have learned with others who find themselves labeled as the "Family Scapegoat" in their own families. Patricia Jones, M.A. explains how those who are family scapegoats can remove themselves as the family "target" by once and for all realizing that the problems within their families are caused by their families not them. They discover that their family is very dysfunctional and that they are not the cause of all the relationship problems within the family, as they have been led to believe. With this realization a huge weight is lifted off their shoulders and they can finally continue on with their lives without guilt or remorse and find love and peace, sometimes for the first time in their lives. The "root cause" of how and why Family Scapegoats are created and the solution to how to stop the generational cycle of abuse that runs in these families is the main message of the book.
In Old Testament a goat was raised, humanities sins were cast upon it, and it lead out of the human habitat and killed in the wilderness bearing the civilizations sins of atonement.
Hmmmm. How many of us were family scapegoats? By parents? By spouses? Now by children? NOTHING the scapegoat of the family bore the brunt, collecting everyone's sins (so they could cast them off on another and shirk away from facing their parts in it) as the S-G wanders alone, ruthlessly driven on by a small crowd, probably beaten, poked and prodded along the way to a high cliff where someone gave a solid shove and the beast pinwheeled off the edge to certain death below.
Discovering this was a real eye opener. I was my mother's scapegoat, and alas, the eldest daughter got to watch G'ma in action giving amazing S-G treatment that the kid clearly bootlegged.
THIS scapegoat has bolted and run, hiding away....not about to be shoved off yet another cliff.
The other day I was thinking "No good deed goes unpunished": and shuckydarn if in a post today someone didn't quote that...so I'm clearly not the only one with an awareness. For family scapegoads one's best is never good enough?
BELOW THE COPY AND PASTE OF GLEANINGS instead of links:
Leviticus 16:8-26 ; RSV, "the goat for Azazel" (q.v.), the name given to the goat which was taken away into the wilderness on the day of Atonement ( 16:20-22 ). The priest made atonement over the scapegoat, laying Israel's guilt upon it, and then sent it away, the goat bearing "upon him all their iniquities unto a land not inhabited."
At a later period an evasion or modification of the law of Moses was introduced by the Jews. "The goat was conducted to a mountain named Tzuk, situated at a distance of ten Sabbath days' journey, or about six and a half English miles, from Jerusalem. At this place the Judean desert was supposed to commence; and the man in whose charge the goat was sent out, while setting him free, was instructed to push the unhappy beast down the slope of the mountain side, which was so steep as to insure the death of the goat, whose bones were broken by the fall. The reason of this barbarous custom was that on one occasion the scapegoat returned to Jerusalem after being set free, which was considered such an evil omen that its recurrence was prevented for the future by the death of the goat" (Twenty-one Years' Work in the Holy Land). This mountain is now called el-Muntar.
Scapegoat Are You The Family Scapegoat?: How to stop being the Family Scapegoat in your adult years by removing yourself as the "target" of your abusive, ... of origin and finding peace in your life.
by Patricia Jones M.A. (Author)
7 customer reviews
________________________________________
See all 2 formats and editions
• Kindle
$9.99 Read with Our Free App
• Paperback
$19.90 4 Used from $21.52 13 New from $17.01
This book is an important guide for those who have discovered that they are the Family Scapegoats in their family of origin and who in their adulthood years find that the abuse they suffered as a child has continued into their adulthood where they are still being slandered, ostracized, and treated with a lack of love and respect by those very same families, who should be the ones who love them the most. They may also find themselves in an abusive marriage or relationship as adults. In fact, they may be a victim of domestic violence, suffering verbal, mental, emotional and even physical abuse and realize that they are being scapegoated all over again. Finding themselves in constant "no win" situations with their narcissistic family members they are desperate to find answers to this puzzling dilemma and are searching for peace in their lives from the constant abuse from their parents, siblings and other relatives who always blame them for all the problems within the family. Patricia Jones, M.A has written this book as a witness and testimony of being the Scapegoat in her own family of origin and how she came to understand that there is an "evil pattern of narcissism and psychopathological abuse" that creates a favorite "golden child" sibling and a scapegoated child within these dysfunctional families. This dynamic sets them up for abusive relationships later on in life. Patricia Jones, M.A. states: "If you are anything like me you have experienced some major challenges in your life. Looking back, I am very thankful for the challenges I have overcome. I learned a great deal from them and would like to share what I have learned with others who find themselves labeled as the "Family Scapegoat" in their own families. Patricia Jones, M.A. explains how those who are family scapegoats can remove themselves as the family "target" by once and for all realizing that the problems within their families are caused by their families not them. They discover that their family is very dysfunctional and that they are not the cause of all the relationship problems within the family, as they have been led to believe. With this realization a huge weight is lifted off their shoulders and they can finally continue on with their lives without guilt or remorse and find love and peace, sometimes for the first time in their lives. The "root cause" of how and why Family Scapegoats are created and the solution to how to stop the generational cycle of abuse that runs in these families is the main message of the book.
This was freeing.
Our ED is a real stitch. She called DH at work today to inquire about TG. He informed her lot of fun (and went without saying she was NOT missed.) So she inquires about Xmas of him and tells us our eldest g-s wants to see us (as if pandering to the boy and thinking we will snap-right-to if it is for HIM an innocent in this.
Husband told her our plans are to be with son and youngest sister at his home. She then said, "Well, I guess we'll see you NEXT YEAR then." He said okay. He's seen me weep buckets. Says at times he doesn't care if they hate HIS guts but he is furious how I'm treated.
I'm laying looooooow as I'm sure the ScapegoarER is contacting siblings to upset the Xmas apple cart after we have it upright, balanced, and rolling forward avoiding the typical ruts.
She is narcissistic enough I am sure she has never entertained the idea that I have NO DESIRE to speak nor see her at this point.
Our "victim" scapegoatERs can put on an Academy Award Performance.
You might be interested in this Daily Strength sister site. Some really good stuff; I'm reading heavily. And it has helped. I have not posted - reading, reading - but I think with D-S your i.d. can carry across.
My husband was eldest scapegoat in his family of 11 kids growing up; when he left to go into the military, yes, indeedy,, another was selected, after her Great Escape, another got that role.
I showed up and attempts were made to scapegoat me...didn't work long. And when nasty FIL tried to shove my husband back into Scapegoat Mode at age 24 and service in Vietnam, etc. I blew up like an H-bomb and the FIL never tried it again. My hubs and his father ended up on peer peaceful enough terms. And I always comforted the family scapegoats not realizing what they WERE.
Scapegoats? Some families HAVE to have 'em...just like possessing a mailbox...
And our EC can have picked up some of this in a monkiey-see/monkey do vein from FOO esp. if both families had Scapegoats and two Scapegoats Wed. Sheesh!
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/family-scapegoats-truth-tellers