I would definitely do the return label because the first thing they are going to look at if there is no return address is the area it came from.

One little thought that came to my mind was to find some of those kid stickers that have hearts on them and plaster the whole envelope with them - maybe even buy a red envilope and put a smiley face on it too! Guaranteed to melt even a cold and hardened criminals heart!! Ya think??? LOL

P.S. If that works please let me know! I really have not tried that route yet!

Return address is a good idea. They will likely open it because they will be curious what you may have put in it - maybe another generous gift card. the point is not to trick them into opening the letter. if that were the case you could just type on it "You have won the million dollar sweepstakes - open immediately!" The only points that you want to make are that you love them and are open to seeing them whenever. Can you approach one of their friends or close relatives with an offer to take them to dinner and to explain how much they mean to you? would a sincere apology help, even though you may not have even done anything wrong? I admire your courage and perseverance. best of luck to you.

epicjourney - if we had a dollar for everything we have apologized for whatever it was that hurt them and asked them to let us know what we can do to receive their forgiveness, my DH and I would be millionaires!

But I talked with DH and we have decided to put a return address on the envelope with a message "wishing you a very blessed Thanksgiving. Love you all forever, Mom and Dad".

then you have done all that you can do. they have to reach a maturity or wisdom level where they can deal with life. if not, they will lose more than the wisdom and comfort that their parents can offer, which is alot. they will have trouble coping with coworkers, bosses, spouses, children, friends, etc. the children need to understand that except in the rare extreme case, parents are not the problem. parents are a tremendous asset that they should feel fortunate to have.

epic.....why should anyone apologize for things they did not do just for the sake of appeasement? That is just tolerance is it not? You may gain temporary appeasement by conceding, but I do not see where it will bring lasting peace that way.

It is one thing to deliberately instigate a fight. It is another to cringe in fear and hide in your locker when you see the schoolyard bully walking down the hallway. Should I apologize to the school bully for existing? I think apologizing when a person KNOWS they are not responsible for creating the estrangement only undermines the true meaning of repentance (synonymn for apologizing). I'm not talking about making apologies for things that get said and done after someone has made false accusations against another person. Those things should be apologized for because I truly believe that in every estrangement there is SOMETHING that gets said by all parties in the heat of the moment and after estrangement has gotten off the ground that should not have been said.

I just do not see where Jesus ask us to repent of things we just did not do.

Guelsomom, you are correct, and I agree with you. It is very hard to accept responsibility for something you are not responsible for, and in many cases, one should not. I have done that sometimes. but in other times, especially where my kids are concerned, i have bitten my tongue and let them get away with things that maybe I shouldn't have. have I enabled them? sometimes, yes I have. is that why they feel so entitled and feel they can disregard my feelings and the feelings of others just because they want to? probably. I plead guilty as charged. when it comes to affairs of the heart, i react differently. should we run from the bully? for me, the answer is yes, sometimes. it depends on the situation, and that is the point. everything depends upon the situation. i would no more expect to give you the right answer in every situation as you should expect to give me. often there is no right or wrong answer. i just know for me, i will not stand on ceremony when it comes to my kids. i will go the extra nine yards, even when it hurts desperately, and I want them and the world to know that. do I countenance evil or irresponsibility on their part? no, i have my limits. i always, always do what i think is in their best interests. i am required to do this. i told them i cannot live their lives for them and that they had to be competent and willing to work hard. when they made mistakes, i did not bail them out, and made them work to repay the neighbor for breaking their car window, for instance. when they wanted to travel abroad, i made them work and save to pay for half the trip. but have i apologized for things i didn't do that they perceived as hurtful to them, like snooping on their internet account when I hadn't, yes. i figure it made up for the times that I mistrusted them. but i would not equate the importance of apologizing to my kids for something I had not done, with a lifetime of never seeing them again. parents need to keep perspective too.

Dearest Norske,

I don't believe you are thinking clearly about the true circumstance you are in.

Show respect to these people. Without doubt, the way they treat you does not seem one bit respectful ! But you can't control their choice to be disrespectful. You can control yours.

It is respectful to leave people alone when they request it. Period. There's not a back door marked "not really disrespectful because..."

Whatever sending a card does to meet your needs,
and I expect in the end it sets you back emotionally,
it most certainly signals clueless disrespect to the recipients.

I do believe a return address is in order.

However, we all feel led or not led to reach out this holiday season we can not predict what the outcome will be. We are not responsible for another person's actions. DH and I will probably email our ED for Thanksgiving. She has not been responding. Sending something is dangerous as she lives with her bf and his mother.

God bless each of you as you consider what is right for you to do. There are many blessings to count.

To its justice...thank you; I never thought about it that way.