Praying for you, do you have someone close by you can talk to either on the phone or in person? The group is here for you, you will make it, we all have bad days, we are stronger than we think. Hugs and prayers for you.

Praying for you Kathysau. Be encouraged, the Lord loves and values you more than you can imagine.

Praying for you Kathysau this does feel like more pain than anyone can handle.....the broken heart is unbearable I know there are some strong moms on this board and the PEACE board who have been going thru estrangement for a long time. you can share and ask questions....it is helpful to know others understand and we are not alone....

Thanks. I have my husband, but he handles the pain a lot better than me! Don't have any siblings. Think all my friends (who don't understand and are always enjoying their family and grandkids) are tired of hearing me and have chosen to distance themselves from me. I work from home (which is best due to my Fibro pain) so I don't have any co-workers.

Kathy, we are here to support you. Remember that we do pray one for another. Jesus understands our pain. He took it on the cross. Please hold on to the cross. Give your EC completely to Him. We used to use a word, detach. It may be temporary but it is for our good. The prodigal father had to let go. We pray one day our EC may listen to God like the prodigal son did.

God bless you.

kathysau - we all here understand and feel your pain. But rest assured, it does get better. My DH seemed to handle the loss of our ES better than me, or at least he held all his feelings inside and got angry rather than sad.

God knows what is going on. Go to your bible and read. Another good resources is daily scriptures from Rick Warren. Both my husband and I are reading the bible online. We get emails each morning with what to read.

We are all praying for you and sending love.

Kathy, I am sorry you are having a really bad day. We understand. Sometimes i just get overwhelmed and it seems it will swallow me up and the next day maybe I have a better day. It seems if I can just get too busy to think about it I can feel bette,pr --at least for a while.

Kathy.....We all understand your pain hon. It's difficult when us parents tie our entire identity and self-worth to being a mom because caring moms hurt more so than abusive and unloving moms do. I don't think I realized how MUCH I loved my son until he allowed himself to be taken away from us through our controlling DIL. Sometimes the cruelest people we know are our own children.

Our kids can hurt us the most because we love them the most. I can feel that you love your EK's from your post too. If you and I did not love, we would not hurt. Because your pain is so raw at this time, it is important to know you have value and that God loves you more than you love your children. He does not want you to continue to punish yourself for something that is out of your control. You have beaten yourself up enough, now is the time to start being kind to yourself. Please know that even though it may not seem like it right now, it will get easier to bear in time. You need to allow yourself the time to recover and become stronger in order to accept the reality of estrangement for what it is at this particular point in time. The advice to take this one day at a time is right and sometimes we have to get it down to one thing at a time and even living one hour at a time. This is not a quick-fix situation, so learn to be patient.

Don't expect that outsiders who have never been through this nightmare will ever understand completely. Avoid trying to get them to support you because most just can't identify with rejection of a child. They understand loss of a child through sudden death but can't fathom loss through estrangement because that death was not the choice of the child (except through suicide). To them, because they have not experienced this type of loss, loss from estrangement through their eyes always means anger at the parents for some perceived reason. Then the conclusion is that the parents must have done something to make them angry enough to reject them. Because they know that can "sometimes" be true, they instead turn it into seeing it as "always" being true.

Today is Easter, focus on the blessings that Jesus provided for you and I and everyone else here. Do something to take your mind off of it if it is only for a few minutes at a time to start with. Walking, uplifting music, sitting in the park under the warm sun while reading your Bible are just a few suggestions to get you moving along in a positive direction.

Please hang in there and I'm glad you felt free to express your most private thoughts with us.

God Bless,
GuelsMom

You summed it up well, GuelsMom. That's the problem--when you try to share with people they assume you have done something to deserve this treatment.

I'm happy to report I had a little glimmer of joy yesterday when my son brought my grandchildren to a family dinner. Was able to play cars with my grandson, jump on the trampoline with my granddaughter, and just enjoy their presence. I made the mistake of thinking the fact he was going meant all would be well for the two of us, but I could see that he was simply going in order to see some of the other family members. I took lots of pictures which I will cherish until I'm able to see them again.

Now I go back to my old motto…. live my life so that some day those precious little children will say with pride, "That's MY grandmother!"

Canadian, So happy to hear you were able to spend some joyous time with your gc..

Only God can change the cold hearts of our EC and those who control them. Nothing is impossible for God.

Until then, we live to honor Him. He is worthy!!

Kathy-- You are in my prayers. The pain and heartache for you can be overpowering at times - I know and understand this. About a year ago I was totally broken - emotions, physical and spiritually. I got down on my knees before going to bed and asked "Lord please tell me what you want me to do with this estrangement?" I remained on my knees for several minutes and then God spoke to me saying "Be Still and Know That I am God." Never before was I more sure that God had spoken to me than that night. There began to be a peace within like I have never experienced and I am still peaceful. whenever I do feel the emptiness and heartache I repeat God's words. God speaks to all of us in different ways and with different words, but perhaps it would be beneficial to seek His guidance for you. there is nothing more powerful than Him speaking to one's heart. It doesn't have to be on your knees and He may not answer quickly, but He will answer.

I am praying for you. It is so hard sometimes. Just know that God holds you in His loving arms and He knows your sorrow and pain.

praying for you Kathy…holidays are rough…When I have a bad day and the tears flow I try to "force" myself to DO something /anything different to "push" out the sad thoughts.
Do you like music? turn on the radio loud, write down ALL the reasons YOU are a blessing (there are more than you realize) . Cry if you feel it, take a shower or bath, light a candle. If you can afford it buy a bouquet of flowers. "WILL" yourself to feel better, you are NOT your bad feelings, YOU are amazing and precious. Im not sure if I shared this but "WHen Parents Hurt by Dr.Joshua Coleman is a good resource when you feel able to read something. In the meantime try and get up and move and push those sad thoughts away. You deserve it. blessings and prayers to you..

Praying for you kathysau. My husband handles the pain better than me too. I wish I could put it in the back of my mind but I can't. And I have found that friends don't understand. Only us parents that have this pain can understand. Hugs.

Hope you're feeling better Kathy. Praying for you too.