Prayer is always a good thing--but making it a ritual sometimes defeats the purpose and it becomes more of an expression of sorrow and pain than an actual prayer. Perhaps you should stop the nightly candle lighting and attempt to do something more upbeat--reading a few lines of a book--anything that helps you to relax. Spend moments in prayer for your son when it's laid on your heart--for me it's sometimes while driving or while taking a long hot bath--or while doing something as simple as loading the dishwasher--but keep it simple and to the point--God knows what's on your heart even when you can't find the words to express it--so try not to let it consume you and take you back to just feeling the pain and sorrow rather than talking to God one on one. I find that when my emotions take over and I start weeping it's time to just be silent and let God hear what's in my heart. I think you are wise to realize that your nightly candle lighting and prayer has become so painful that it isn't helping you and that you need to change that behavior to something that does help. That's the first step to healing I think--realizing that something isn't helping the healing. My prayers are with you---Hugs.

I have prayed the prayer that Samuels mother prayed, from the Bible...."for this child i have prayed and the Lord has granted my request. You gave her to me, and I give her to You (the Lord) all the days of her life". not sure if that is the exact wording. Samuels mothers prayed for a child and when the Lord granted her request, she gave him back to God. Sometimes its just as simple as "take care of her for me". I cannot get out long detailed prayers, I dont know what to ask for anymore. Praying for peace for you!

Hi Momma,
Once we pray, then faith steps in. That is where we grow. We let go of our petition and learn to have Faith in God that He is taking care of it. In the meantime while God is working, we make a choice not to torment ourselves. Choices to increase Love for ourselves and putting our kids on the shelf until God helps us to see what He wants us to see. Or when HE wants us to take it back down.

Once we understand that we no longer have any control of our circumstances we learn to let go. Perhaps you can take a minute and ask yourself why you continue to hang on and what is coming out of it that is helping you. The answer should be pretty negative...Determine if you want to stay there or move on. From your post, you are seeking to move on. Sometimes we have to dig a little deeper as God wants us to do. Learning who we are, our weaknesses and strengths.

When you make your choice, then protect your heart. Take down any reminders for now until you are able to look at pictures, etc... and smile with happiness that you did a good job, or the best you could do. If you don't work, volunteer somewhere to give yourself a connection to something fulfilling.

I have confidence that God will help you to let go. Once you break the self-defeating cycle, you are heading to a "freer" lifestyle. Learning to live, when you feel the world is falling all around you. It will bring on strength in not only with our children but with other scenarios that life throws our way.

Hang in there!!!

Pearl

I agree with suzie. Making it a ritual can be a little bit morose after a while and then the purpose does get lost. I think the first step is to stop the nightly candling. If you enjoy it, then save the candles for special occasions like B-Days, Christmas and Easter.

Another suggestion for you would be to read the Bible before you go to bed. I think what might be happening is that, if you had a balancing type of scale and you imagine putting all your problems on one side and your trust in God on the other side, which would be bigger in scale? What I mean is, is God bigger or smaller than your problems? Our pastor asked us that question once and then proceeded to show us how our lack of faith and trust in God can tend to make us see God as being inadequate enough for us to turn our troubles over to Him and let Him be in control. So, that is why I suggest you read scripture instead of the candle. One of the most powerful books IMO is the book of John. I used to do telephone counseling for the Billy Graham Crusades and our church was the number at the bottom for people to call. We always suggested to start with the book of John because it showed Jesus as the Son of God more in that book than in the others. It is only in the book of John that the 6 sayings of Jesus that start with "I am....." are in. Even starting with those 6 "I am's" can begin to make your God bigger. Jesus is not saying; "I was" nor was he saying "I will be." Saying "I am.." means that He always is. He is always there for us no matter how big our problems are.

Another book in addition to the Bible is the booklet written by A.W. Tozer called "The Knowledge of the Holy." It is a classic in the Christian community and is SO powerful that one cannot help but feel uplifted by it and believe me, when you are finished with it, you will be sleeping with a smile on your face. (You can Google it easliy)

One last suggestion is to keep your prayers for your son for morning so that he is not on your mind before you go to bed. It doesn't make any difference "when" you say your prayers, the important thing is that you do say them. One thing that you could do at night is to start a list of all the things that God has done for you, all the things he has given you and all the things you are grateful for. If you only start with one and pray a prayer of "Thanks", and add one to it each day, you will also go to bed with a feeling of gratitude instead of sadness over what isn't.


Thank you for bringing this to us. I hope this has helped in some way.

God Bless,

Live "as if'. Trust that despite what you see, God is working behind the scenes. Keep praying too.

I have a picture that I just love...

A mother is walking down a stairway, turning her head, and looking back up the stairs. At the very top of the stairway sits Jesus, holding the mother's precious baby.

This helps me remember to constantly turn over my child to God. I envision my child being held by the loving arms of Jesus Christ. This helps me to be less obsessed about my son. I hope the explanation of this picture can help you "turn your child over to God".

I find it helpful to NOT dwell on the circumstances, to NOT think of what my son has done, to NOT think of what a perfect life would be like.

I have to constantly remember to turn everything over to God. He is in control.