CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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mombrokenheart 01/05/2016

My son did come over for Christmas Eve and that was a blessing. We bought him presents and he did not give us anything. I was completely ok with that. He just got out of rehab a month ago and trying to get things together and has no money, trying to buy a car and things are tough. My gift was seeing him. He did box up a few baseball hats that he had around his place to be able to give his brother something. I even thought that was great, he took the time to find something to give him.
Then I find out that he bought his girlfriends Mom a Set of DVD's that she has always wanted. Apparently this was a big enough deal to video it and put it on social media. Its not about the gift its about the rejection.
He spends all of his time either with them or work and we rarely get to see him That is why I thought Christmas was such a gift. But I am hurt and angry at the whole thing, seems like I get excited to get whatever crumb he will throw my way.
The Mom is a drug addict and she is not trying to get better to my knowledge and the girlfriend stuck between two addicts. My son is not going to meeting either, just his Dad and I are trying to get better. I think that is why he is not around us much. Thoughts?

Alana2 01/05/2016

I think you're right.

lindajoan 01/05/2016

I am thankful to hear your son made the effort to spend time with you and the family for Christmas. That was the gift. He was probably trying to impress his gf by giving her mother something. As far as not going to meetings the most we can do for an adult child with an addiction is pray for them. They must want to do it. I love that you said you and your DH are trying to heal. So very important for you both and other family members. God bless you with His peace.

Sommersmom 01/05/2016

Oh mombrokenheart, I have so been in those shoes. While addiction isn't an issue in my case, the lack of being given a present after I'd always spent a good deal on presents, then finding out my ex-husband and his parents were always given gifts was heartbreaking. Oh how I know that feeling. Please don't make my mistake. I chose to keep the hurt to myself (walking on those eggshells again.)

That was a mistake, I allowed that behavior to continue one holiday after another, all the while spending on my child. I continued to convince myself that they couldn't afford anything in return, but like your situation, their thoughtfulness was afforded to someone else.
I know your son is struggling, but do you think you could express your hurt to him?

mombrokenheart 01/05/2016

That is a good question.... my first response is NO out of fear of how he would react. that is pretty sad huh?
I also feel that he thinks I really don't have feelings or mine don't matter.

Sommersmom 01/05/2016

I understand completely. I know how difficult it is. I was never able to express how I felt about it either. Let's pray that as your son heals and his finances improve, he will be able to return to gift giving. Hugs and blessings to you..

mombrokenheart 01/05/2016

More than anything I feel she is taking my place in his life, sad that he is letting it happen and angry that another Mom would do that to another.

edr1961 01/05/2016

we saw our son christmas eve he came to pick gifts up,said he would send pictures of our gs it never happened have not heard from him since,i have continued to call,leave message,text we just assume he has blocked our number the feeling is unbearable.I was happyto see him also i didnt need anything from him either its strange how all of us mothers seem to feel the same way it has nothing to do with presents only there' presence' made us happy.

lindajoan 01/05/2016

With the youth, immaturity, and disfunction of this gf would not think this relationship will last too long. Do you?
We can pray!

feellinghelpless 01/05/2016

I know how it feels to have someone else take your place. My daughter's husband's grandmother did everything at her wedding including walking her down the asile. I saw her pictures. That was before we reconciled. Then when she had the baby she called this grandmother to take her to the hospital. It sounded like she didn't want me there more than 2 hours. This was at night, so I went up in the AM. I could tell I became her main comfort besides her husband. I knew she didn't want anyone in there when she delivered besides her husband. I made sure they were alone. I think she has a lot of pressure from the grandmother.
That could be the same for your son. He could feel a lot of pressure to give a gift, but knew he wouldn't get the same pressure from you.
Enjoy the reconciliation you have. Keep praying he can avoid the negative influence.

mombrokenheart 01/05/2016

I would hope it does not last, but they have been together since March or April I think.
Thanks for everyone's perspective it is so helpful to see other sides.

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