Wow...that is tough...especially after being so close. I think there are a variety of mental health issues that we have not tapped into...there is no other way (outside of possession of sorts) to explain why some kids turn to such an extreme. Sometimes I sense when I do talk with my daughter that the light in me makes the darkness in her seem all that more dark and it is not something they want to, or are ready to confront. Surrendering to the Lord all your pain and hopes and dreams will not be wasted...there is meaning in suffering. It is good that you let her know you still love her, she needs that. But how far do we go before its enabling. I don't think you can say I love you too much. I applaud you for taking the tough stand to make her leave due to her unhealthy habits, you needed to establish firm boundaries and perhaps she feels betrayed. And this may be fueled by your exhusband who is probably quite happy that she is with him and not you. Staying silent in the fast of that I think is pure grace and genius...you are allowing the Lord to vindicate you, and HE WILL. But its never fast enough for us :) His timing is not our timing and if you claim her for Christ then He has even more room to move. I would also suggest fasting and continuing to pray to break the bondage she is in. He is working on her and He will never give up.

I can relate to the roller coaster of emotions. My biggest victory to date is to not say anything when the coaster is riding high and I am so hurt, feeling rejected and bitter. I know the Lord wants to heal me through this and I pray I give Him the room to do so.

In Luke 17 Jesus says if our faith was the size of a mustard seed we could uproot and move a tree. I read today a small commentary on that that brought me peace.

'It seems we just can't be more loving and self-less and unifying, without a whole lot more faith. Jesus counters with the assurance that it only take faith "the size of a mustard seed." Jesus wants us to turn to our faith, no matter how small, unattened to, it might be, or how fragile it might be. A little faith is enough. I suspect he means to say that if our starting point is not the arguments and differences and loyalties we have, but rather, the faith in God's love and mercy for us, we'll be okay in loving as we have been loved. Only the Enemy could turn faith into something that divides us.'

This helped me to realize that I should continue to try to love, and most of all to increase my faith in God's love and mercy for me...it makes enduring all of this so much easier when we are absorbed in Him.

God bless you!!

You asked about "advice". That's nice, thank you! Obviously I do not have any that works! I have kinda left things as they are, I do not like making big waves at age 85. And my estranged daughter is dangerous due to the lies she tells so I just left her to her own devices.

I am going to come to DS more often, "business" is picking up! Chuckle.

I have been on this rollercoaster for three years. My advice would be to let her be. She is a grown woman and should be capable of making a decision and acting correctly. YOU need to focus on you. Put all your energies toward Jesus. Take care of you. When I started not contacting my ED, I started feeling better. We are still estranged and as of now, I am at peace with that.

I agree. Let it be. You did what you could.