I know you are blaming yourself but please do not. Children (including AC) are to respect and honor their parents. We are to hold them accountable and not permit disrespect. You do not deserve it. It is wrong. This is where boundaries come in. Can you let them know that you desire a peaceful relationship with them but will not accept less. Then pray for them. Only God can change our EC's hearts. Praying you will have God's peace.

When our children become adults, they are responsible for their own behavior. Please do not be so hard on yourself. I think one of the things that is true for everyone on this site is that we did not raise our children to be this way. None of us can understand why our EC do what they do. Our hearts are broken by the behavior of our EC. Please, do not beat yourself up so, every human being on earth has to cope with the genes they were born with, and all mothers make mistakes, or have challenges that they have to cope with. You are a human being!! And a beloved child of God. Give yourself a break, and understand that your adult children have choices, and what they choose to do or choose to not do, is completely out of your control, and is not your fault!! Please honor and respect yourself. God does not want you to destroy yourself with shame and guilt over the actions and behaviors of your adult children. Your children are adults and are responsible for their own behavior. I know that for me, the pain never completely goes away, and it comes back in full force at random times, but I also have gained a lot of peace by telling my ES I want no more contact with him. As lindajoan said, we have the right as mothers to hold our children accountable for their behavior and attitudes. My ES refuses to honor or respect me, or give me the courtesy due any human being, and unless and until he changes, I won't have a relationship with him. I finally just had to get off the emotional roller coaster, that was taking up all my time and energy. I hope and pray that you can find a way to give yourself more love and caring, and find a way that gives you more peace.

Our children can say the worst things to us. I wouldn't have dreamed of talking to my parents the way I've been talked to or the way you are being spoken to. Yesterday my older son told me so you are the one to blame for my anxiety problem. You are right about satan's influence. He wants to tear up families. I will be praying for you.

Sovery, Are you in contact with your ES?

Lindajoan, I was emailing with my younger es and but then the emails stopped. He wrote me a few weeks ago and said he couldn't talk to me any more since I was on his dad's side. I said let's get together and talk. Nothing since. I do talk to my older son but he has a lot of mental problems. He blames me too.

Gordos4 do not accept the blame they are trying to heap upon you. We all did the best we could as parents. Just like our own parents, we did some things right, and some things maybe we could have done better. I know I never would have considered disrespecting my parents the way my children disrespect me.

When they are downright abusive, I believe we need to protect ourselves by telling them their behaviour is unacceptable, and blocking communication, at least temporarily. We need to look after ourselves. We cannot let this destroy us.

Sovery, Please do not accept the blame. It is not from the Lord. It is from the enemy. Estrangement is a tool of the devil. Please stay close to Jesus. He understands. So do we.

Thank you all for your advice & kind words. I tried to call my youngest & then texted him when he didn't answer. No response. He knows what he did was wrong, & when he sobers up, he always regrets things. I went to my church this afternoon, prayed, cried & just sat there for an hour & a half. It is the only time I feel at peace & comforted. I can feel that God knows my pain & is consoling me as only He can. As hard as I try, I cant help but take at least SOME of the blame. I neglected to teach them something as they were growing up. The one thing I worked really hard at was teaching them to be gentlemen......so much for that. I set a good example as far as helping others & having empathy but all they exhibit is Apathy. I am going on almost 2 years of solid drama & disrespect from them. I have aged like never before & I noticed today that my hair is falling out in clumps.
Update: right in the midst of writing this, my youngest finally called me back. He has been drinking again. He went on & on about what mistake his dad & I made when we had him, he's no good, socially inept, etc..etc...My heart is breaking for him. I told him I was going to call his aunt who lives in Lincoln & she would take him to a hospital. He said he would fight us all the way, that he's not going ANYWHERE. I feel so helpless. I went to the church again & asked God & St. Michael to intervene, I just want to go to sleep & stay there for few days but I know I cant, because that would make it worse.

You did your best. One day our EC will see that no parent is perfect.

As an adult we can not force our EC to get help. The best thing we can do is pray for them and not enable a habit of substance abuse if they have one. You can also keep the contact on your terms of it gets overwhelming.

Saying a prayer for you. Saying a prayer for all of you.

You have done all you can do. I am so sorry you are going through all of this and you feel so guilty. I read something this week....can't remember if it was in Bible study or if it was in Jesus Calling, but it said something about God's words to us are gentle and not accusing, but if we feel we are being accused, that is from Satan. Yes, God can use the Holy Spirit to convict us of sin, but never in a judgmental way. It is the Enemy who is laying all this guilt on you and trying to make you feel bad. You did the right thing by going to the Lord. Peace to you.

Why did you give the brother the other brother's number?
My daughters are not reconciled and would be angry at me if I gave their numbers out.
I would apologize and give your reason for doing so. They're angry and not handleing their anger properly. It's also harder to control your anger when they're drinking.
We all make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes we have the best intentions and it just doesn't work out the way we hope. Forgive yourself. God does.
This will blow over.

Feeling, they haven't fought before, so I had NO idea that would happen. If they had been at odds, I wouldn't have given the number out. I DID apologize & told him I had no idea that would happen. I still got called retarded and stupid.

I got Allot of accusations from my kids, as older teens, & I became very depressed & beat myself. up for the mistakes I made, then I repented to God for those mistakes & He forgave me. At that point, I refused to feel guilty for doing the best I could at the time. So, eventually I told this to each one x 3, when the time was appropriate . I pray that God brings you to that place soon Gordos4! When you get there, Be strong , put your foot down & tell them you did the best you could, & that you refuse to feel guilty for the way you raised them!
I did this & my ED now 30, says,"I think I turned out pretty good, so you must have done something right!" I was shocked, but the Lord reminded me of how she finally got to that point in her life, about me.
I hope this helps someone . Blessings

Thank you Heartbroken, I wish I could get to that place too. My ES is almost 30, & I don't see him doing that anytime soon. He didn't turn out ok, anything but. I take some responsibility, but his dad did a lot of damage too.