CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I am in the detachment process and it is a process...you face hills to be sure..that need to be overcome.
The latest is this: My ED basically tore me to pieces when I requested to be reinstated to my GS's facebook account and to be included on my GD's new facebook account.
I realized that it truly was senseless to keep trying to build any kind of a relationship with her or the grandchildren...by they way they live in Montana. My efforts have made no difference. That is when I began the detachment process.
To explain how the text to me ever came to past is this: After my ED sent me a Happy Mother's Day wish; a Happy Birthday Wish, and a thank you card for the last baby gift I sent to "them" from their Amazon baby registry; and after my ED's Mother in Law, not the stepmother to my SIL, but his mother...actually went to Montana to help them with the birth of my GD..I thought things were moving in a happy direction.I had spoken to HIS mother and she said that my daughter had been very nice during her visit of a week to help with their little boy two years old when she had the baby girl back on May 4th 2013. I was thrilled that things were moving in a happy direction.
Her MIL even told me that my ED had gotten all the blankets and things I had made for my new GD and showed her how wonderful they had been made. She told her MIL that they were made in love...yes that was the note I had sent with the 8 or so baby blankets I had made for the little baby to come. She was very proud and happy for the things I had made and sent to her according to HER MIL.
Mind you, my daughter hated her MIL and refused to see her or have her to the house in over 2 years!! In fact according to the MIL, they asked her to come to Montana to help them. This was the first time the MIL has seen my ED in two years...and because of circumstances she did stay at their house.
After all the prayers and presents and little notes and such sent her way and that of the children...I just thought her heart was softening. Especially after the MIL went to Montana.
Anyway, she texted me that they had had professional, pictures of the children made and that I could see the pictures on my mother's facebook. In other words, my ED's grandmother's page would display them BECAUSE THEY HAD TAGGED THESE PICTURES WITH HER NAME.
For those who are not Facebook savvy, when you tag a picture with another person's name who also has a facebook account, the picture will show up on that person's page. So if I am a friend of my mother's facebook and they tag pictures of my GC with her name, then I can see them when I go on my mother's facebook page.
Well my crime was to ask my ED to include me as a friend on my GS's facebook page. She had defriended me back in FEB2013. And I asked to be included as a friend on my new GD's facebook page. In both cases my ED would have to send me a friend request; and I would acknowledge it and then have access to both these facebook pages of my GC. I said that I did not understand why I had to go the her grandmother's facebook page to see pictures of my own GC when her husband's mother, his stepmother, his stepfather, his father, and her grandmother could access their pages BUT NOT ME, the children's maternal grandmother.
Well that is when she said the most horrid things to me by text. She even said that I had not sent my GS a powerwheels for Christmas 2012 as I had promised and that this had created complete angst for my ED and her husband because they had to go out and get him something he COULD PLAY WITH! She told me that I demonstrated my total disregard for them and showed my rudeness for not sending a powerwheels ( priced at $300), That the things I had sent him were pretty and nice but nothing he could play with! And that she was not going to allow me to be on their pages or in their lives. ....Nice huh?
Actually I sent him all kinds of boy's things...wooden cars, dinasaus, cowboy hat, books, stuffed animals...etc ! I won't go thru the list of things including Oshgosh winter coats and clothes....on and on.
So after that rant, I did not respond. I simply deleted the tread on my cell phone that went back to Christmas 2012. No more texts for me to review and wonder....I refused to go THERE again.
I began the detachment process as I have referred to before in another post on this site.
Well, I could not believe that she actually sent me another text two nights ago and it said, " Do you want the link to the professional pictures' site?" She wanted to know if I wanted to go to the photographer's site to see, order and pay for pictures of my little grandchildren.
Of course I did not text her back, instead I deleted the text..and tried to find out how to block any more text messages from her. I have blocked her cell phone number from my phone but not her ability to message me. Maybe I will have to change my phone number?
So I am moving along...when my mother calls me. She tells me that a 14 page letter sent to my father, my ED's grandfather, is filled with lies and lies. She tells me that my ED has trashed me, her, my two sisters and their husbands...and spoken trash about her husband's family.
My mother and my father, divorced since 1979, but friends, sent my ED $100 each and wished her and the baby happy birthdays. I also sent a present for my little granddaughter as I mentioned above. In all my ED received in excess of $300 in gifts on this occasion for her new baby girl.
I am dumbfounded to be sure. But again THIS behavior is in line with what I have read on this site concerning the retched behavior of these demented children.
What is interesting is my father has not told me about the letter or what is in it. But he has told my mother and one of my sister's read it.
So I am now in the process of writing out the things that I DID FOR THEM and will send the list to my mother...my defender.
My mother is so upset that she has decided not to make any other comments on the children's facebook or make any more overtures to my ED. In fact she is so outraged that my daughter would tell such lies, that she is going to let my father know the truth and actually does not want to see my ED or have any contact with her, period.
So although I am in the process of detachment, I must address this matter. I will not contact my father or my sister ( my mother lives with the sister who read the letter by the way) in regards to the letter. I am tired of all the negativity and angst my ED has caused.
I have started a new weight loss and exercise program, looking for a new job, my division was sold, and thinking about plastic surgery after my weight loss.
I just had my hair done and it looks great, a pedi and medi with purple nail polish and ...I bought a funky and cool t shirt. I am moving on and I am going to be happy regardless of this demented and sad creature known as my daughter.
Oh and I want to let you know that I talked with the young woman who was her matron of honor..she is a little older than my ED. And guess what my ED ditched and treated her badly too...they are no longer friends. They had been BFF until my ED got with my SIL.
We talked a bit about the lies and such. Back in the day, she told me she told my ED that she would love to have a mother like me.
What we have come to believe is this: We lost our BBF and my daughter when she left TN and moved to FL to be with HIM. She had known HIM back when they were 15 years old and had not seen him in 15+ years. When they reconnected, he asked her to marry him 3 months later. I was very surprised to be sure, but she was 32 years old. She left TN in August 2009 and was married in December 2009.
According to her BBF now deposed, my ED was very unhappy in FL, but loved him. He took her on cruises, on a trip to WY...got a new dog, they already had two between them...and then got her pregnant ... all within the year after they were married. He also lied to her about their finances...He worked for his parents' business and whenever he was short on money, he would ask his mother to help. My daughter never knew any of this. He kept it secret from her.
Right before their baby was born in May 2011, he told my daughter that he could not afford their lifestyle on the money he made. As his mother told me, he liked to live like he was making 100K per year when he wasn't.
What my daughter found out is he had kept hidden the real financial shape they were in. Her BFF told me that she was so upset that she wanted to leave but felt stuck because of the new baby coming...in other words, her worse nightmare was coming to life.
She had always been an independent person and at 32 her career was taking off. But she gave that up and left TN for FL for him after 3 months of reconnecting with him.
Her BBF told me that my daughter was desperate for a man in her life. That she wanted to have someone. That she was not interested in having children, but she did want a special someone.
But really, as an adult she is responsible for what she does EVEN IF HE IS WHAT HE IS. She is now 36 and knows better. She does not have to lie and tell distortions...for what purpose? All know the truth except probably my father who is in another state.
He wrote her a letter telling her to show respect and act like a good Christian so to speak ..so that has, in my opinion, resulted in her sending him a 14 page letter filled with lies. She is trying to defend herself against her ugly behavior.
Just wanted to share..
But the petals from the rotting flower of my daughter will be all that is left on the floor of my heart when I am finished. I will brush them away and look to today and tomorrow with a sense of freedom and acceptance. I will find happiness each day whether in the words of a book, a program on TV, a new job, a new outfit, a look at a beautiful sunset...a great meal...I will live and enjoy life.
.
The latest is this: My ED basically tore me to pieces when I requested to be reinstated to my GS's facebook account and to be included on my GD's new facebook account.
I realized that it truly was senseless to keep trying to build any kind of a relationship with her or the grandchildren...by they way they live in Montana. My efforts have made no difference. That is when I began the detachment process.
To explain how the text to me ever came to past is this: After my ED sent me a Happy Mother's Day wish; a Happy Birthday Wish, and a thank you card for the last baby gift I sent to "them" from their Amazon baby registry; and after my ED's Mother in Law, not the stepmother to my SIL, but his mother...actually went to Montana to help them with the birth of my GD..I thought things were moving in a happy direction.I had spoken to HIS mother and she said that my daughter had been very nice during her visit of a week to help with their little boy two years old when she had the baby girl back on May 4th 2013. I was thrilled that things were moving in a happy direction.
Her MIL even told me that my ED had gotten all the blankets and things I had made for my new GD and showed her how wonderful they had been made. She told her MIL that they were made in love...yes that was the note I had sent with the 8 or so baby blankets I had made for the little baby to come. She was very proud and happy for the things I had made and sent to her according to HER MIL.
Mind you, my daughter hated her MIL and refused to see her or have her to the house in over 2 years!! In fact according to the MIL, they asked her to come to Montana to help them. This was the first time the MIL has seen my ED in two years...and because of circumstances she did stay at their house.
After all the prayers and presents and little notes and such sent her way and that of the children...I just thought her heart was softening. Especially after the MIL went to Montana.
Anyway, she texted me that they had had professional, pictures of the children made and that I could see the pictures on my mother's facebook. In other words, my ED's grandmother's page would display them BECAUSE THEY HAD TAGGED THESE PICTURES WITH HER NAME.
For those who are not Facebook savvy, when you tag a picture with another person's name who also has a facebook account, the picture will show up on that person's page. So if I am a friend of my mother's facebook and they tag pictures of my GC with her name, then I can see them when I go on my mother's facebook page.
Well my crime was to ask my ED to include me as a friend on my GS's facebook page. She had defriended me back in FEB2013. And I asked to be included as a friend on my new GD's facebook page. In both cases my ED would have to send me a friend request; and I would acknowledge it and then have access to both these facebook pages of my GC. I said that I did not understand why I had to go the her grandmother's facebook page to see pictures of my own GC when her husband's mother, his stepmother, his stepfather, his father, and her grandmother could access their pages BUT NOT ME, the children's maternal grandmother.
Well that is when she said the most horrid things to me by text. She even said that I had not sent my GS a powerwheels for Christmas 2012 as I had promised and that this had created complete angst for my ED and her husband because they had to go out and get him something he COULD PLAY WITH! She told me that I demonstrated my total disregard for them and showed my rudeness for not sending a powerwheels ( priced at $300), That the things I had sent him were pretty and nice but nothing he could play with! And that she was not going to allow me to be on their pages or in their lives. ....Nice huh?
Actually I sent him all kinds of boy's things...wooden cars, dinasaus, cowboy hat, books, stuffed animals...etc ! I won't go thru the list of things including Oshgosh winter coats and clothes....on and on.
So after that rant, I did not respond. I simply deleted the tread on my cell phone that went back to Christmas 2012. No more texts for me to review and wonder....I refused to go THERE again.
I began the detachment process as I have referred to before in another post on this site.
Well, I could not believe that she actually sent me another text two nights ago and it said, " Do you want the link to the professional pictures' site?" She wanted to know if I wanted to go to the photographer's site to see, order and pay for pictures of my little grandchildren.
Of course I did not text her back, instead I deleted the text..and tried to find out how to block any more text messages from her. I have blocked her cell phone number from my phone but not her ability to message me. Maybe I will have to change my phone number?
So I am moving along...when my mother calls me. She tells me that a 14 page letter sent to my father, my ED's grandfather, is filled with lies and lies. She tells me that my ED has trashed me, her, my two sisters and their husbands...and spoken trash about her husband's family.
My mother and my father, divorced since 1979, but friends, sent my ED $100 each and wished her and the baby happy birthdays. I also sent a present for my little granddaughter as I mentioned above. In all my ED received in excess of $300 in gifts on this occasion for her new baby girl.
I am dumbfounded to be sure. But again THIS behavior is in line with what I have read on this site concerning the retched behavior of these demented children.
What is interesting is my father has not told me about the letter or what is in it. But he has told my mother and one of my sister's read it.
So I am now in the process of writing out the things that I DID FOR THEM and will send the list to my mother...my defender.
My mother is so upset that she has decided not to make any other comments on the children's facebook or make any more overtures to my ED. In fact she is so outraged that my daughter would tell such lies, that she is going to let my father know the truth and actually does not want to see my ED or have any contact with her, period.
So although I am in the process of detachment, I must address this matter. I will not contact my father or my sister ( my mother lives with the sister who read the letter by the way) in regards to the letter. I am tired of all the negativity and angst my ED has caused.
I have started a new weight loss and exercise program, looking for a new job, my division was sold, and thinking about plastic surgery after my weight loss.
I just had my hair done and it looks great, a pedi and medi with purple nail polish and ...I bought a funky and cool t shirt. I am moving on and I am going to be happy regardless of this demented and sad creature known as my daughter.
Oh and I want to let you know that I talked with the young woman who was her matron of honor..she is a little older than my ED. And guess what my ED ditched and treated her badly too...they are no longer friends. They had been BFF until my ED got with my SIL.
We talked a bit about the lies and such. Back in the day, she told me she told my ED that she would love to have a mother like me.
What we have come to believe is this: We lost our BBF and my daughter when she left TN and moved to FL to be with HIM. She had known HIM back when they were 15 years old and had not seen him in 15+ years. When they reconnected, he asked her to marry him 3 months later. I was very surprised to be sure, but she was 32 years old. She left TN in August 2009 and was married in December 2009.
According to her BBF now deposed, my ED was very unhappy in FL, but loved him. He took her on cruises, on a trip to WY...got a new dog, they already had two between them...and then got her pregnant ... all within the year after they were married. He also lied to her about their finances...He worked for his parents' business and whenever he was short on money, he would ask his mother to help. My daughter never knew any of this. He kept it secret from her.
Right before their baby was born in May 2011, he told my daughter that he could not afford their lifestyle on the money he made. As his mother told me, he liked to live like he was making 100K per year when he wasn't.
What my daughter found out is he had kept hidden the real financial shape they were in. Her BFF told me that she was so upset that she wanted to leave but felt stuck because of the new baby coming...in other words, her worse nightmare was coming to life.
She had always been an independent person and at 32 her career was taking off. But she gave that up and left TN for FL for him after 3 months of reconnecting with him.
Her BBF told me that my daughter was desperate for a man in her life. That she wanted to have someone. That she was not interested in having children, but she did want a special someone.
But really, as an adult she is responsible for what she does EVEN IF HE IS WHAT HE IS. She is now 36 and knows better. She does not have to lie and tell distortions...for what purpose? All know the truth except probably my father who is in another state.
He wrote her a letter telling her to show respect and act like a good Christian so to speak ..so that has, in my opinion, resulted in her sending him a 14 page letter filled with lies. She is trying to defend herself against her ugly behavior.
Just wanted to share..
But the petals from the rotting flower of my daughter will be all that is left on the floor of my heart when I am finished. I will brush them away and look to today and tomorrow with a sense of freedom and acceptance. I will find happiness each day whether in the words of a book, a program on TV, a new job, a new outfit, a look at a beautiful sunset...a great meal...I will live and enjoy life.
.
claudiajane
I never made any promises about Christmas presents. I asked them for a list of toys and they sent me a $300 Powerwheels as a possible gift. Nothing I gave and nothing I did over the last year made any difference.
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