CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I get a monthly email message and this one I felt was worth sharing. It really spoke to me. He name is Sally and she write of personal experiences.
Prodigal journeys with our children are huge aren't they? I have learned SO much and been changed by God in the process – mainly, I think (I hope) I have become a whole lot less judgmental and more compassionate both towards the parents including myself and to our young people. So, what might be useful? I’ll have a go at some bullet points.
The first thing God spoke very clearly to me was from Mark Ch 5 verses 21-43 – all of it but with special emphasis on 3 key verses. I found myself saying to God ‘she’s dead, spiritually dead, isn’t she God?’ and hearing in my spirit ‘No, she’s not dead, she’s sleeping...’ then I read this story – it is about Jairus’ daughter – the men come from Jairus’ home and say to Jairus ‘Your daughter is dead, why bother the teacher anymore’ and my spirit leapt because that is what I was saying to God and then in verse 36 Jesus responds by saying ‘Don’t be afraid, just believe’. For a long time (months) I just held onto that one phrase and it fed my spirit and my hope. Some time later I read the story again and saw in verse 39 Jesus says ‘The child is not dead but asleep’ and I couldn't believe the confirmation of what I had heard in my spirit months before. Then again later I saw the next bit in verse 41 where Jesus goes to the little girl and says ‘Little girl, I say to you, get up!’ In my spirit I just kinda knew that Jesus was saying she has to do her journey but that He, Jesus would go to our daughter at the right moment in the future and say this to her and that she would get up and come back to life and to Him. This was such a lifeline through nearly 3 years of not seeing much change.
The second thing was that I found myself immersed in the book of Jeremiah. He is known as the weeping prophet and it is not a book I had read easily before but this time I couldn't put it down. Jeremiah is weeping for the lost nation of Israel and I was weeping for a lost daughter. Same story – just a matter of numbers! But the really good thing about this book is that how Jeremiah expresses himself to God exactly put into words what I was feeling in my own heart about our daughter – he says it so well and then of course, we have God’s response and we see God’s heart towards his wayward people and that comforted me hugely to see God’s heart about our prodigals down there on paper. The verses that leapt off the page are these: This is what the Lord says: ‘Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded, declares the Lord. They (she) will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future, declares the Lord. Your child(ren) will return to their own land.’ I knew God was speaking to me directly and I stopped weeping cos faith rose in it’s place. When God declares something – well...!
The third lifeline to me really took me by surprise – God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts not our thoughts – it is found in the book of Judges in the story of Samson. Here we have a godly couple but the wife cannot have children; an angel comes to her and tells her she’s going to have a son – she’s not allowed any wine and the boy must be a Nazarite from birth – the angel comes again at the husband’s request and leaves them in the flame of the offering – pretty amazing stuff. I reckon they must have thought this son of their’s was going to be pretty amazing with this beginning. The son is born, grows and it says the Spirit of the Lord began to stir in him as he was growing – evidence of God being with him as we want with our children – THEN – Samson goes down to Timnah and sees a pretty young Philistine woman and demands to have her. The parents reply ‘Isn't there an acceptable woman among your people’ – just as we would say – isn't their a christian, believing man for you? Then, in verse 4 it says ‘The mother and father did not know that this was of the Lord......’ That just really rocked my understanding of how God works and what He will use in our lives. But, again, I kinda knew God was speaking to me about our daughter – that He is in her situation even though it didn’t look too great to me.
So, those have been my scriptual rocks or anchor points that have held me over the past 3 years. I believe God will give every parent their own rocks to hold onto. Sally
One other thing that was crucial to me as a Mum was to grieve the loss of what our daughter had lost. The heart pain felt unbearable at times but grieving her losses was the key to dealing with my heart pain. I used these two books to do this and it took me about 8 months to do the whole process. Parents in Pain by John White and The Hurting Parent by Margie Lewis – both available very cheaply from Amazon.
Ways I have prayed:
I’ve declared the truth about her – what I know is right for her
I’ve let her go to God but not to the world
I’ve told God I’m not letting go of seeing her return to Him
I’ve asked Him that the things I am praying I will hear come out of her mouth (this has happened)
I’ve asked the Holy Spirit to brood over her day and night (like He did in Genesis Ch 1 with creation – creating good stuff in our children) and keep whispering the truth into her ears
I’ve asked Him to convict her daily of the things that are wrong in her life
I’ve prayed in tongues and asked for the interpretation and then prayed what comes
I’ve told God that however long it takes I will pray for her – even if that was for the rest of my life
Lastly for now – the business of letting go. Yes, we do need to let them go but not in a giving up sense – to their depravity – but a letting go to God and a handing over of the responsibility to Him to take care of them and a letting go that can trust God that however bad it gets - our hearts as parents will say nothing is too hard for our God.
So that’s just a bit of my/our journey – please free to use whatever is useful in any way you like. Our daughter still has a long way to return from the pig swill but there is clear evidence of her heart turning back to God but much to put right in her life still.
Prodigal journeys with our children are huge aren't they? I have learned SO much and been changed by God in the process – mainly, I think (I hope) I have become a whole lot less judgmental and more compassionate both towards the parents including myself and to our young people. So, what might be useful? I’ll have a go at some bullet points.
The first thing God spoke very clearly to me was from Mark Ch 5 verses 21-43 – all of it but with special emphasis on 3 key verses. I found myself saying to God ‘she’s dead, spiritually dead, isn’t she God?’ and hearing in my spirit ‘No, she’s not dead, she’s sleeping...’ then I read this story – it is about Jairus’ daughter – the men come from Jairus’ home and say to Jairus ‘Your daughter is dead, why bother the teacher anymore’ and my spirit leapt because that is what I was saying to God and then in verse 36 Jesus responds by saying ‘Don’t be afraid, just believe’. For a long time (months) I just held onto that one phrase and it fed my spirit and my hope. Some time later I read the story again and saw in verse 39 Jesus says ‘The child is not dead but asleep’ and I couldn't believe the confirmation of what I had heard in my spirit months before. Then again later I saw the next bit in verse 41 where Jesus goes to the little girl and says ‘Little girl, I say to you, get up!’ In my spirit I just kinda knew that Jesus was saying she has to do her journey but that He, Jesus would go to our daughter at the right moment in the future and say this to her and that she would get up and come back to life and to Him. This was such a lifeline through nearly 3 years of not seeing much change.
The second thing was that I found myself immersed in the book of Jeremiah. He is known as the weeping prophet and it is not a book I had read easily before but this time I couldn't put it down. Jeremiah is weeping for the lost nation of Israel and I was weeping for a lost daughter. Same story – just a matter of numbers! But the really good thing about this book is that how Jeremiah expresses himself to God exactly put into words what I was feeling in my own heart about our daughter – he says it so well and then of course, we have God’s response and we see God’s heart towards his wayward people and that comforted me hugely to see God’s heart about our prodigals down there on paper. The verses that leapt off the page are these: This is what the Lord says: ‘Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded, declares the Lord. They (she) will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future, declares the Lord. Your child(ren) will return to their own land.’ I knew God was speaking to me directly and I stopped weeping cos faith rose in it’s place. When God declares something – well...!
The third lifeline to me really took me by surprise – God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts not our thoughts – it is found in the book of Judges in the story of Samson. Here we have a godly couple but the wife cannot have children; an angel comes to her and tells her she’s going to have a son – she’s not allowed any wine and the boy must be a Nazarite from birth – the angel comes again at the husband’s request and leaves them in the flame of the offering – pretty amazing stuff. I reckon they must have thought this son of their’s was going to be pretty amazing with this beginning. The son is born, grows and it says the Spirit of the Lord began to stir in him as he was growing – evidence of God being with him as we want with our children – THEN – Samson goes down to Timnah and sees a pretty young Philistine woman and demands to have her. The parents reply ‘Isn't there an acceptable woman among your people’ – just as we would say – isn't their a christian, believing man for you? Then, in verse 4 it says ‘The mother and father did not know that this was of the Lord......’ That just really rocked my understanding of how God works and what He will use in our lives. But, again, I kinda knew God was speaking to me about our daughter – that He is in her situation even though it didn’t look too great to me.
So, those have been my scriptual rocks or anchor points that have held me over the past 3 years. I believe God will give every parent their own rocks to hold onto. Sally
One other thing that was crucial to me as a Mum was to grieve the loss of what our daughter had lost. The heart pain felt unbearable at times but grieving her losses was the key to dealing with my heart pain. I used these two books to do this and it took me about 8 months to do the whole process. Parents in Pain by John White and The Hurting Parent by Margie Lewis – both available very cheaply from Amazon.
Ways I have prayed:
I’ve declared the truth about her – what I know is right for her
I’ve let her go to God but not to the world
I’ve told God I’m not letting go of seeing her return to Him
I’ve asked Him that the things I am praying I will hear come out of her mouth (this has happened)
I’ve asked the Holy Spirit to brood over her day and night (like He did in Genesis Ch 1 with creation – creating good stuff in our children) and keep whispering the truth into her ears
I’ve asked Him to convict her daily of the things that are wrong in her life
I’ve prayed in tongues and asked for the interpretation and then prayed what comes
I’ve told God that however long it takes I will pray for her – even if that was for the rest of my life
Lastly for now – the business of letting go. Yes, we do need to let them go but not in a giving up sense – to their depravity – but a letting go to God and a handing over of the responsibility to Him to take care of them and a letting go that can trust God that however bad it gets - our hearts as parents will say nothing is too hard for our God.
So that’s just a bit of my/our journey – please free to use whatever is useful in any way you like. Our daughter still has a long way to return from the pig swill but there is clear evidence of her heart turning back to God but much to put right in her life still.
I have an adult daughter who is still very respectful to us, her parents, although she has decided to live her life without God..and for now, I continue to pray that she will return to Him. I have fears that she will estrange herself from us like her older brother has, however, she has promised to never hurt us this way because she has seen us both cry real tears of sadness over the estrangement with her brother, especially the part of being denied our rightful place in our grandson's life.
Our adult children have been given a free will. They must make their own choice to believe and accept Christ in their lives. We did our best to teach them, and sometimes the "baton" doesn't get picked up. Sometimes I feel sad that I've dropped the baton in this relay of life. It would be such joy to see all our children walk in the path of righteousness. Now, I'm learning not to blame myself for this failure, as I realize that they must make this decision on their own.
I liked what this author has written about our prodigals....it was very inspiring...
We have two prodigal adult kids- a girl 25 and a boy 22.
It hurts every day that we have a broken relationship.
Husband can't understand why I don't just get over it. I can't so far. I pray a lot.
Come to think of it, I can't understand why he worries about our finances every day either. I don't like being a one income household in a two income household world either. But I rarely get a stomachache over it.
We're just different I guess.
Anyway thank you for your blog, my dear. It helps to talk about it, you know?
Sincerely.
It gives us hope!