CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
We went to a second wedding last night of one of our sweet friends, and we saw lots of parents with kids our kids' age from the community who we used to see regularly. Since our daughter has gone and we have moved our son to private school, we do not see these people much anymore. One of the ladies told my friend that she wasn't going to speak to me because I wasn't speaking to my daughter. My husband got wind of this and tried to defend me by confronting her on it. She accused us of deserting our daughter (this estrangement started when my ED got pregnant at 17 and ran off with this horrible guy she eventually married). Of course this lady had most of the facts wrong and basically told my husband that he was too religious and this was no way to treat our daughter. Oh if she only knew the real story. Another lady at the wedding came up to me and said she had seen my ED and granddaughter that day and went on and on about how adorable my granddaughter is- knowing full well it was a painful situation. We ended up leaving the wedding and I cried all the way home and barely slept last night.
The pain of estrangement is enough, but to realize that much of the community is talking about us behind our backs --- oh that just hurts. Unfortunately, I believe my ED has set this stage because her life is not working out and wants to blame someone. We did everything and more for her but she wanted her independence, so we let her go.
I did learn a valuable lesson last night.... this is not my battle (or my husband's- no matter how valiant he is!) to fight. This is full out spiritual warfare. I cannot reason with gossipers or try to set the story straight. I asked God for forgiveness this morning for my thoughts and words about these women, and asked Him to take over this fight.
Like the rest of you on this board, I would give ANYTHING to have our ED back in our lives. But we will not be manipulated and abused again. How can your own flesh and blood that you loved and cherished their whole lives turn on you and stab you in the heart and then turn around and stab you in the back?
Thanks for listening.
Hugs.
The pain of estrangement is enough, but to realize that much of the community is talking about us behind our backs --- oh that just hurts. Unfortunately, I believe my ED has set this stage because her life is not working out and wants to blame someone. We did everything and more for her but she wanted her independence, so we let her go.
I did learn a valuable lesson last night.... this is not my battle (or my husband's- no matter how valiant he is!) to fight. This is full out spiritual warfare. I cannot reason with gossipers or try to set the story straight. I asked God for forgiveness this morning for my thoughts and words about these women, and asked Him to take over this fight.
Like the rest of you on this board, I would give ANYTHING to have our ED back in our lives. But we will not be manipulated and abused again. How can your own flesh and blood that you loved and cherished their whole lives turn on you and stab you in the heart and then turn around and stab you in the back?
Thanks for listening.
Hugs.
I just heard a great sermon by Charles Stanley on tv this morning. I highly recommend all to check their tv s for a repeat of this program. It was concerning bondage and how God wants us to be free. He defines bondage in ways I never considered, but found I am guilty. My thoughts were for all of us suffering from estrangement while listening to him.
The first year of estrangement (4 years ago) we had many people (mostly Christians)come against us by defending our ED and her lies. People did not check out what our 20 year old mentally ill ED was saying as she try to play the victim and literally destroy us. People love drama. Most of them have since come to know the truth. Sometimes, I want to say how dare they and would if I had the opportunity in some cases.
In other cases, I give it to the Lord and thank Him that the enemy was not successful in destroying us. It has taken a toll in many ways but in Christ we can be more than conquerors. I still have to be prepared for questions and comments. We do not owe anyone who is just bring curious an explanation. If the person is asking out of concern keeping it short and changing the subject often works best.
My ED loves to tell tales about her upbringing, and how we " physically fought," and I "abandoned her." I've never physically fought anyone in my entire life. She actually told one person that she didn't have a mother, and her father raised her. That's funny, I remember her father out with his girlfriend for most of our marriage. Not quite sure how he could have raised her while he was "playing house" with another woman!
I know Our Lord knows the truth, and no matter how matters untruths she might tell, and unknowing people may believe, Jesus knows my daughter is lying.