I think the silence is just what has to be in order to move past the emotional devastation of the estrangement. I don't think it's retaliation, or revenge, or anything like that--I think it is just the sound of us finally understanding that we can't change it and letting it go.

I think the silence is giving our Lord a chance to work. Wait and be patient and see what happens.

Psalms 37:7 Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently stay yourself upon him.

I have clung to this verse through many a storm! When my job of 20 years was over, when my father disowned me and my dying brother. I waited on the Lord. I have an unbelievable job now (that I wouldn't have had if I had not waited on the Lord), after 21/2 long sad years my Estranged Dad came back. I have something EXTRA special with him now that I would never have had if I hadn't waited on the Lord.

That doesn't mean everything turns out prefect, it doesn't! My brother died. It took 2 long years after his death for the Lord to open the door of communication again. It will NEVER be the same as before but I
am so grateful for this opportunity before the Lord takes him home.

Yes silence is golden when it comes from our Lord!

When our EK's give us the silent treatment they are sending us a message. By the same token, when we "go silent" we too are sending a message. To us it is clear what they intend to say in the message they are sending to us. I think it is important to know what is going on in our own hearts before we take the step of "going silent" in return as you so wisely have though about beforehand Maria.

The way that I see it is that this is very similar in principle to what we read of Jesus telling the disciples in Mt. 10 to “shake the dust off your feet." The same "principle" can be interpreted in different ways just as the person rejecting the message of the gospel can interpret the act of having the disciples "shake the dust off their feet" as they were leaving the house.

- In one sense it can be taken to mean “writing someone off”, at least for now.
- Another interpretation can be of passive-aggressively “telling someone off”.
- A similar, idea can be seen as “not letting someone off” via an obscure, non-confrontational action, that leaves the other in a false sense of confidence over some problem.

That third idea is the idea of drawing a clear, but gentle, line of demarcation about our problem. This is not to encourage division and debate; but, to make clear that we acknowledge that a serious problem exists. I am saying to them that I believe that if this problem is never addressed, it will fester and grow. To be sure, sometimes there are differences of opinions that are going to need to peacefully co-exist in a relationship. But, we do not need to let “white elephants” run rampant in our relationships. It is a difficult balance to strike: argumentative vs. unemotional. It's responding with self-control vs. reacting emotionally with angry verbal diatribes.

Since we have tried and tried to help our ES and DIL, to reach them, and they constantly reject any attempts to improve or to receive the peace that we are offering, it's time to move on. Actually I see this as more of a firm, but gentle, separation, but with a unmistakable, serious caution - like realizing that for now I am not God's instrument for this rebellious child. It is more about "how" I move on. (always looking down the road for the return of the prodigal)

That is how I take it.

I agree with you GuelsMom that our silence is our statement that a serious problem exists and our silence means we are responding with self-control rather than anger and emotional outbursts. Trouble is mature, Christian people always feel they need to express LOVE so this goes against what we believe in our hearts. So it it a head vs. heart thing.

"Be still and know that I am Lord" Psalm 46. This may be better interpreted as "cause yourself to let go." We surrender so as to know that God is in control. We give up trusting in ourselves to experience the Glory of God's all sufficiency. When we surrender all unto the Lord we find peace and will be delivered from our fears. As humans, we want to control things or fix things. We try and try but it isn't until we surrender these things unto the Lord that we find peace. Eventually we grow silent and this should send a strong message to our EC. We put all of our trust in the Lord. We cannot do anything to make our EC change or answer us so we must trust in the Lord. If the EC comes to us, that is what happens but if it doesn't God is with us. Either way we must trust in the Lord. I feel that calling my child only empowers him and I will not live with him feeling his power when in the over all scheme of things, he can't change me either. I will not become another person and cower to his demands. That part of me is through because I have tried many times. My husband keeps telling me about the Prodigal Son and how he had to come unto himself before he would return home. When he/she does return to us there will be great rejoicing. But, I feel that our silence and placing it all in God's hands is a very powerful statement to our EC.

Wow, this has changed my thinking entirely. I will remain silent.

If I honestly examine my feelings about my this-time 3-week silence, I think it represents a combination of messages (both projected and internalized):

(1) I'm hurt and can't stand to reach out and be hurt again.
(2) If I wait and see if you contact me - and you do - it will mean something to me....even if only a smidgeon.
(3) I know I can't manage this and that God can.
(4) Maybe we both need to heal before we can hope to interact in a healthier way with each other.

Good topic and helpful insights! For dh and I, we are definitely in the season of keeping silence with our ED.
"A time to keep silence, and a time to speak." Eccl 3:7

LET GO AND LET GOD. BUT WE MUST GO FURTHER THAN THIS.

Rom 12:14 Bless those who persecute you. Don't curse them; pray that God will bless them.
Rom 12:15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.
Rom 12:16 Live in harmony with each other. Don't be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all!
Rom 12:17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.
Rom 12:18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
Rom 12:19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD.
Rom 12:20 Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads."
Rom 12:21 Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

ROGER EDWARDS

Thanks everyone for your wonderful insights. It isn't easy to keep silent when we love our EC. In my case, since my EC visited this summer, I will reach out on EC's upcoming b-day to acknowledge it and let EC know I'd like to spend time with him during the holidays and ask EC to call if he would like to make plans to see me. If I don't get a response, I will practice silence and faith.