BTW, the reason his sister knew is because she lives in the same city as our son & he is very close to the sister's husband. He still hasn't called to tell us. Hubby's sister begged us not to tell him she told us, because she is afraid he wont trust them anymore & wont call them. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back. I'm afraid I will have to ask my sister for the money to send him to rehab, cuz we sure don't have the $ right now. That's the LAST thing I want to do. She is very well off, but she would not let me forget it.

Hmmm...I know it's tough to practice "tough love" with our kids. How old is your son? If he is over 20 years of age, I would wonder if you should bail him out. If he doesn't realize on his own that he needs rehab, it will likely be a total waste of money. Is this him hitting bottom, or does he still have a ways to go? It sounds harsh, but bailing them out of consequences they have brought upon themselves, in my humble opinion, does not help. They NEED to learn for themselves. As parents, we're doing them no favours by making it easy for them to screw up and move on.

Barbi, Yes, he is 22. I know I shouldn't bail him out, but sending him to rehab would be helping him. The tremendous guilt I am feeling yet again is getting in my way. I should have called the police on my husband for allowing our son to drink at 17 & then letting him drive home. Maybe if I had done that, we wouldn't be facing this. One of my mother figure friends told me it's my responsibility to do everything I can for him, including bailing him out. She says I should've handled things differently, and that he was in no way, mature enough to move out at 19. With my low self-esteem as a mother, I agree with her. It didn't even hurt my feelings. Of course, my sister says it's all my fault. She loves to remind me that I was not a perfect mother.
My heart feels so dead, and empty right now. All I want to do is sleep. Im tired of the drama my kids bring me. It's wayyyy worse than when they were growing up. I just got my anti-depressant dose doubled, I sure hope it works. I honestly don't know if Im going to make it, Im just weary of this earthly life. Just the way I feel today, sorry.

I believe rehab won't work until they want to go, and ask to go. They have to really want it themselves. It's waiting for them to get to that point that's hard and scary.

I believe your mother figure friend and your sister are wrong, wrong, wrong. Your son is an adult. You did not cause this. Nothing you did caused it. You also can't control it, and can't cure it.

What you need to do, imo, is nothing, until the day that he himself sincerely seeks help. I know it's hard. I also know none of it - not one little bit of it! - is your fault OR your responsibility.

Gordos, It is not your fault. It is not your husband's fault. Your son is an adult and he makes his own choices and must bear the results. This is a learning process. He is still young. One of my sons (not estranged and older than your son now) had a drinking/ driving accident at 21. It was not at that moment that he turned his life around but God used it as part of his journey back to God and his testimony. Lots of time, patience, and prayer are needed. Love him unconditionally. Be there for him if he asks. God is able. I have seen it! PTL.

I actually don't blame my husband completely, I blame myself for passing on the gene for alcoholism. He called us, but didn't tell us about being fired. My husband says that he hadn't been drinking. I was taking a nap, so I didn't speak to him. I do love him unconditionally & pray for him every day. Patience is a little harder for me.

So much of this is harder on moms than on our children. Praying for you. I do understand.

oh gordos, please don't blame yourself for this… You are hurting enough without the added guilt. We are living in a fallen world and we're fighting a real battle-- your son's battle may be with alcoholism, but you are not the cause. If Satan can keep us in the blame game then he keeps us from fully focusing on what is true and that is what the Lord has already done--defeated him.
Satan may use whatever he can to tear down whoever he can, but even this is not beyond the blood of Christ. Lifting you all in prayer.

Thank you katesmom, the evil one & his demons are living among us. He hasn't long to gather souls, so he is working overtime. I can feel it when I meet some people. I get a sick feeling & my hair stands on end. I stay away from those people. Yes, guilt plays a huge part in my feelings. I have grown stronger in the last year. I would've lost it completely a year ago, & did. I am not feeling defeated this time. The more time goes on, & the more poor choices my son makes, I am slowly realizing it isn't totally my fault.

Exactly Gordos. Guilt is from the enemy not the Lord. Let's tell him No!