My first thought, edr, is that I would take this invitation from the Lord and accept it. Pray much before the day that it would be a peaceful and joy filled one.

well you could go and maybe just bring one thing for everyone ( food maybe or candy). I don't know how well that will go over. You could explain to your son how you feel about it . I would not do anything extravagant for people who do not respect me or treat me as a decent human being. That is saying to them - go ahead and walk all over me. You could also just say you will only bring gifts for the young children and candy for the older ones. It feels like walking on egg shells doesn't it? i know you love the gc but I also don't want you to keep getting repeatedly hurt. maybe you could sit down with your son alone and explain things to him about how hurt and tired you are.

I would buy a really nice card & write something personal on it. You will find out real fast, from their reaction, what their motives are. I like savedbyhim's idea of just bringing one thing for the whole family, maybe a cheese-cracker basket, pie, or candy. My son used to start sucking up right before his bday & Christmas, I knew why..Its sad we have to be suspicious about our children's motives.

The only time we have been able to see our GC is their birthdays - of course I am blessed with any contact at all. ES last was here at Christmas with all the kids. In May is the official time of estrangement but it was coming for a while since we were never included in any school activities, Grandparent's Day, etc. Just heard from him yesterday that now the dog does need surgery. We went through this a couple of weeks ago - she was to have surgery and GF was going to take her to the vet - nothing done. That dog is so lovable and almost like another child. We all love sweet Kimmie who is a large black lab but thinks she is a lap dog. They have had her for many years and are all very attached. Asked in my reply if there is any way I could help. He is an educated person but replied "don't want nothing from you." So I don't know if it is GF using his acct or him. Anyway, he did make it clear in May that he will never accept anything from us. Of course at some point before Christmas we will take gifts over for all the children since we won't be seeing them during their Christmas break. I will bring something for the whole family - perhaps some thing home made that I know they all enjoy. Sorry about the long message. But, yes, I would bring one family gift but nothing extravagant.

Thank you all for good suggestions hugs to all

Edr, back in the worst of my days with the EC situations with my sons and in past times as well with my dysfunctional family, when I would get to a point emotionally where each contact I had with them was emotionally traumatic for me, I had to detach for a while and heal.

You know I don't think any one of us would ever question the wisdom in keeping an open wound on our body from being constantly reopened, rewounded, and never allowed to heal. We all recognize that an open bleeding wound takes especial care and protection to be allowed to heal. Yet we all constantly allow others to reopen, rewound, and never allow our emotional wounds to heal.

There just comes a time Edr when we all reach the point emotionally where we are done, we are on overload, and if we don't take time to heal, then we end up with a more serious emotional wound than hurt feelings, now we've got depression and PTSD, or worse...

Please be careful and don't push yourself emotionally if it "messes with your emotions" beyond what you can safely tolerate! God gave us emotions to warn us when we are not in a safe place mentally the same as He gave us nerve endings physically to tell us that we have put our hand on something hot!