Autumn, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. Our ED has told lies and made false accusations. It makes us feel so sad and is difficult to understand. . We try all we can and do for our EC but nothing seems to please them. I believe it comes to their relationship with the Lord. Estrangement and the way they treat their parents is sin. Only God can fully and permanently change their hearts.

We care about you and support you.

Autumn, I know how I've begun to feel guarded whenever I have thoughts of reconciliation with my ED for the very reality you've experienced. Fear of another rejection.

I'm so sorry this has happened. We pray and strive to reconcile with our EC, but I don't think anything can prepare us for a second or third go round of estrangement.

You didn't do anything wrong. You are a loving mother trying to love a child that is behaving in an unloving way. Please don't take any of this upon yourself. This belongs to your ED, and she, just like all of our EC, need to own their poor behavior. We live in a time where the younger population are taught in the public square, that they owe no one, and are accountable for nothing.
It's sad to me that those who teach this to our children, don't recognize the present and eternal damage they cause.

I pray The Lord comforts you Autumn, we all care about you.....

thank you linda and sommer for your support. It sure helps when we reach a low point.

Autumn, so sorry you are going thru this again. I walk on eggshells with my dd because estrangement with es and his family is enough. I don't want another one. What I find, however, is that walking on eggshells keeps our relationship very surface and she can still get upset with something I say innocently or if it is just "that time of the month" for her. So, even more than eggshells, I find it is best that I don't visit often. Such a sad way to have a relationship with an adult child.

And like was said above, you know it is not YOU. There is something emotionally wrong with the behavior of your daughter.(and mine) You are not the only victim.....they always have someone they target. And the lies are crazy. My ES says things to people and his kids and there is absolutely nothing I can do. And if the people he talks to believe what he says, well, that says something about them. We are always here if they want to know the truth but they don't.

You must be totally drained after trying to maintain a relationship, especially in order to see your gc. I feel so sorry for these kids. How will they turn out after living with these people? We have to pray for their protection and stability. Praying for God to keep you and for you to remember that you did not cause this. Maybe you actually needed some time away from your daughter. Sounds like she will be back again. I pray for mental help for her and wisdom for you on how to handle her in the future. So hard, because we are still moms and love our kids in spite of it all.

Thank you IronCowgirl. I am mentally drained. This has been going on for years and years. I am so thankful for this site. I truly believe if I didn't have this place to run to, I might not be here. This is my comfort my safe zone. You have to be going thru this or have been thru it to truly understand. Love for all of you

I am so very sorry to hear this. What has happened to you is the exact reason my DH and I are so very cautious about any type of reconciliation with our ES. We just flat out don't trust him and his wife. If I could see one glimmer of a repentant heart, or anything genuine, I probably would. But when they-he do contact us, it is in such an arrogant, haughty way....making demands, saying I can come, but not my husband, or vice versa....we know it is just mind games they are playing with us, so sadly we decline. Or when we try to make "baby steps" with them, we are told NOPE! Too late, either you jump in all the way or not at all, so sorry, too late, now you can never see the grandkids. That type behavior. They bait us, and try to reel us in, and then lop us off. Well you know the saying....fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

thank you poodlegirl. I sure can relate to the arrogant, haughty way. Its their way or no way. They enjoy their power. I have to try and be stronger. I know what I should do, its just hard. Thank you for responding. I feel comforted.

I love what poodle said about a seeing glimmer of a repentant heart. If we saw that there could be baby steps. This is also what is lacking in our ED. She would rather play the victim. We pray one day they are willing. Only God can bring them to that point.

Very sorry to hear of your painful experience and I agree, thank God for this site because no one else can even come close to understanding how awful these estrangements are and how our children act. His peace and strength be yours.

Autumnwind i am so sorry, i have just started the babystep stage with son/dil, and very nervous, i told dh they did it once they will do it again and i understand the exhaustion it places on your body,and in your mind.I am so glad this is a safe place for you cause it is for me to.Again i am so sorry,i can never say it wont happen again for me so i keep my wall up,dont get me wrong i am so thankful to see my gs,son but it isnot the same but to be honest i cant remember how it useto be,i am going to enjoy my gs on the days i do see him.My prayers are with you.

Autumn, so sorry to hear about this repeat estrangement. My prayers are with you and for your ED that He will open her eyes to the hurt she is doing to herself and her loved ones.

Autumn I'm so sorry to hear that it blew up again into a full blown estrangement. It's such mental/emotional warfare and it's completely unfair because the grand kids are used as pawns AND weapons. I'm sorry that you are going through this yet again. Sometimes it's like an unending roller coaster and you just want to get off the ride. I'm glad you can get support here and at least have some comfort in a really messed up situation.