I have a long story, way too long to share on here. In summary, though I was told by so many people that I was born with so many blessings...physical beauty, above average intelligence, a good heart, funny, acquired the highest degree in education...and so on....my life has been an endless tale of losses, rejection, unfairness, sadness, pain, and tragedy. It seems to worst than ever since I accepted the Lord as a Jew 22 yrs ago. It took every bit of strength to be happy and feel good about myself until I made the poor choice of marrying who I believed, at the time, was my soulmate and God's choice for me. To the outside world, we were the poster couple and family after our precious daughter was born, but only my family knew the torture I endured as a result of being married to a pill addict. My life was marked by anxiety, chaos, and abuse. I did the best I could to be the wife that God wanted me to be and to have hope of restoration, as my husband had also accepted the Lord months after I did, when our child was still an infant. We attended church at least twice a week and raised our daughter to be a Christian, which I know she was at a very young age. My husband was a saint and the devil all in one person, depending on the day, month or year. It was very difficult for me and many times I was overcome by anger, as deceit was always lurking around the corner which made it impossible for me to trust my husband for any length of time. I did all I could to protect my daughter from the hell I lived in and to raise her with as much happiness as possible. We did have many moments of joy as a family and my daughter adored her daddy who was fun and loved her to the best of his ability. He was also a very good provider. Fast forward....just when I thought that God had answered my prayers and that all of my sacrifices had paid off, my husband went off the deep end, abandoned us, and did very cruel things to both myself and my daughter. He died shortly after of an overdose and left us broken in every possible way. I still provided very well for my child and brought her laughter even when all I wanted to do was cry. I defended her, protected her, loved her beyond anything she could ask for, took care of her every need possible, modeled good morality and values; but none of that was good enough for her. We went from having the most beautiful, fun, and loving relationship to her hating me and treating me with disdain and a complete lack of respect. I began to weaken by so much abuse. She even attacked me once physically, leaving me with a broken rib, a concussion, and a deformed face which healed after over a month. She had no compassion any longer and was a completely different child than the one I had known and thought I had raised with so much affection, love, and kindness. After much prayer she seemed to change as she went to college and was now starting to appreciate me once again. I went through a very difficult year in 2014 after an almost deadly car accident where I was left with a concussion once again and PTSD, which developed into a severe depression. My daughter had just started to seriously date a wonderful Christian boy, 4 yrs her senior and I was very happy for her, but I needed her help as I deteriorated more and more. She returned to her previous ways of being cruel to me and refusing to help me in any way. I reached the lowest point of my life and had no desire to live any longer. However, I overcame it, she apologized to me, and things were seemingly great again. We were very close and out of the clear blue, 6 months ago, she severed all contact with me shortly after her boyfriend moved to her college town. She wrote me an email after I begged her to tell me why. It was filled with distortions about how I had accused her for years of being selfish, cruel, and emotionally abusive but that I was the one who was all of those things, that she was not responsible for my life, that my irresponsibility was my fault, that I had blamed her for things she never did and made her apologize over and over, and that she needed space from me to get well for as long as she needed. My daughter had turned me into "mommy dearest" overnight and for no valid reason!. None of what she wrote was true and she always knew that she could work anything out with her mom, yet now she was refusing for some strange reason. She's wanted nothing to do with me no matter how much I've pleaded with her, asked her to discuss things with me as I cried to her in voice messages, reminded her that her behavior was not Godly, and that nobody gets well by damaging another person, especially their mom! I was already in a fragile state. My career suffered terribly after the car accident, I haven't been able to form a new relationship with a man, and what my daughter did and how she did it has caused me damage that I believe is beyond repair. She doesn't seem to have a heart anymore and a hatred for me that nobody understands why all over again. I am broken and feeling hopeless like never before. How can I ever trust her again? My faith is almost nonexistant, as I wonder how God could allow so much injustice in my life, which seems endless with the latest one from my only child being the lowest and most painful blow I ever received in my life. Please forgive me for making this so long. I am in so much pain that I can hardly breath and have no motivation to do anything. Not to mention that I'm also recovering from pneumonia. Why would I bother if everything I worked so hard for in my life has turned into nothing or a source of misery???