CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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/ CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Support Group

Not ashamed.

ritt4me
ritt4me
Hi, Thank you for adding me and thank you to those who have reached out to me. I have not posted anything about my ES yet, so I guess it is time. I just wrote in my journal. I hope I am doing all this correctly. I am not ashamed. It is just hard to explain to others, our ES has basically left our whole family and no one knows why this happened.

I just dont understand why this happened. I lost my father this year July 20th, Thank God me and my 2 youngest were able to see him, it was unexpected. Anyway from that week on, I slowly lost my oldest.

We had to beg our ES to come to the funeral, which we did not understand why as my father helped raise him when I was a single mother.

There was a lot of bickering with ES and my mother, over a possession which really did not need to be complete the day after the funeral, was not my doing. Anyway, moving forward, my ES got married in October in which I was kicked out of everything helping with the wedding about 2 weeks after the death of my father. ES siblings still at home with us, were kicked in and out of the wedding 3 x.

4 days before the wedding I received a phone call stating if I spoke at the wedding I would be kicked out. A lot of phone calls, texts and messages before the wedding just trying to connect. never a response at all. 2 weeks after the wedding got a call wanted to come and get his birth certificate, I walked in from work got a huge hug from him, was told he might take a job in another state basically in the middle of the US so states away, currently ES lives in another state but only an hour away. I tried making contact the next day and several times since. No response. I have finally gave up. Figured it is in God's hands at this point. I am blocked from ES and DIL on social media have been before the wedding as is his siblings.

Anyone else have this happen? We use to be so close and at the drop of a hat, I am the worst mother in the world with not knowing why.
gordos4
gordos4
OMGosh yes, a lot of us have similar stories, you are not alone. PLEASE don't tell yourself you are a horrible mother! I did that for years & have finally realized I was a good mom, not perfect, but I did the best I could. They knew they were loved, protected, fed, had a roof over their heads, security, etc. EC sometimes "dream" of things that never happened & accuse us of doing them. My oldest son is the most estranged, we haven't spoken since June, & 10 years before that, I walked on pins & needles around him. My 2nd oldest is better, but we have our issues too. They had a different dad then my other 2, & my first husband was a real piece of work. He told them both that I wanted to have an abortion with them. I had just graduated from a Catholic high school..i would never have even thought of it. He got them to move in with him when one was 12 & the other 16. He filled them with hatred for me. THEN he got diagnosed with cancer & admitted to them shortly before he died, that he had lied to them. The damage was done though, & my relationship with my sons is forever altered.
The past year has been the most difficult of my life, BUT my relationship with God has grown, so I am doing better. Just pray for your son every day. It is difficult sometimes because of the way they treat us, but it's the only thing that has gotten me through. I will light a candle for us all again tomorrow & include us all when I recite my Chaplet of Mercy.
Coming here for support is a positive thing. We ALL understand what you are going through & will never judge you. Welcome & ((hugs))
FollowingHim
FollowingHim
What is the old saying?? there is no sense in nonsense........and this is most of our stories. I have been in this situation, again, this hard, for a little over a year and three months. You sound as if you you are in the disbelief stage. I think I was in this stage the longest. Just cant believe its happening , why its happening etc. etc. I think you might have at hand a couple of things too that effected my situation. Entitlement is huge in this generation. Also, it could be that because your daddy really had a hand in raising him he was really hurt at his passing and cant handle it. Who knows... My personal testimony is that God wants to fill that void. He can and will. He knows how bad we hurt and yes , even, we are called to fellowship in His sufferings. I know there is a reason for all of this but time will help you. I pray for your case it will be over very soon.
lindajoan
lindajoan
Welcome here,ritt4me, We do understand what you are going through. Estrangement is difficult even though our journeys vary.

We were all good (though admittedly) imperfect mothers who do not deserve to be dishonored according to God's Word. It is impossible to make sense of the senseless. Only God can change hearts. We can pray.

We are here for you.
ritt4me
ritt4me
Thank you all for your support, Following him, You are probably right, I am still in disbelief of it all. My husband said "entitlement" is huge for this generation. Plus we think he is trying to grow up and be a man, but has maybe not done it in such a way that is healthy. I figure all I can do is pray at this point. Blessings.
savedbyhim45
savedbyhim45
I understand how hurtful it is , I have 2 sons . One is 27 and doesn't care anything for others. He is a supposed christian but treats his own family terrible. The other son left home early and made up some lies to go live with another family, which backed him up. I haven't seen him in 2 years. There are no words to describe the pain of losing children like this but you have God on your side who will sustain you through life and death. Lean on him and cling to the cross. We are here for you and wish you the best. we can pray for each other. Thank you gordos for lighting that candle. It is greatly appreciated and I am sorry about what your ex husband did to you.
feellinghelpless
feellinghelpless
My ED left with her bf July 2012. We were close up to the day she left. I don't think you ever get past the disbelief. There'll never be understanding until our EC can even explain why they did what they did. They may not even know. ED got married this July and I happened to find out in Sept. I wasn't invited and wasn't supposed to know.
barbyzhere
barbyzhere
I'm feeling the pain on here and the despair. Giving my situation to God and leaving it there, in spite of thoughts that come, has helped me. I can't fix this. I have tried everything and it didn't work. If God doesn't do something out of the ordinary with it, nothing will change. I have been told that God cares about everything, big and small, in our lives. This will prove it one way or the other. I'm trusting God to do something. My family's eternal life is at stake. I don't care how He does it, I just want it done. If it means more suffering for me and his Dad, so be it. We'll be done with this life soon. How it goes with our children and grandchildren is top priority. I do not want the family circle to be broken in heaven. How could that ever be a happy place otherwise?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Welcome to a healing place ritt4me! We are all so glad you are here with us! You are not a bad mother!!!! If so then so are all the rest of us here....you will find as you get to know us through our journals and posts on the board that we all share a similar story here with our EC, yet each one also uniquely all it's own journey as well. Get ready to have lots of loving arms wrapped around you and many shoulders to cry on, most of all many friends to walk along the path of healing with!