CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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gordos4 04/14/2015

Well, my son had his hearing yesterday, & the damn (sorry for the language) judge let him out on bond, which he paid. His court date for the 3rd degree assault on an officer is on MAY 4TH!! He has 3 weeks to be by himself & drink. My husband was supportive of our sons choice & helped him (enabled is more like it)...me....not so much. Come to find out, they didn't share the info with the judge that my son has been ECP'd 3 times. All he was aware of was the assault charge. Our justice system is seriously flawed. Now, he doesn't have a job, which I really don't think he will have a real problem finding another one, Lincoln needs a lot of young people to fill jobs. I am terrified that he will not get the first job he applies for, & will get drunk. My husband is in serious DENIAL. I more or less told him, if Brody kills himself or anyone else, it's partially on his shoulders. This one, I will not feel guilt for. I have been trying to teach my husband about alcoholics for 15 years & it still hasn't sunken into his thick skull. If anything happens to Brody, we will be divorced, I can almost guarantee it. My son says he was "Scared straight" & never wants to go back to jail. The woman police officer that arrested him last week was trying to give us hope by saying " I have seen kids turn their lives around after a few days in jail". I was praying for Brody to meet a Godly person in jail that could help him. While he was there, a 44 year old man was in jail for 60 days, for what, Im not sure. He told Brody that he doesn't belong in jail & not to let alcohol ruin his life. He gave him a card for a support group for alcoholics (not AA). I know Brody cannot get sober without help, but he is still in denial too. All I can think of is the man who committed suicide last week after a failed attempt at rehab. I feel so helpless, and am very mad at my husband. This whole thing has taken a huge toll on my marriage, which wasn't strong to begin with. The only reason I am hanging on is because of the little hope I have left, prayer & my Seroquel. I have an appointment with a new counselor this afternoon that does bio-feedback. Not sure how much that will help, but I guess I will give it a try. I am just praying that the man Brody met in jail was an angel in disguise. Brody didn't want to talk to me last night, because he knows I don't support his decision.

gordos4 04/14/2015

P.S. I would love to have my marriage work out, but we cant even work on it right now because of the problems with our son. Im trying to honor the vows I took 24 years ago, but it is very difficult. I told my husband if we had ANY chance of saving our marriage, we will need some very serious counseling.

agrandmothersheart 04/14/2015

Gordos4, this is my opinion,,,, and my opinion only...

You need to step away from your son for your own mental health. I know how difficult it is... trust me on this. However, he is an adult now, and needs to take responsibility for his own life choices. You need to ask God to help you put your son into His loving arms, and leave him there. You need to focus on your own marriage. The devil is hard at work on you, but you cannot let him win! You need to take back your own life, starting with letting your so go, totally and completely.

We are all here for you, to give you support. We all care about your well-being. There will be others who will take your son under their wing, that's the way life is. Pray for him, of course, but let him go. If he falls, let him fall. Letting him go might be the best gift you ever give him.

lindajoan 04/14/2015

Gordos, As hard as it is we must put our adult children,estranged or not, in God's capable hands and pray. Please do not let the decisions that your son is making hurt your marriage. I have seen many young men have rough roads and turn their lives around. Praying for you to have peace. His peace.

deleted_user 04/14/2015

It is truly really hard to make that decision to not mother your own child. It is also very, very hard to watch someone you love in the throes of alcoholism. Letting go of trying to control a situation that hurts your heart is very hard. But self-preservation is important. I know I wanted someone to blame, even if it was blaming myself, because if you can blame somebody, if you blame yourself, then presumably the person whose fault it is can make things better. But I agree, now, with lindajoan, that many young men make really bad decisions. Our senior pastor had serious anger when he was a young man, and hurt a lot of people, but when he was in his forties he reconciled with his mother before she passed away, and also, amazingly, reconciled with his father, who had deserted the family when our pastor was young, before his father passed away. It has been a tremendous help to our congregation that our pastor is so honest about his own struggles. And today he is such a good and Godly man. I understand your frustration with your husband, and the judge. My sisters and I had the same frustrations when our mother was a raging alcoholic from when we were age 12, 9 and 5 to when we were age 19, 16, and 12 which was when she died of cancer. I tried many times to get some of her friends to help her, and they just denied she was an alcoholic and enabled her drinking. Drank with her. My middle sister would pour out Mom's bottles at home, and beg Mom to stop drinking, but nothing worked. My then-husband and I found Al-Anon, which is a group for those who have loved ones who are alcoholic, and the first thing they teach you is that you have no control over another person's drinking. This is very difficult to understand and take to heart, but ultimately we found it comforting, because we didn't languish with guilt that we weren't doing something about my ex-husband's father's drinking, which ultimately killed his father. So, my heart aches for you, gordos4. But I agree that as hard as it is, and it may take a long time to be ready to make this step, it did for me with my ES, ultimately Brody has to make a decision himself, to get help for his drinking. Because, really, only the decisions we make ourselves, for ourselves, stick. Once he's made the decision to try to get help, you may be able to help him, but probably not until then. I know it is a hard, hard road.

lindajoan 04/14/2015

When my 24 year old son was going through rehab for drug addiction (4 years ago) my DH and I joined Families Annonymous. The first rule is Do not blame yourself and the second is that know that you can not change your love one. Please join a group like this and a prayer group.

We support you. We care and we pray for you.

MariaStevie 04/15/2015

Trust that God has your son in His hands as He does all of our children. Joining a support group for others with children who have addiction issues is helpful too. God is able.

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