I can't imagine being pulled like that between two people that you love. I am so sorry. I pray things will get better.

Sovery, No parent was perfect. Our EC were not perfect, either. They always want to pass the blame. I'm sure your DH did some right things for your son but as with all of our EC there is no gratefulness.

Your ES seems to care about you. Would he be willing to talk with your DH for you if he knew how much it meant to you? Or is the problem really coming down from your DIL?

I think for your well being you must take yourself out of the situstion and give it to the Lord. You could let your ES know that you see no other good way to handle it. What do you think?

I am so sorry you are in this very difficult situation. You do have the right to tell your ES that you had and have no control over what his father did, and that he should take up his complaints and problems with his father, WITH his father, and NOT with you. This reminds me of when my close friend, her son has been in a protracted custody battle with his ex-wife, and if his mother shows any empathy or sympathy for his ex-wife, the mother of his 2 children, he takes it out on his mother. Nobody should be asked to " take sides " in a family, the two people who are in conflict with each other, should talk to each other, and seek counseling together, if need be. Tell you ES your husband is an adult, and you have no control over how he conducted his relationship with your son, and if your son has problems with him, take it up with him. Tell him he is not good or right to ask you to take sides between your son and your husband, ES is putting you in an impossible situation, and he shouldn't be asking this of you. However, we all here on this web site, have EC who have very entitled attitudes, and think they are always right, and their mothers are always wrong or bad or somehow at fault, when we absolutely are not. And many of us just don't know where our EC got the idea they can just trash us to our faces, and get angry at us for either things we can't control, or things that they are blowing way out of proportion, or, very often, things they refuse to tell us what they even are. And we also, many of us, have DIL's that have contributed greatly to our distress. Too many men still hide behind their wives, and just let their wives run the show. Although, in my case, once I talked to my ES in some depth, I realized I was blaming my DIL too much, and that my ES was much more behind the estrangement than I had thought. At any rate, your ES is putting you in an impossible situation, and you can calmly tell him that, and tell him you can't be the person to listen to him vent about your DH. You have that right.

I agree with Linda, it sounds as if you can not win this battle and you can not let yourself be torn apart. Let your ES know you love him and are not taking sides but simply can't keep this up. When he is ready to talk and work on things you will be there.

Thank you to all. I wouldn't have dreamed of talking to my parents the way I get spoken to. I have told es, if you are not going to be nice to me, don't email. As much as I want to hear from him I don't want to hear from him like this.

sovery, I had to finally tell my ES to leave me alone until he changed his life. I was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. Then, it took me months to finally give him over to God. There is only SO much a mother can take. It is ridiculous for you to have to play referee for your husband & son. I also know how badly this can affect a marriage, it has mine, & not in a good way. Stay strong!!