I used to do the exact same thing. Anytime I would see my son's number and name come up on my phone I immediately felt an inner panic coming on. Of course now there are no calls and very very few texts but I no longer have an automatic reaction of fear and dread. I think it is because after almost two years of estrangement I am finally getting to the point where I am beginning to really turn loose of him and give him to the Lord.

It's funny that you posted this topic because I just had this realization of the change in me yesterday.

Praise God He is working behind the scenes!!!

Gordos Our ED does not call but I would panic if she text. I have to pray more for the strength to completely give her to God. I have physically in the sense of not attempting contact but mentally is another story.

gordos.....I did that for years but I can tell you that it does get better. But, in this instance, I probably would have reacted the same way too. It's like seeing a police car drive up when my DH is out 2 hours away plowing snow - not that we have police cars coming to our house but I know how I would feel if that did happen. We'll always be concerned about our kids health because we love them no matter what. Try to see it as a good thing. People who don't love would care less. You are not like that.

I know this feeling too! When my daughter had a black car every time 1 blk car had an accedent I flew into panic mode but 1st with pills & pray I was able to over come it & mnow with just pray but I always keep an anxiety pill in my purse because i never know what my ex is going to drop on me.I know I read something about this & i will look it up for you & send it to you. love martha

Thanks all, it's nice to know your not "crazy" alone lol!
Martha, I too, have pills for panic/anxiety. I try not to take them too often, but had to yesterday. My husband doesn't understand it, but he's not a mother..
I see taking those pills as a failure of faith on my part. I think God must be disappointed in me losing faith & panicking. I KNOW I should trust in Him to take care of my ES while he is lost, but it is SOOO difficult to let go completely. I hope God understands this..I know He understands me.

Okay here is the web address I guess - I'm not techniquical but I try I think the site is Seasons of Faith it was posted on March 26th2011 & here is the 1st paragraph

How to pray against anxiety, panic and fearful thoughts
Photo by Leland
When anxious and fearful thoughts come flooding in, it can be very difficult to quiet your mind and connect with God in prayer. In the middle of a panic attack, the last thing on your mind is getting alone with God. But, prayer can be very helpful in stopping those confusing and terrifying thoughts.
Learning how to pray can calm an anxious mind and fill your heart with peace:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6, 7).
When anxious thoughts, fear, panic or worry come against you, present your requests to God. Pray and petition him, and as you do, his peace which goes beyond all understanding will guide your hearts and mind in Christ. This is more than just a recommendation—it’s a truth that can transform a fearful mind into a mind of peace.
Here are some steps that have helped me connect with God:

http://season.org/how-to-pray-against-anxiety-attacks-panic-and-fear/