When I was little my mother used to say "when u hurt I hurt a thousand times more." After I became a mom I understood exactally what she meant. It kills me to see my ex use our son as a weapon against me. But I pray. Walking to the grocery store won't kill ur son. It will build strength in him. Still kills u to see ur son hurt and at the wims of this horrible woman.

We all need a little pain to help us grow. God refines us in the fire to shape us into what we need to become. I know u want to take the hurt upon urself and carry it for him. But if we could do that then our kids wouldn't grow. Tnk of how Jesus' mother felt watching her son endure the humilitation and pain carrying the cross that he was nailed onto. It will make it easier knowing that yes ur son mb hurting but he IS growing and at least he is not having to bear the sins of the world.

Hope my words help. Still kills a mother to watch.

Gordos, I feel your pain. I've watched from a distance as both my children have gone through incredible difficulty over the past few years, especially my son. Although we want to help them, that would be robbing them of the lessons they are learning and the character they are developing. Remember Joseph thrown into the pit by his brothers, and how God used his pain and misery for His purposes. God has a plan for each of our children, and although it is painful to watch sometimes, as it says in James, trials build character (paraphrasing a lot here). Your son must learn to make his own decisions.

From personal experience, not as a mother but as a person, I can tell you that I went through an incredibly difficult time a few years ago and I grew more during those 5 years of recovery, then I had grown in the first 44 years of my life.

We don't want our children to suffer, to go through pain, but they need to find their own path and have the freedom to walk that path as they choose.

Gordos, I agree that it is difficult to see our children struggle. I,also, agree that it is necessary for growing and maturity. God uses everything we go through to lead us closer to Him. I truly believe that our ED needs to hit a bottom in order to change. So did the prodigal son. May God give you His peace at this time.

Its hurts to see your children hurt because of there better half being so selfish.I just told my DIL that this is not the son we raised,he use to take pride in hiself,clothes,in everthing he would do and now he has let hisself go.We aredistant to the point that we are not included in his health and i dont want to see him hurt.He works so much,goes to school,has to do almost everything in home things a mother would and should do for her children and then argues over a b-day card even told us about not sending her one i didnt wantto send her one that should have been the last thing on her mindright now.she doent work gets no kind of assistance me and DHhas had to pull our bank account out we will lose our home,she had the nerve to ask us to take gs to get bloodwork done we said no and today she still has not took him and gs goes to allergist friday,his skin is breaking out again.We had gsfriday and saturday she text meto watch him again so she can go shop we said no we were not home,and now she told me that she told my son if he is so unhappy she will take her children somewhere else tolive.Oh how i wanted to say where u dont work he supports u and all ur children 100%,u haveno car and u cant take care of my gs now how r u going to take care of him then.I think she is using threats for me formoney im sorry for ranting but i feel for u and everyone else its painful god bless us all

Some "kids"/ young adults have to take the field trip to learn the lesson. I've got an 18 year old on a big "ol field trip right now. And, yes, it is SOOOO difficult to sit back and watch, but we have to get out of the way and let God deal with them directly at this point. Hope they learn their life lessons good and quickly!

Gordos4, everyone has already given you so much truth and wisdom here, there is nothing more to add, other than my own testimony of the truth they stated...I have had 59 years of constant struggles too, and just like CanadianMother, I too have learned, grown, healed and changed more in the last 6 years of the most difficult years of my life than at any other time. Your son needs this kind of growth to happen in him, so that he can leave the abusive situation he is in. Just like the example of the butterfly breaking out of a cacoon... It is the struggle of breaking out of the cacoon that enables them to fly. If they get help out of the cacoon, they are too crippled to ever fly. Sometimes we as parents need to grow as much as our children do in the area of being able to let go of their hands and letting them fall to learn to walk. And sometimes the best thing we can do for our children is to change and grow ourselves in order to enable and encourage growth in them.

May God bless you with peace and healing in your heart this week Gordos4!

Yes, there isn't much to add to all the good advice already posted. Just wanted to say we are here for you. Prayers and hugs

Thank you all for your wisdom & replies. I know it is necessary for him to go through pain & disappointment. He lives only 2 blocks from grocery store, he does it all the time. It's just that I saw him & saw the pain on his face. He was looking down at the ground, which spoke volumes to me. I used to walk like that until I learned to look up when I walked. When you look down when you walk, it's a sign of self-loathing. I am slowly learning to hold my head up. I pray to God to help my children through their trials & pain, but know its part of getting to where God wants them to be. I have struggled with depression my whole life, & pray my children don't have to endure the same pain. I know leslie, I often think of how heart broken our mother Mary must have been witnessing her sons torture & pain. I hope his girlfriend grows up, she will have to hit rock bottom before she learns. Im pretty sure she took my GS for the entire weekend & left Nate home alone. I just want to cry.

prayers to you,i know you are hurting and my thoughts are with you

Thank you edr1961