I'm so sorry -- this sounds soooo familiar.. Don't let your adult children define who you are; don't be their puppet. I gave up trying to figure out their personal excuses for being "behinds" -- and I'm o.k. It didn't happen overnight. My first marriage was to my children's father, who was emotionally and physically abusive -- he ripped my self esteem apart and called me awful things for 12 years. I had a female counselor that I liked so much - and one day, she pulled her chair around in front of me and took my hands in hers -- she said "you are o.k." ........... I cried and will always remember that. I went to the local University and took a "Assertiveness Training class" - and, along with many other ladies, learned how to assert myself without feeling guilty.. Long story longer, I left him and took my then 12 and 9 year olds. It wasn't easy, but such a liberating thing for me! My kids are now 49 and 46 - when their dad died in 2003, I suddenly became an awful person and they aired every grudge they could think of and made up a whole lot more.

We have to make the decision to live our lives the best way we know how and to know that WE ARE O.K.
Hugs, Nancee

A big positive was my 2nd marriage to a wonderful guy who was there for my kids; we were together 2 months shy of 25 years; he passed away 4 1/2 years ago. God has made both these journeys easier to bear -- and He tells me I AM O.K.!!

You are ok - we all are okay. Our EC have not formed these nasty opinions of us by themselves. We raised them differently. But society has such a strong hold on our EC that it is a tough battle to fight.

Detachment, detachment, detachment. That is my motto right now. They certainly don't care to hear from us so why are we wasting time trying to get them back in our lives right now? My mother used to say "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe if our kids don't hear from us but maybe they will hear "about" us that we are loving and living life to the fullest, they will be curious and become "fonder" of us.

Detachment isn't for ever; it is just now to help us really believe, as Nancee says, "WE ARE O.K."

I like that statement "Don't let your EC define who you are". I know what our ED thinks of DH and I. But God call us (mothers who are estranged) His beautiful daughters.

I believe Detachment is good. It is what I have needed, for now, also.

I'm going back to my counselor on Tuesday (btw ~ each Tuesday at 11:30 I would love to request Prayers, please....prayers to hear what is said and prayers to understand & move forward in this journey - I'm in a world of hurt right now, not eating, sleeping too, too much and crying at the drop of a hat...I do not want to be here!!)

I will ask about detachment and how it's done. Thank you dear, friends. I am so very thankful I googled you!