If your son truly wants/needs to come see his grandfather before his passing...then he will find a way...would lack of gas money or a place to stay stop you Gordos or any of us...if we truly felt the need to go????

AllK

No, it wouldn't Allkherilyn. I know deep down it's just an excuse to come & laze around my house for a week & get money without working for it...I'm so disappointed In him.

Im so sorry. If he will agree to come if all you supply him with is gas money, then I personally would help. He will see his grandfather in his dying days and maybe, just maybe it will light a candle under his backside. He may be hit with the realization of what he is doing. If he is at your home he will be witness to your pain. But if you feel that he will just frustrate you by being there, by all means just tell him that due to the circumstances you cant put him up for a week. He will have to deal with it.

Allk, great point.

I might consider giving him a little money for his return trip, but only as he is walking out the door and then I would figure how many miles he drove divided by MPG times $$ per gallon and give him just enough for return trip.

he does not do drugs?? u dont want the responsibilty of him not seeing his gpa.. i would send the gas money, when hes there give him responsibility to help. leave him at nsg home let him feed gpa, maybe there will be some insight.can u also try to make some peace here?? sorry, u are already sounding like the week will be a disaster, dont expect anything, just try to maybe enjoy hes there. u are giving him the avenue to say goodby

That is kind of my point Glazz...'u are giving him the avenue to say goodby '....the vast majority of these kids are actually adults living on their own and paying somehow for their rent and cell phones so I am assuming working...

As a responsible adult no one would need to "give me the avenue to see my dying grandparent"...I would already be on the road to make sure I got there before the passing and could see and hug him and tell him that he is loved by me. Wondering and texting "wheres the money?" is only wasting time on his part.

Now truly I might be broke and when I got home I might need to ask mom and dad for a loan of gas money that it cost me to get there and home and there is nothing wrong with that but sitting and waiting for parents to provide the avenue is exactly the entitlement avenue most of these kids are on. It his responsibilty to get on the road...and work the details out later...not the parents...they have enough on their plates with their own father passing and any kid should understand that and just get there to also help Gordos or any other parent.

We as a nation...as parents/grandparents...as a civil society must stop enabling "these kids"...they need to grow up and grow up now...time is flying....

Who is going to give these kids the avenue to make it to the bedside of us the parents...us the parents?

AllK

Well, he negotiated down to $75 now. He admitted to me that he wants to come home to "visit" with my dad, his cousins, etc..Mind you, he was home at Christmas & knew his grandfather wasn't too well then, & never made any attempt to go see him, it was all about him & how he felt. He wants to leave Omaha first thing in the morning, & isn't willing to wait for the money, he wants it Western Union.. He got mad at me & texted me "why don't you just let ME worry about my life, Im not 5 years old". THAT DID IT! I told him he is getting no money at all & if he really wants to say goodbye to grandpa, then he will figure out a way to get here. I am SO tired of being considered a piece of trash until he needs money..Im done.

gordos I would give him the low estimated $ and let him get home and see his gf. God willing, during this sad time there will be a glimmer of hope. He may see that life is short and fragile. God bless you all.

He sent me 2 more nasty texts, Im sorry, but I am not giving money to anyone who talks to me like that...God forgive me.

He must feel he has you between a rock and a hard place, knowing you want him to come see his grandfather. Under no circumstances has he the right to treat you badly. If he is being abusive, cut off the communication and let him decide what he is going to do. After all, it is his choice to see him or not and he will be the one living with it many years later. You have done what you are responsible for. You will be able to face yourself in the mirrow. I found it sad, the attack about letting him be a grown up, "Im not 5 years old", yet needs money from mommy to come home. The irony is amazing.

You are doing well, trying to hang on for dear life. Don't let your ec drag you down.

God will forgive you my dear but it certainly sounds like you are not the one to be asking for forgiveness. But I do understand.

If you need to talk tonite, send me a private message and we can chat it out. Here for you my friend.

I am so sorry for the pain you are forced to endure because of this "adult" child but you need to put some distance between the 2 of you NOT that I am a big believer in "absence makes the heart grow fonder" they would have to have a heart in the 1st place & most of these "5 year olds" don't BUT the very very last thing you need now is someone pushing your buttons when you are a bundle of raw nerves in the 1st place. He claims to be an adult so let him deal with it in “his adult” way. When we were his age nothing would have stopped us & besides as you said he was there at Christmas & did not go see his gf then like any respectable gs would. AND DO NOT let him guilt trip you tomorrow just tell him “I don’t have the time or energy for your WET BEHIND THE EARS attitude. I will always love you but I do not have to tolerate your nonesence” AND walk away.
And next time he says "Mom can you" turn & say VERY firm “mom doesn’t live here anymore so take your juvenille behavior somewhere else"
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS point your finger at the behavior we love our EC it’s the dispicable attitude that we loath. I will be praying for you. Martha (i hope you know i was using caps to stress my point & not stress you :)

nana & Martha, thank you for your support. He came to town this morning & will be staying with my one sister.. I suspect he has been telling her all sorts of things, & she has been swayed by them. Although, she herself is estranged from her son. He will try to "rally the troops" against me. I filled my sister in on the things he's been saying to me & she said "I didn't know he was saying those things to you". I said the Divine Mercy Chaplet (kind of like a rosary) last night & prayed to God for his divine Mercy. When I got done, I felt a HUGE sense of peace in my heart.
Martha I use caps to stress a point all the time, I never take any offense to someone using caps. We all get pretty worked up on here sticking up for each other, I LOVE it. I am SO thankful for this group!

Gordos I am so glad that your son made it to town to see his grandfather before he passes. I hope that you will be able to not focus on the drama with your son and just spend some time with your father before he passes. I am praying God will use this situation to heal your family.

Thank you forgottenmom! I hope that also.

I am glad to hear your ES made it to town. God bless you.