Hello again all,
I thought I would share a little of my history with you. I hope it's not too long.
My parents were divorced when I was 4. My mother moved with us 5 kids to a different city out of state. She was a severe alcoholic & abused prescription drugs, & was deeply depressed. Shortly after we moved, she married my step-dad. He was a real jerk, & started the beatings. He would beat us with anything he could get his hands on. She divorced & remarried him. I can remember all kinds of shouting, things being thrown, & the police being called several times. After they divorced the 2nd time, she became even more physically abusive & neglectful. My older brother & sister moved back with my dad, & I should also mention they were the favorites in the family. After my mom lost them, she lost all interest in me & my other sister. She would leave us for days at a time, & we would never tell anyone. The one time we did ask a neighbor for help, my mom came home, found out, & whipped us in front of all the neighborhood kids. She ended up leaving us when I was 9, with my stepdad! I didnt see her again until a couple of years before she died. Shortly before she left us, she was planning on meeting my dad (whom she hated) 1/2 way between our cities. I overheard her on the phone , the night before their meeting, saying she was going to kill him. A hippy looking guy brought her a gun & bullets. I was never so scared in my life. I didnt know my dad's phone number, so I went to bed & prayed harder than I ever have. I prayed for a blizzard.. It was election night, 1976. Shortly before I fell asleep, I swear Jesus appeared at the foot of my bed & said "everything will be okay, you can go to sleep". The next morning, I woke up to a blizzard, she couldnt go....
A week later, she left us. I moved back with our dad, who saw us as nothing more than a burden. My eldest sister has told me that neither one of us were planned OR wanted. My dad was very verbally abusive, but not physically. He constantly told me how worthless I was & would never amount to anything. I learned to pray from a very early age. Out of the grace of God, I turned out pretty well. As a result of my upbringing, I was determined to be a better mom than MY mom. I never beat my kids, just spanked them when needed, & never put them down. I did everything a mom should do. I was a little over-protective, but I think that was my instinct. That is why my sons alienation hurt so bad. I always prided myself on what a good mom I thought I was. Hope I didnt bore anyone with my long story!