Nancy you are not obligated to watch his child so he can have his good times on the weekend... you work all week and your weekend belongs to you... let him find a babysitter and pay for it... your husband is right!! you son is using you... wish you the best!

What kind of notice does he give you for his demands? Doesn't seem from when you posted this until he wanted you to be available there was much time to make plans.

Guelsmom, nope he only gives me 2 days notice at most. Then he was so mad I wouldnt babysit all 3 days, he wouldnt answer me, so I had no idea until 4:00 last night that I WAS babysitting. I really like his wife, & we get along pretty well. My youngest son pointed out something to me, he said "Mom, he isnt going to keep Avery from you because he needs you to babysit, where else is he going to get free babysitting, he uses you". While that is not fun to hear, I know it's true..

Sometimes we have to hear what we don't like to hear but what we need to hear from the people that do care about us. Your younger son is right and I can understand how this must have felt. But the only person that can bring about that change is you. Only you can put a stop to the way the older son treats you otherwise, you have to expect this to continue. Each one of us has to weigh the pros and cons of what will happen if boundaries are set for inappropriate behavior based on our individual circumstances. Most toxic people do not allow boundaries to be put on themselves. They want the freedom to call all the shots and have people at their beck-and-call any time they need them to do something for them.

I can certainly understand the babysitting for the sake of the relationship with your grandkids. I can also understand the expectations of your older son not having to pay his mom for babysitting too. I don't know of any grandmothers that charges their kids for babysitting the grandkids but if that has always been the conditions and he accepted and thought it was fair then that is how it is with your family.

If it were me, I would jump for joy at the chance but our circumstance may be different than yours for sure. I have even offered to babysit just to see my grandkids but it does not happen. So, could it be that he is angry for feeling as though he should pay his mom perhaps?

No, CarolinaMoon, that is not the issue, I have never & would never charge my son to babysit. My younger son was just pointing out the fact that his brother KNOWS I will babysit. He has to pay someone else to babysit, of course. He is angry because I wont do everything he wants without question. I am desperate to see my grandson (I only have one grandchild), & he knows it. But at the same time, its hard to do anything for him when he has such a crappy, mean attitude. I swallow my words & bite my tongue so I can see my grandson. I feel like a doormat sometimes.. but what else can I do. I want to keep the peace, like I always have.

Have you ever tried to get counseling together?

He would never go, im afraid. He is also a self proclaimed Athiest. I know his life wont be right until he has God in it. I pray for him all the time to find God.