CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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/ CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Support Group

Mon with a broken heart

ttnfl
ttnfl
A mom with a broken heart
Posted on 06/16/14, 07:06 pm
Hi, I am really glad there is a support group for this. Somehow we feel alone in these situations. I have three sons and unfortunately I am estranged from my youngest son who is 23 and will 24 this year. Like a lot of you, I don't know where I went wrong. When I divorced their dad, my youngest boy was about 3 years old. I worked hard, went to school, and kept it going despite the ups and downs. We were never homeless. Even though we didn't have everything we wanted, we had what we needed. No is perfect but I felt I did really well as a single parent of 3 boys. My two older sons are just fine but my youngest has alienated himself from me and from his brothers and basically all family. We were close and talked but it started to become rocky in 2006. He hung around the wrong crowd, sniffed inhalants, messed up in school but even through all of that he graduated with his diploma and a certificate in carpentry anyway. He stopped using inhalants in 2008 but I feel it messed up his mind. He was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I think this cause him to have a perspective that isn't factual and /or blown out of proportion. At any rate, he told me he doesn't want me or any of us to help him. He went to stay in an abandoned house without utilities, lived a homeless life, destroyed his id and his social security card out of paranoia. He had a food stamp card but gave it to random people. Long story short, he is now in jail for something he did not have to do. His brothers live right there, I'm 2 hours away. All of these choices he made didn't have to be. I wrote him two letters with no response. He has totally rejected us. I'm hurt. Most days I carry it well and then there are days I cry and today is one of them. No matter what he is my baby and I will always love him. I just have leave him in the hands of God and believe that one day he will come around. To be rejected is hard but especially from a child that you gave birth to, a child that you love with your life and was a good and responsible parent to. It's heart wrenching. I didn't even know if I wanted to write this today. I cry as I write this. Thanks for listening.
savedbyhim45
savedbyhim45
Don't beat yourself up , you did the best you could, and we can't go back. There are many things that we have no control over and I am sorry for your circumstance. I have also lost my youngest son and was a single parent raising 4 and battling depression. The pain is unbearable sometimes. God will help you, ask him to sustain you daily and for strength. I truly would not be alive no had it not been for Gods love for me. I am far from perfect but the blood of Jesus has covered me. We live in a dark world but God is light and we have to run towards the light. I will pray for you and all here. Some days will be filled with sorrow , try to reach out to those in church for prayer. Try to read scripture daily and I was told to praise the Lord more and more. It also helps to volunteer or find something to keep your mind busy. We will overcome this pain. God gives super human strength to endure such things. Keep praying daily for your son, he needs it more than anyone.
rosearch
rosearch
ttnfl - You came to the right place. You can share with us all your grief and pain anytime. You are right, we have no choice but to leave our EC's in the hands of our loving God. It is the waiting and all the unknowns that are so hard. Pray that God will send a person to stand in the gap that you and your family cannot. I will be praying for you today, for strength to make it through today. Get plenty of rest and take care of you. I have found that when I am overly tired, I tend to spiral more easily into depression. Put all your hope in the mighty hands of our Father. He cares so much for us.
sallyannlass
sallyannlass
Dear ttnfl, I echo the above by savedbyhim and rosearch. Sometimes we weep and we pray for the Lord's intervention.
Norske1
Norske1
Our youngest son became estranged at age 24 also,but because he fell in love with a women who basically gave him an ultimatum: his family or her. Obviously he chose her and we haven't seen him in many years.

What is hard, at least it was for me, is to give the ES back to God and embrace and show appreciation to the other sons you have. We have an older son who we are very close to and I remind myself all the time how lucky we are to have him in our lives. But at first all I could think about was the lost son.

It got better for me when I finally realized I had no control over the situation. Only God could bring him back to us.
whyonlychild
whyonlychild
We are very new to this whole estrangement circumstance. To make a long story short, our son (only child) is the custodial father of 4 children ages 14 to 6. Three years ago we sold our home and bought a duplex so we could be better situated to help him. We have given it our all ever since the first child was born and have been particularly close these past 3 years. We have taken care of the kids before school, after school, holidays, some weekends and of course during the summer. We were away for the day a few weeks ago. We came home to a totally empty house next to us. He left a note saying he and his girlfriend (mother of 2) were moving in together. We shouldn't have any contact with him because her huge family (4 sisters and their boyfriends and kids, 2 brothers, girlfriends and kids and her mother and father) are now his family. He has totally cut off all contact including phone, FB, Email, etc. I have no idea where they are. That was a tremendous slap in the face. It would seem as though he is going through teenage rebellion but he is almost 36 years old and would have some sense by now. Yes, I spend a good deal of time crying also. My heart and prayers go out to you. It just seems so unbelievable that our EC or yours or any of ours would do this horrible thing to us. We had no disagreement or problems of that I was aware. Yes, we all have our own story but some elements are common to most of us. This is a very support, caring, compassionate group and I am so glad you found this site as I did. I think God will carry us through these dark times. He also brings good from bad. I have no idea what that may be for any of us. But all we can do is give it all to Him. In God's infinite wisdom He will hold us, love us and give us His peace. It seems like a very long way to go but Faith is the only thing we have so hold fast. We only can control ourselves and no one else. So give him up to God along with your pain. I know this is easier said than done because there is so much pain. I struggle with it daily but ultimately know God is in charge.
Prayers are with you
lindajoan
lindajoan
This is very difficult. I have 3 sons but our estrangement is with our ED. She is 23. Our youngest son has come through an addiction. I pray your ES will,also. It does affect the thinking process. It is important to remember that you did not cause it and you can not fix it. We can put them in God's hands and pray. We can always let them know that we love them unconditionally and nothing they do will ever change that. Make sure he knows when he is ready that you will be there.

God bless you with His peace.