That's a tough one. Our ES had finished college and was working when he married DIL. But the hardest was when they had their child, we were not included in any way but her family were in pictures, present at the birth, etc. But now they have estranged them from her family as well.

soverysad....I hear ya! However, I'm not too sure whether the pain of knowing that I have already been denied the milestone events of so many things in our sons life and grandkids life that can never be repeated over again...events like our granddaughters 1st birthday, our grandson birth, our GD's first day at school, our sons graduation from Phoenix University, or his coming 40th birthday.

Estrangement just stinks! But to me, it really is not so much what we have missed out on, but what they have denied their children through estrangement. It is their children that will only know one side of their grandparents - hers. They are denying their children those wonderful memories of their father's parents and the stories we could have shared with him. They are missing out on important life lesson - like ----"you may not your parents so much but you do treat them with respect and are there for them when they need you just as we were there when you needed us." You can't teach them by using just words.....they learn those lessons by watching how their parents treat their grandparents. They also deny the unconditional love that only grandparents can show. We tried to explain that to our son, but evidently it fell on deaf ears and hardened hearts.

i too , i missed my sons gradulation from high school,, I did not get a senior pic,, and any invites did not come my way,, i decided not to go thru it alone, i never wouldve imagined that,, my dau dropped out of school,, she did get her ged,, the women at the church had a grad party for her,, no one called to invite me, i had to work anyways,, but no one made the attempt... i havent had a normal christnas since son left, and i dont expect to either not with my kids anyways.. but arent holidays overated?? will there be holidays in heaven?? well maybe ground hogg day lol... but otherwise Not

Those are thoughts that always go through my mind as well. What we might miss and even what they are missing out on. Regrets they will never be able to turn back. And you can't get them to understand that either. My ED had graduated already, but I worry about should she get engaged.....have children etc. I can't imagine the pain that will bring. There cannot be any simple answer to that to ease it. Just know so many of us understand, care and support those of you going through it. You are not alone. We cannot question His plan, but continue to trust and have faith that better things are ahead. Hugs to you all going through this now.

This post is exactly how I have been feeling, recently. I felt that I was missing out on so much when our ED left home 2 plus years ago. She was a singer in many churches and ministries and gave it all up to go with the bf at the time. DH and I had been so pleased that she was serving the Lord (or so we thought).

Then, recently, we heard that our ED is engaged (and very happy) to her present bf who she lives at the home of. It is not far from our home (which makes it harder). Not at all how parents want to be treated when their child gets engaged. Is it? It is beyond me how our ED (EC) can be happy when they have caused so much pain. It has been a struggle for me. I have several friends whose daughters are getting married this year and will be involved in the wedding planning.

Once again, I must remember that God is in control of all things. Nothing catches Him off guard or is a surprise to Him. He loves us all very much and although He said there would be sorrows in this life, He promised to be with us always.

yes, lindajoan,this not being a part of the wedding is really hurting. One of my close acquaintance's son's is getting married on the same weekend as my es. She is so excited and recently said, too bad you can't be friends with your future daughter in law. That really hurt me. I said I've really tried but I'm not getting anywhere. People out there still think it's somehow my fault. But God knows.

Sovery, Others just can not relate. I am going to start refusing to discuss it with them and let them know so if they bring it up. They do not help us or the estrangement.

lindajoan - I agree. Just a few days ago my dearest friend was talking about her daughter's upcoming wedding and all the plans and her other daughter being pregnant with first baby, etc.

I stopped her and said that I am VERY happy for her and for her children and I want to hear all about the events as they unfold, BUT she needed to take a moment and really think about what it is like to be in my shoes, with one son who wants to be married but no Christian woman has come into his life and the other son being estranged, having never met, let along held, my gchild. I continued to say that I would never want to take any of her happiness away, but sure wished I had some of it some days.

I don't think she understood at all.........or maybe didn't want to.

Sad but I was thinking of avoiding this person in the next few months. I don't have to see her often. I don't want to spoil her joy but I sure don't want to hear comments that will bring me down further.

I think that may be a good way to deal with the situation, sovery. We can not make people understand even when we have tried to tell them how heartbreaking it is. I will do the same with some people.