Momma, so sorry to hear you have this burden. Yes, marijuana does distort one's thinking. So does years of taking drugs. May your son be freed from this bondage. God bless you.

I smoked pot from age 13 to 19. I partied every weekend and got so stoned or drunk most of the time, I'd pass out. I was a rowdy girl raised in a Christian home by two of the most Godly people I have ever known, my folks. You were and are a good mother. If you did your best and asked forgiveness for the times you made mistakes, you have done what you were called to do as your son's mother. His brain is most definitely messed up from years of mind altering drugs in his body. There is plenty of research proving that our brains cannot make the proper synaptic connections that end up affecting the whole body in some way. Even the US government knows this, yet we continue to legalize it state by state. Here's a link to a government website you should read. ww.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/how-does-marijuana-use-affect-your-brain-body

Even those of us whose EC didn't do drugs are completely amazed that they could turn their backs on us and have no contact. So I am sure someone who has or is doing drugs makes it a little understandable. We raised our son in a Christian home, were strict but always there for him so he could talk to us. None of this makes any sense to any of us and that is what hurts most. This thing called estrangement is so very painful - it's almost like a death without closure. I am so glad we have each other here so we have others who do know. Hugs and prayers

When my son started "remembering" things that never happened, & how horrible I was coincided with the start of his drug use. He was on Percocet & speed (and probably other drugs). I definitely think pot or any drug can scramble the thoughts of the user. I sadly think my son caused brain damage to himself. None of us were perfect mothers, but I believe we all did the best we could. My husband & I never did one single drug in or out of our kids presence, & took them to church, etc..These kids have their own minds & opinions, they make their own poor decisions. ((hugs))

Thank you all for your comments.

This entire thing has me so baffled.

My son was also raised in a Christian home and has always been very respectful, loving and generous.

At 17 he got into drugs. For 7 years it was horrible. He was rebellious and I was at my wits end. Finally, I took a break from the relationship for one year. I was going off the deep end emotionally and told him that I could no longer stand by and watch him destroy himself.

After one year he contacted me and said that he missed me and wanted me back in his life. He did not go to rehab....I am not sure what he did, but by the time he was 27 our relationship was good again. He told me that he no longer did drugs. But I found out later that he still smoked pot.

Our relationship has been very good since he was 27. He is loving and kind and always remembers me on special occasions. His father left me in that time period. I found out later that although his father was living a Christian lifestyle, he had a secret life that I did not know about. It was a very sad time for me, but I had lots of support from my friends, church and son. He was very supportive of me.

I eventually got through my sad time and feel like a much stronger person.

After 5 years of being on my own, I met a wonderful Christian man and we married. My son loves him very much. He was so happy for me and commented several times that it was so nice to see me happy and that he thought that my new husband was better for me than his own father.

In May 2014, he asked us to co-sign a loan for him. I said no. He was furious and kicked me out of his life. I tried to contact him a few times and was attacked with vicious comments about what a horrible mother I was and all his life he has been an emotional mess because I did such a bad job and was never there for him. In all of this he mentioned some things that his father told him about me. They are all lies. But he has used that against me also.

After 3 weeks he called me and apologized and said that he wanted me in his life. But the phone call gradually got insulting again and he ended it with telling me that he had a good case against me because I was such a bad mother. I have had very little contact with him since.

I am so confused by all of this. I am trying to put some rationality to it. Why now is he attacking me? He is 35 years old. I am so hurt and can't believe it. Has anyone else had this sort of thing happen. It seems to have come right out of the blue.

He says that he is in consuling to help him heal from all the horrible things I did to him when he was growing up. What things!? He has never mentioned what they are.

This post has turned into a much longer post than I expected. Can anyone help me with all my confusion? He is like a different person. I feel so sad.

Momma, it sounds like your ES has a lot of confusion in his own life. Combine that with years of drug abuse and he is not thinking clearly. He seems to be blaming you for his poor decisions in life rather than taking responsibility. I hope he is in Christian counseling. Getting into a good church or Christian recovery group would be vital. We can not force adult children to do these things but we can suggest if we have contact with them, do some of the leg work, and most of all pray.

God bless you with peace and the ability not to enable.

Thank you Lindajoan.

Unfortuately, he is not in Christian counselling. I am not sure who his counsellor is. But at this point he would not tolerate someone who was Christian. I got him counselling once from a Christian man and he even agreed to counsel him pro bono. But my son quit after seeing him twice. The counsellor he has now is female. I'm not sure if that is good. He is very charming with the ladies.

I have no influence over him, whatsoever. He does not ask for advice and if I say anything, he mocks me. He says that his doctor and counsellor are OK with his marijuana use.

He is not a professing Christian, although I know for sure that he accepted the Lord when he was a young boy.

Thank you again for your kind support.

Counselors can help them estrange, and encourage them to blame their mother or parents as the reason they need counseling in the first place. Then the counselor may encourage them to "heal" by getting away from their "toxic" parents. Even if nobody else in the world sees them as bad parents, and the whole thing comes as a complete surprise to the parents.

Yeah, I dislike my daughter's counselor for playing this role. But I don't blame him, because he wouldn't have this power if she didn't like the idea anyway.

Just to say that it can be a factor, a piece of the puzzle.

Alana2, I was thinking that his counselor is saying things to him that is adding to the problem. But in her defence, she can only work with what he gives her. If he is saying that I was an abusive mother and that I am never there for him, she could have a hayday with that one!

Mommadarling, I have experienced the same thing with my son. He started doing drugs at an early age, and might still be using. He also has said ridiculous things to me, has been vicious and cruel. I know it is the drugs, have offered to send him to rehab. I don't know what the answer is.

In one of your previous posts on this thread you asked whether others have had accusations made that are untrue. I believe the bulk of us here, if not all of us, have had this done. The things that have been said directly to me are untrue, and I've heard little tidbits of other things said to family members that are also untrue. It makes no sense, and so myself, I've had to put it down to spiritual warfare.

None of us were perfect mothers… I know I wasn't. But, I know I did my best to protect my children and to raise them in a loving environment. I'm not sure what they think we were supposed to be like. Maybe we didn't give them enough? I've given up trying to understand and have simply moved forward with my own life.