Maria.....God love ya hon, you're going to be just fine. We all have been through those valleys of despair when our faith gets a little dim but the light for us never truly goes out because we know we have a God that loves us and cares for us. Each one of us have felt that we simply cannot withstand more testing, more trials, more disappointment and more fiery coals to walk through without answers to prayer, but our Lord does understand and is there working in the background. Things may not get resolved in our timing nor according to the way we want them resolved but we cannot give up hope.

Your post reminds me of the poem 'Footprints in the Sand' and so I'm going to post it for you to read. I hope it gives you some peace and the courage to carry on.

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

...Mary Stevenson

Maria, please stay close and let us know how things are for you and we will keep you in our prayers. Sometimes when we just can't pray anymore we need other Christians to pray for us.

God Bless,
GuelsMom

Maria, I felt the same way a couple of days ago...it just seemed that things kept getting worse instead of better. It felt like Satan was winning. It is normal to feel that way, I guess, when things don't seem to happen how we want it or when we want it. And, in reality, I guess sometimes things don't actually change in this lifetime. I am fearful that may be my situation...I really don't see how it can possibly change. It is a mountain. Of course, in church today we sang: "Saviour, He can move the mountains...our God is mighty to save..." So it is possible for him to move your mountain as well as mine.

And if He doesn't, He will give us grace and strength. I trust that. I will pray for you, dear sister...your other posts have encouraged me so much, and I wish I could likewise encourage you. You aren't losing faith...you are just discouraged. I wish I could fill you with courage! Try reading the first few chapters of Joshua...you know how much God told Joshua, "Be strong, and of great courage!" And I guess I would say that to you. We may lose some very big battles, but the war has already been won by the One who understands suffering better than any of us, and who holds our tears in a bottle.

Love and blessings,
Donna

I remember in the past when things kept getting worse, and worse. My ED who was a good student, almost straight "A's". She won a pageant for the state, great dancer, etc...then she turned 18!!! And when she did, for some reason she wanted to be a Hooter Girl! A Hooter Girl!!!!! I could not believe it!

Then she got into drugs, then she moved to Texas and got with men that offered her more money to do more than what Hooter Girls do, like dancing for men, then she eloped, then she had affairs with famous married men after leaving her husband, and the list goes on! I was going crazy as I lived in another state. I had to call the police in Texas one time as her husband and her were throwing things at each other and the glass sliding doors went crashing down!

The final result: She is back with her husband, no longer on drugs, no longer dancing, going to college, and went back to church. The last thing for her to do is contact her Mom. I helped her through much of this and suffered through this. But I learned, we have no control! Absolutely no control over our kids choices.

Hang in there...because it seems that things get worse before it gets better.

God Bless You,
Pearl

MariaStevie, I'm still fumbling around in this nightmare as well, but I am getting better. It's been 7 months now and I'm finally discovering that I need to actually put my faith in God and not just talk about doing it. I have to let go of the control and take it one day at a time. I have to listen and obey. I'm very "distracted" in my walk with Jesus so it's hard to focus on Him and stay grounded in all this pain and heartbreak. I also don't want to give up hope and just reconcile myself to a life without my ED. As flawed as I was as a parent, I need to remember that God brought her to me when she was 13 and the message was very clear at the time. I have since questioned the real reason He brought her to me: Was it to help her or was it really to show me what work still needs to be done in my own life? Or both?

I'm now in a position where she has called me a couple times in the past few weeks. The first time was to invite me to a baby shower that I had previously been excluded from for some time. This was on a Thursday and the shower was on Saturday - 2 days away. I had to decline because I was going out of town with some family members and had already committed to babysitting for them on the trip. I asked her some questions and, as it turned out, she was getting worried about how many people would show up so her motivations were pretty transparent to me, although I should probably leave the judging to someone else, right? In any event, it was a big step for her to invite me and I thanked her.

Much to my surprise, she called me the following week as well and said it was just to see how things were going. She then told me that only 2 people showed up for her shower and I felt her pain and tried to console her somewhat. I also had to stick her with the comment/reminder that it had been her decision to turn her back on me and therefore my family (who told her they would stay loyal to me until she changed her treatment of me). She said she knew that and was starting to recognize that she needs her "own family".

A few weeks ago, I was trying to move forward and just consider her out of my life and accept the situation. But God sometimes has other ideas! No matter where God takes us in this, if I trust that it is His plan, then it will make the way smoother and will bring me more comfort than if I'm trying to mess up things on my own. I hope you do not "give up the faith", MarieStevie as your posts have also brought me insights and encouragement. My prayers are with you.

Maria....I found a book that might help you. It is "Loving The Addict, Hating The Addiction: For Christian families coping with drug addiction [Paperback]
Kecia C Sims (Author)

I hope you are doing better today. ((Hugs))

Maria....I'm so glad that you trusted us enough to come here and open yourself up enough to ask for help and express your innermost thoughts. I hope we can help you now and in the future. It is comforting to us to have another Christian sister on board but wish you didn't have to be here for such reasons that brought you here.

I would say that the first thing I thought about when I read your post was that you are very scared and concerned for your EC because it seems as though you, as a loving parent, have lost all control over your EC. That would, and has caused great concern in all of us here. You are no different dear sister.

My second thought was that you say is that you say that "it is good to be on a Christian Parents group" like this. To me that means that you are still strong in your faith in Christ but wavering in you faith in God to answer your prayer in the manner in which you have been sending up requests that they be answered and that He is not answering them immediately.

Next, I saw that you say that "it seems the more I pray, the worse my EC gets and my life gets in general." First, if your child's life is getting worse, it is because she, herself, has turned away from God and has made life choices that are endangering her physical, mental and spiritual life. Our job as Christian parents is to keep praying that they turn to Christ and reject the lifestyle they have chosen instead. Keep praying that he will soften their hearts in His timing. Did He soften your heart at one time? It seems as though He did. Therefore, you have confidence that He CAN soften hardened hearts. Look around at others on here. Are we not confident that God CAN and DOES answer prayer? Are we not proof that God hears and cares about our every concern? If He cares about the sparrows, does He not care for you - and your EC? Jesus wept over being rejected by the very people that He came to save. Those people tortured Him, spat upon Him, mocked Him and denied Him before crucifying Him on the Cross. But the end prize for Him was being raised from the dead to be with the Father. That is our lot in life also - to suffer great trials and tribulations on earth with the assurance of being raised from the dead to spend eternity with the Father. God said "No" to Jesus when Jesus asked if there was any other way form mankind to be saved other than sacrificing the Son. Sometimes, God says "No" to us also but He doesn't say "No" to our final request - to be with him forever where there is no more pain, no more sorrow and no more tears.

As far as your EC and cocaine goes, as I read it, you say that your EC's Facebook page was "referencing" cocaine. "Referencing" doesn't exactly indicate usage necessarily. Do you have more details about that?

To answer the question "when will it ever get better" - I don't have an answer to that. I can only say that He does promise that the load will get lighter the more we trust Him.

Maria - I understand your feelings. I think one of the hardest things to do is to wait for Gods timing in this. I wonder all the time - when will it ever get better. I've had many times when I felt like there was a little glimmer of hope only to have it crushed a moment later.

There are some amazing and strong Christians on this site who can help lift you up when you need it most - as you can see from all the responses you've received.

I'm not nearly as good with words as some of these wonderful women, but I do know that we will all pray for you and we will all lift you and your family up to God.

Hang in there!

Guels - thank you for sharing "Footprints in the Sand". Sometimes I think we all need that reminder.

Maria, I just want to say hang in there! Read the word of God- it's your lifeline. I know it's easy to feel despair when things don't go our way. But when I gave up the reigns in my situation God's peace literally washed over me. I gave him total control because He is able and I am not. When wetruly let go, God's able to do some incredible things. But we have to wait on him and continue praying. The Bible says he'll renew our strength. And that's the truth! It doesn't mean we won'tever feel any sadness or that every day will *feel* victorious. But we can take comfort knowing the Lord is working even when we can't see it.

Some of the scriptures that help me in times of despair:

When I'm feeling bewildered and wondering why things are SO hard:
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

When I feel I can't take anymore:
We are troubled on every side, yet NOT distressed; we are perplexed, but NOT in despair;
Persecuted, but NOT forsaken; cast down, but NOT destroyed 2 Co 4:8-9

When I can't understand:
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine OWN understanding. Prov 3:5

When I feel I'm unable to bear the pain any longer:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

When I want to DO something about it:
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.Eph 6:11-12

We're soldiers in a battle for the souls of our children, I am absolutely convinced of it. The battle belongs to the Lord, but we are still IN that battle and we have been given outstandinly strong weapons - WAY more powerful than our enemies. So put your armor on and remember that you not only have prayers from all of us here coming your way, but the Lord Jesus himself - who is always interceding in prayer for us.

Hugs,
Bluemoon

Thanks so much everyone! I need to read my bible more and not let the enemy defeat me. I know that God does hear, but I miss my EC so much - the way my EC was before my EC got pulled down. Let's keep on lifting our children up to the Lord. Our prayers will prevail.

Maria....Staying in God's Word is a win-win solution anytime. When Eve turned away from God's Word the only one left to listen to was Satan - and we all know what followed that!

"Thy Word is a Lamp Unto My Feet" (Psalms 119:105)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SLHWFpSlq4

I can certainly understand missing our kids and mourning over how much they have changed and/or walked away from Christ. But, it is not unusual for children who have been brought up in a Christian home and who have received Christian teaching through church, school or home to "appear" to have turned against it altogether. A good example of that is Billy Grahams son. He certainly kept his parents on their knees for sure too! When the seeds have been planted we need to keep praying that God will make it grow.

God Bless