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Like dangling a bone

soverysadmom
soverysadmom
I send es an email to tell him happy birthday and he tells me that it's too bad we can't be together and it's up to us. DH and I have apologized for all what he has told us he's upset about from his teen years. DH says he's not going to keep apologizing. It's apparently never going to be enough for es and dil anyway, it appears. I feel like a dog who has a bone dangling in front of his nose that keeps getting snatched away. "You can see us if" but we cannot ever do enough to meet the conditions.
whyonlychild
whyonlychild
Right now I am getting the same thing from ES. We are to have oldest GD on Thursday to celebrate he birthday. Now all of a a sudden, we have to pick her up after band camp, take her friend with us since she doesn't have a ride home. We want to spend time with our GD. We know we won't have much interaction if she is with her friend. At this point, I'm afraid DH may say to just forget about it. But I know what you mean by being offered a bone then having it snatched away with conditions. My prayers and heart are with you
lindajoan
lindajoan
sovery, Did your ES mention what the "ifs" are? Are they unreasonable? Is this the first that he communicated since the wedding? It could be encouraging that he is now responding.

whyonly, I know it is disappointing that you can not see your gc on her own, this time but she may actually think it's cool that her friend came along with her gps. I hope it is a fun day for all of you.
whyonlychild
whyonlychild
Just an update. So far we have jumped through all the hoops and making it. Now ES is still probably thinking up more road blocks. My DH is at about the end of his hope. So we are still in limp. I do know of what you are saying
sallyannlass
sallyannlass
I agree with lindajoan in that sovery is making some conditions but what are they and can you meet them? It is a first step of reconnection. Do you have conditions too? Are they reasonable to your ES? These are things to consider.

Also whyonly this is an opportunity to see how your GC interacts with her friend in your company. depending on her age, she may actually think its pretty cool to have a friend meet her GPs and if her friend likes you, that peer acceptance will go a long way in making her want to see more of you and your DH. Blessings.
soverysadmom
soverysadmom
Thank you both! The only thing es will tell us is that we have to respect him but he won't tell us what that means or in what way we have been disrespectful to him.
soverysadmom
soverysadmom
Thanks to all. We don't have any conditions for es and his wife. We just want to see es and be part of his life. I imagine dil will never let it happen though. ES had almost agreed to see us once but then wrote back and said no. I think she talked him out of it.
lindajoan
lindajoan
sovery, I agree with you that DIL is probably making this near impossible. Could you ask ES what he specifically means by showing respect to him? That is a very general comment. We as good Christian parents know what it means for our EC to be respectful of us. I wonder what our EC mean when they say that to us?