CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
It's been a little over a year since my daughter had her break-down over the break-up with her boyfriend. IT was a long, cold winter of accusations and then silences which led to some brighter spots in our relationship this spring/early summer.
Well.
She's flying off the handle again, and rather viciously, so my DH and I thought it was time to really let her go. We just told her we were going to bow out of her life, while keeping her strongly in our prayers. We had invited her for the holidays a about a month ago, as all her sibs will be home. We had to dis-invite her for that. There is no way she is coming into our home with that level of disrespect and that huge of a sense of entitlement. I don't bear her a grudge at all, but there will have to be some measure of apology and acceptance of some responsibility for this mess before we welcome her here again.
This last bout of anger at me was pretty bad from her end. I've never heard her curse before, but it was f-ing that and G D this. She's in a dark place, for sure. She seems to be denying her Lord as well.
There is absolutely nothing I can do to help her while she is in this state. I hope and pray her dad and SM can get her the help she clearly needs.
I know, without a doubt, that I cannot be helpful to her through this dark time. She wouldn't have it anyway, even if I could. It was a relief to back out. And I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. The thing that God would have us do.
Well.
She's flying off the handle again, and rather viciously, so my DH and I thought it was time to really let her go. We just told her we were going to bow out of her life, while keeping her strongly in our prayers. We had invited her for the holidays a about a month ago, as all her sibs will be home. We had to dis-invite her for that. There is no way she is coming into our home with that level of disrespect and that huge of a sense of entitlement. I don't bear her a grudge at all, but there will have to be some measure of apology and acceptance of some responsibility for this mess before we welcome her here again.
This last bout of anger at me was pretty bad from her end. I've never heard her curse before, but it was f-ing that and G D this. She's in a dark place, for sure. She seems to be denying her Lord as well.
There is absolutely nothing I can do to help her while she is in this state. I hope and pray her dad and SM can get her the help she clearly needs.
I know, without a doubt, that I cannot be helpful to her through this dark time. She wouldn't have it anyway, even if I could. It was a relief to back out. And I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. The thing that God would have us do.
After a year of this, of cutting slack and making excuses for her, enough is enough. When she told me that she lost all honor and respect for me long ago, I thought, " Why do I even want this person in my life at this point, and how will it help HER if I allow her in, feeling the way she does?"
My DH and I are having a nice time together in our empty nest. But this thing, this beehive of regret and sadness and astonishment still overshadows us. Hopefully, we'll stop getting stung now.
God bless each one of us as we seek to live each day by His grace.
Why...letting go is really, really hard. Honestly, I don't think I would have but for this latest outburst, and my hubby saying, "That's enough". My mommy heart will always want to cut her slack. But that is doing her no good, and is even cementing in her the idea that I am worthless and dishonorable, and not worthy of respect. A lot of folks have told me this over the past year, but I just didn't get it until now. I see that it is the healthy thing to do for her.
On a brighter note, I get to travel out west next month to spend some time with my son, d-i-l and two grandbabies. I refuse to let THIS spill over onto the joy of THAT. How sad would that be to give my ED that much power.
Shalom