I truly wish you well with this. Anything to draw attention to the parents side of this is a good thing IMHO. I'm getting a little ired of watching Dr. Phil and his parade of over-the-top estranged parents as if they were the standard examples of the causes of estrangement. Without a doubt, most of these parents he presents as the "typical" estranged parents are clearly out of bounds and if I were one of those parents, I too would be saying that my son and DIL should "love and honor from a distance." But, that is not the case with most all parents on this group. My DH and I are no near where Dr. Phil's Marie Parone of Everybody Loves Raymond.

I wrote a book with the intention of blowing a lid off this silent epidemic. There are thousands of parents out there who don't know that we are here because they are in hiding, ashamed and embarrassed.

You are right GuelsMom..most of the time we are presented as the "bad guys"..and deserving of being shunned and neglected...which is such a grave mistake because I've come to realize that there are so many good and loving parents out there, and they are being badly treated for no good reason. None of us are perfect..but the media and younger generations need to give us a break from such bad stereotype portrayals..like you mentioned, the mother on "Everybody loves Raymond"...I can assure you, I am NOTHING like her!
I only go to someone's home IF and when I've been invited..I truly respect other people's privacy that way. I don't just "show" up and let myself in!! I've never put my DIL down..in fact I think she's a sweet young woman. If anything, I'm more apt to judge my own son (ES) with more of a parent's loving guiding eye..just want the best for both of them. My ES was sometimes very distant BEFORE he even met his now wife...he's also been a very strong willed child and very difficult to keep him from self-destructing as a young teenager. My husband & I just are thankful to God that he has a productive life today, and working at a very respectful job and serving others in that work. We are very proud of how our ES has turned out...we just aren't too happy about being completely rejected and ignored right now. The way our ES is treating us has come as a complete surprise actually..we never thought it would turn out like this.
My ES needs to turn his heart back to God..that's the major issue right now. If he was right with God, then he wouldn't have any problems connecting with us. When he first moved out on his own, and had his own place..it used to annoy him that we were unavailable on Sunday mornings..because we go to church. And when it came time to respect this, he had a hard time. One of the first signs of estrangement happened when he and his new wife (their first Christmas together) wouldn't change their Christmas Eve plans and join us as we ALWAYS attend the Christmas Eve service..they seemed so annoyed that we wouldn't change our traditions for their sake...then they refused to come over, and put off that we still went to church instead..and refused our invitation for them to join us. I understood that they didn't want to come to church, and willing to see them any other time..they were just so mad at us for not putting their wishes first.....then the slippery slope down..down..to further estrangement....because WE did NOT accommodate to THEIR wishes...
I know that God needs to be honored..ahead of our kids..that God comes first...why would I let my adult children dictate when and where I am to worship God???
Yes, I think this parent support group would be wonderful to attend..we get a lot of comfort from each other. So many out there judge us unfairly....and sometimes yes..there IS a valid reason to keep a distance..but for those of us who are suffering very undeserved rejection....well we need a soft place to land and more understanding for sure.
I understand being estranged from my own mother right now..but she is extremely abusive and it's not healthy for me to be around her. She has been enabling my oldest son to treat me badly..ongoing emotional abuse which doesn't seem to end. For some reason, my mother is neglecting my other two adult children..why...because these two younger children of mine actually treat me with great love and respect?? My youngest adult children are confused and very hurt by their grandmother's behavior..they just don't get how she can be this way and treat them badly as well. It makes them hug me even tighter..they feel real bad for me. So, I understand estrangement from both sides.
Only God can change them and make my family whole again...only God. I just need to keep God first in my life and keep my faith strong...it's what sustains me every day!

lamatoo: God bless you for wanting to help other hurting parents. What you propose to do is something I have longed for. I have searched the internet endlessly trying to find just such a retreat as you describe. I lost my only family when I lost my son and his wife. The three of us were so close. I remember my DIL telling me, "Mama, you will never have to be alone. We want you to live near us once we get our schooling done and we get settled." I don't ever remember having a birthday party growing up because of my family situation and my DIL gave me my first birthday party. I never dreamed she all of a sudden would decide to distance herself from me and take my son with her. Except for the day I do volunteer work, I am alone all the time. I long for connection and for family.

I was not a "Dr. Phil mom." I never butted into their lives. I would wait for an invitation to visit them in California. Like Maddie I would never dream of showing up at their door without an invitation. I enjoyed and appreciated so much spending the holidays with them, my birthday and I didn't call them, they called me. The once a week phone call from them was something my DIL insisted on. Sometimes I question my own sanity - was my wonderful relationship with them all a dream?? Here I am after four years of estrangement looking through photo albums, special cards and notes for proof that we really did have all those blessed times together.

I will email you so you have my email address to let me know how you progress with your plans for the retreat for estranged parents. Thank you.

I wish I could go to this retreat. But I injured my back very seriously on the job and my doctor's restrictions are so very strict right now it would not allow me to. :(

I applaud you for doing this as it is very much needed.

Sounds like it would be a spiritual help and great fellowship. Where?