CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Its been 2.5 years since my ED has talked to me on the telephone. And only about the last 10 months that she has been willing to email or text me. The communication was totally controlled by her...she would take a month to respond to anything I wrote. Her emails were very vague..but she made a point that she wanted some apologies..but these were very vague...I cooperated on all things, feeling frustrated at being controlled by her responses to emails and subject matter, and this weird stuff that made no sense..it just dragged on and on. Finally, feeling there was no progress with emails... she would email things like..'oh, I have been busy, but will get to your email soon'...and that would be another month, it felt so disrespectful...I just responded with a bit of sarcasm asking 'how long this restriction of email only is going to go on'...why can't she just pick a phone up...does she insist on this communication with all family members'...no response. Now 3 months have gone by. So today, i left her a voice message (she refuses to answer the phone, and I am done with the emails) and told her that I was no longer seeing her emails, text, or voice memos, but would welcome a call. I stated things very kindly, but matter of fact...that I did not want to participate and enable this dysfunctional behavior. (She has been doing this for the last 10 months, I just had had it..it was like a game).
She got my son roped into getting made at me too, but then he dropped the whole thing and called me last February. When I asked him if we needed to talk about what he was upset about...he said he couldn't even remember!!! (the ED has a lot of influence ...I knew he didn't even know what he was suppose to be mad at me for, I just told him I loved him and waited and prayed) At least he came to his senses!!!
I just needed to write today...I am hoping I did the right thing...I have thought and prayed about it for the last 3 months...afraid to call her hand, but then feeling led to step up, be heard and stop participating in the sick behaviors. Every email hurt. I think until she wants to really communicate and not play games, it is better I don't hear from her...let the hurt scar over again.
I wish I understood why so many of our children today have taken this route with parents. I would never have thought of doing this, I would have not be able to sleep at night if I thought my parents were hurting and I would never have wanted to deprive my children or their grandparents! So sad...thanks for reading and letting me share!
She got my son roped into getting made at me too, but then he dropped the whole thing and called me last February. When I asked him if we needed to talk about what he was upset about...he said he couldn't even remember!!! (the ED has a lot of influence ...I knew he didn't even know what he was suppose to be mad at me for, I just told him I loved him and waited and prayed) At least he came to his senses!!!
I just needed to write today...I am hoping I did the right thing...I have thought and prayed about it for the last 3 months...afraid to call her hand, but then feeling led to step up, be heard and stop participating in the sick behaviors. Every email hurt. I think until she wants to really communicate and not play games, it is better I don't hear from her...let the hurt scar over again.
I wish I understood why so many of our children today have taken this route with parents. I would never have thought of doing this, I would have not be able to sleep at night if I thought my parents were hurting and I would never have wanted to deprive my children or their grandparents! So sad...thanks for reading and letting me share!
There will be difficult days ahead, though. Stay strong in the Lord and pray when you feel weak in the knees about your last communication. Abusive people (our EC's) actually leave their victims (us) feeling guilty when we stand up for ourselves.
I had to make a decision 6 years ago, knowing my daughter might possibly estrange again, but I had to do it for my own financial wellbeing, which she was beginning to exhaust. I knew in my heart she was simply using me again, and I couldn't financially afford what she and her husband were wanting. I knew I was taking a risk when I turned them down, but I had to finally protect myself. I had days when I allowed myself to feel guilty over not giving them more money, but I know I did the right thing.....and so are you. :)