I totally agree and what we choose to do depends on our particular ED and the circumstances surrounding the estrangement. We all have to make the choice which 'fits' us and our situation. Great food for thought!.

Not quite to the point of letting go so I keep praying for the strength and guidance to accomplish letting go. I realize it is the best thing to do. There are days when I'm stronger than others. I also know that the stages of grief apply here. One day I will arrive at acceptance and then healing will occurred. I do need to let go for my own health and.the health of the other relationships in life.

Thanks.for your thoughts, care and teaching

ersloveu....when estrangement was only months away for me and not into years, I had no clue how to let go - intellectually yes, spiritually yes, but emotionally no. As you say, acceptance comes before healing, but for each one of us it is, was, and will be different timing. You are where your are and you feel what you feel - for now. You will know what you have to do to let go and when you have to let go. The most important thing that will help you along that path, you are already doing - talking and helping others.

God Bless

Respectfully, there is no "cookie cutter" answer for every one of us. We are all beautifully and mysteriously made by our God Most High. What works for one may not work for another. It is a process in itself.

Estrangement means: To make hostile, unsympathetic, or indifferent; and alienate from once was a relationship built on laughter, new beginnings, Love, forgiveness, and other situations where parents helped their children. When the relationship is severed, we go into shock, unbelief, a true disruption of our bond with our children. Its like hitting a car head on!

Then comes the journey, the roller coaster ride, the questions that circle continuously through our minds, and great, great despair. It is then that the Lord begins to show us our weaknesses, our strengths, a new balance, getting rid of the old and embracing the new. We learn to trust again, to have more faith, to suffer and rejoice. As we look into the mirror we see another person, our true selves, who we are, and what God is shaping and molding us into.

We learn to "let go" when we "get it." When we finally say, "ok this is enough, I've got to move on." "What is it Lord that you want me to learn from this to better serve you?" What can I do to help others, or change some old behaviors. Sometimes I even feel that the Lord is showing us to detach from our children in order to focus on Him moreso. To do a work on us and in the end He will not let us down.

At times parents tend to define themselves through our children. You know what I'm saying. When you go to family events and proud parents are bragging about their children as if it is an extension of themselves. When they fail, we feel like we have failed, rather than understand they are now on their own journey. We are not the failures, rather the fans on the sidelines yelling, "come on, you can do it!"

I believe for myself that this is a time to learn how to separate, get going on God's journey further, and He eventually will bring it back to focus for us within His will and what is perfect in His eyes. For some it could mean reunification, for some maybe the Lord knows that it will destroy you and keep the relationship severed for your own protection, and for some its learning to balance the two, God and Children. What is my main purpose here on earth? To do God's will. That is what I focus on and the rest He will take care of. It doesn't mean we won't suffer, we will, we have, we continue to.

There's a mystery to this estrangement with our children. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but if we have been chosen to forsake the very thing that God has blessed us with, then I would have to say, we are the ones He sees great strength in, He sees that we are able to help others in the midst of our own trials, He sees us as beautiful and Loving people seeking to find Him and to continue in His purpose in the midst of our suffering. We have not laid down!


1 Peter 4:12-16
New Life Version (NLV)
Stay True During Suffering
12 Dear friends, your faith is going to be tested as if it were going through fire. Do not be surprised at this. 13 Be happy that you are able to share some of the suffering of Christ. When His shining-greatness is shown, you will be filled with much joy. 14 If men speak bad of you because you are a Christian, you will be happy because the Spirit of shining-greatness and of God is in you. 15 None of you should suffer as one who kills another person or as one who steals or as one who makes trouble or as one who tries to be the boss of other peoples’ lives. 16 But if a man suffers as a Christian, he should not be ashamed. He should thank God that he is a Christian.

We are here in whatever stage you are in. Even when we want to do it ourselves, and go back and try to rectify the relationship without God's timing. We may succeed, but is the lesson fully learned. The lesson of what the estrangement is really about.

We are God's Most Excellent Children. He made us, He made our kids, He is definitely in charge, and we in a sense have been chosen to serve Him even during estrangement, to be a witness to others, and to help those who have been consumed with despair. And for that alone, I Thank The Most High God.

His Kid,
Pearl

Thank Pearl that was so eloquently written.

Good Job Pearl!!