almost a Cardinal rule. Stay off Facebook.

I am so sorry this is happening to all of us. It will get better. I would also caution agains talking to clergy who know nothing about estrangement. Yours may be great. Some aren't.

Look at the threads of what FB has done for the spirit of our friends on the different sites of estrangement. We do this to ourselves.

I learned blocking people that will only give me information that hurts my heart to be the best way to save m sanity and lessen my load. If it is finding out about a marriage or a new grandchild that hurts. Finding out they are ridiculing you hurts. If it is they went to Europe with their best friend, that still hurts. It is toxic to many of us.

So sorry to hear of this added pain in your life. You do not deserve that treatment. God bless you.

I guess it goes both ways. People are hurt when they find things out that they're excluded from. That would be very hurtful knowing you're not going to attend your own child's wedding. On the other hand, I would like to know what my ED's doing. Is she married? Does she have a child like I suspect? I pray for a child I don't even know really exists. At least you can pray for the marriage. Give the hurt to God. Talking to a person really helps too. If your pastor's helping you, that's great. My pastor lost his son to alcoholism. It's not the same thing as estrangement, but he understands a parent's grieving heart.

I am sorry this is happening to you.

Thanks all. You're right. Pastor doesn't understand.

You poor woman, I have walked in your shoes. When I thought Id get some support and just to know someone cared , the pastors were the absolute worst!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny , because i grew up in a pastors home, my grandfather and uncle were pastors, as a brother(who really sucked) and found out it goes back,,, so tell me why i went thru this.. 2 pastors were just the worst, im not sure they were saved. As women we try so hard, to meet demands from society, the church, and family. when one or in my case more fails u , u tend to take it personally. There are alot of pastors out there that just havent any empathy, they just wanted a microphone. I work as a nurse , and am just shocked how distant pastors are, some dont even go by the bed. You have friends here, that fully understand weve been there. I sometimes wonder do other people know how lucky they are?? I dont go into many stores during the holidaze. but when i do and see the families with children, I wonder do they appreciate and cherish this, who willl be next?? It still amazes me how many parent are going thru this I hope u have peace tonoc

Pastors...In my experience we are better off with each other. It's very rare when you find one who actually is a true man of God. Sorry you were not helped by yours. My former one actually drove the ED away.

I too find out things from others posted to Facebook. When she wants to shame or taunt us it is up there. I only have them tell me when it is something fairly important or useful. I was not at my ED's wedding because I knew her intended was a terrible choice for a husband. We warned her in advance because of his behavior toward the GC that we would not dignify this by attending but she ignored us. It only got worse from there, much worse.

I hope this is not the case for you. These things take some unexpected turns, and each one is different. Do give the hurt to God, for her. Hoping the best for you, and healing...

I'm so sorry. I know your pain. This is hell on earth.
(hugs)

I guess I'm lucky, because I found my pastor to be very helpful. He does know a lot about estrangement and just life in general. He has been through a lot himself and is a very educated and insightful person. Sovery, only you can decide if you pastor's help is something you want.

Personally, some of the things I needed help with had little to do with the estrangement. I needed help with faith in general. He was able to guide me and help me get back on track. That's just me. It's different for everybody, but I'm just saying sometimes your pastor can be of great help.

To be honest, I have never been very religious at all. However, I have learned through all of this that having faith to hang on to can be a very positive thing. Lj2

LindaJean2 So glad you found a good pastor. What a blessing to have someone lead you to a stronger faith in God. We all need pastors who are called to do that.

soverysadmom......I am a sad mom too......my son is getting married to a horrible girl who has systematically turned my once loving and kind son against me and into a total selfish jerk ......in a little less than 2 years she has totally tranformed my sons personality .......he used to be so kind and supportive....loving and good....and now he is selfish, mean, cruel. hateful and just horrible......my heart is breaking in a million pieces..and I don't know how to fix any of it....and what is worse I have no one else...he was all I had.......I got divorced from his dad 4 years ago........after my son told me I should because my husband...his dad was abusive to me for 20 years and my son talked me into divorcing him and said he would always take care of me ...etc etc...I have horrible health issues and am disabled....anyway my son did take good care of me and does pay the bills etc until he met this girl and now my son treats me like crap..and is as abusive to me as his dad was.....so I do know how you feel....it is horrible and no one can help......I am lost without my son.....I am like David in the bible calling out ( Absolom MY SON MY SON) as he lost his son........the pain is unbearable....

I am thankful that we have a Savior who understands our pain. He weeps with us. We care about each one here and uphold you in prayer.

Liindajean and Lindajoan, God bless you. Pastors are obviously not the problem. They are human and fall short of the glory of God. I agree that the young people are masters at using facebook as an offensive weapon. The parents don't understand the way this technological leverage is used by young people, and we get blind-sided. We must learn to love from afar when that is the best option for all.