CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I know. Our EC aren't treating us nicely. They are inconsiderate, manipulative, uncaring and cruel. It hurts.There's no denying that. Our human nature reacts with outrage, anger, hurt and depression when we are mistreated by our own adult children and these feelings are necessart and normal. Its not the way it should be. Its wrong. We are not responsible for their behavior. We were not perfect parents because there are no perfect parents, but despite this, we didn't cause them to choose these behaviors. We did not estrange ourselves. They estranged themselves by choice.
So I thought about we could get better. How we could even turn their cruelty into our victory. How we could rise above the estrangement. Not by trying to retaliate or trying to fix the estrangement. Neither will bring us victory.
I think that some of these things can lead us towards victory.
>Forgiving: Why? Why should we forgive them for their mean and hurtful ways? Because when we forgive, we heal ourselves and we release all the negativity they bring upon us. When we forgive, we aren't bound by the hurt their actions have caused us.
>Detaching in Love: Detaching doesn't mean cutting off our EC. It means we don't attach ourselves to anything negative that they do. We detach ourselves not in anger, but in peace and in love - in love for ourselves and in love towards them.
>Releasing: We release our EC not discard them, but release them to live their own lives and make their own choices good or bad. We release them to the natural consequences of the choices they make by not interferring with natural consequences or trying to give them consequences because they are now adults.
>Loving: How can we love someone who doesn't love us and treats us so badly? Because love is a choice as is forgiveness and when we can love others we can overcome. We don't love their actions, but we love them.
>Praying: When we pray for ourselves, we regain peace, strength, faith and hope. When we pray for those who hurt us, we bring blessings and healling to ourselves. Praying for those who hurt us is the best thing we can do for them because our prayers bring them into God's care.
This is how we turn cruelty into victory! We are not defeated.
So I thought about we could get better. How we could even turn their cruelty into our victory. How we could rise above the estrangement. Not by trying to retaliate or trying to fix the estrangement. Neither will bring us victory.
I think that some of these things can lead us towards victory.
>Forgiving: Why? Why should we forgive them for their mean and hurtful ways? Because when we forgive, we heal ourselves and we release all the negativity they bring upon us. When we forgive, we aren't bound by the hurt their actions have caused us.
>Detaching in Love: Detaching doesn't mean cutting off our EC. It means we don't attach ourselves to anything negative that they do. We detach ourselves not in anger, but in peace and in love - in love for ourselves and in love towards them.
>Releasing: We release our EC not discard them, but release them to live their own lives and make their own choices good or bad. We release them to the natural consequences of the choices they make by not interferring with natural consequences or trying to give them consequences because they are now adults.
>Loving: How can we love someone who doesn't love us and treats us so badly? Because love is a choice as is forgiveness and when we can love others we can overcome. We don't love their actions, but we love them.
>Praying: When we pray for ourselves, we regain peace, strength, faith and hope. When we pray for those who hurt us, we bring blessings and healling to ourselves. Praying for those who hurt us is the best thing we can do for them because our prayers bring them into God's care.
This is how we turn cruelty into victory! We are not defeated.
I struggle with the extremes of trying to reconcile all this mess and at the same time thinking the nonsense actions of EC which I'm reclassifying it as just a difference - the truth is there is a vast difference that at times seems like a Shakespearean tragedy (for my own definition) - is the polar opposite of a comedy; it "...exemplifies the sense that human beings are inevitably doomed through their own failures or errors, or even the ironic action of their virtues, or through the nature of fate, destiny, or the human conditionto suffer, fail, and die...." In other words, it is a drama with an unhappy ending.
I mean who rejects resources to make a life better and yet take the option to try to live on their own like vegabonds - our EC contacted once to ask for more money saying she had to starve/skip food on some days. Actually it has been her choice to go parties, outing travels, chilling with entertainments and shopping.She also mentioned she wanted to figure out and mature up.
I don't mean to make light of these things here but after now over two years of back and forth detachment, estrangement, and rejection - I think I want to now wise up. I am tire of feeling awful with guilt, blame and sorrows. And so yes I refuse to fund her lifestyle.
As He in infinite wisdom advise us..."whatever is true,...."
God bless us all.
So hard to stay positive, when we have to deal with such negative treatment..but I like what you wrote slippery, "who rejects resources?" and "I think I want to now wise up".
Also, 6infamily, I have received so much support here..and when we help each other out, we are actually helping ourselves in the process. You are so right.."I could not do this alone"..and God has set this place up as a source of comfort for me, and I am so glad for many of you as well. We were not meant to walk through trials alone..He loves to see us holding hands and encouraging each other.
GALATIANS 6 verse 2 "Carry each others burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Prayers to everyone here. Maddie