I am so sorry for all you have gone through with your children. So many Christian families have gone through difficulties with their teens and 20 something kids. It is the enemy and it is the world we live in and it is peer pressure and it immaturity and poor choices on their growing journey. The enemy would love to take you and your DH down but Jesus will be your rock.

Looking back years from now you will see the answers to prayer. Their story is not written yet.

God bless you. Praying!

Givingup... I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can totally empathize with you - I am 2 for 2, one of them was also a teenage pregnancy - it was her pregnancy that was the straw that broke the camel's back in an already shaky marriage. Seems she has been breaking my heart forever.

Your son sounds like he's a good kid - not many kids today don't know what remorse is, so that's a big plus for all of you. Kids just don't seem to see the big picture - so many don't have the maturity to realize that their actions have consequences. I'm sure your son does now, so that is already one good thing that has come from this - a lesson learned. Since it's his first offense, pray the judge will only sternly reprimand him and then give him a short probation that won't tarnish his future plans. Judges do have a heart and will give a good kid a break when they feel there is a good probability there will be no further problems. Do hope for the best outcome and try not to entertain thoughts of the worst possible scenario as it seems that your son is far from being a criminal. The fact that he is remorseful will be something the judge will take into consideration.

I encourage you to stand by your son and not let this event rock your world, because that will make him feel even worse he needs you both to be strong now. Let this bring you together and strengthen you - do not let Satan into the door of your marriage that way. One day, when your son is married and has own children, how you and your husband react to and handle this situation will be something he'll look back on in how to respond with his own children in a similar situation. I pray that this will be a blessed opportunity for all of you to come together even closer than ever and lean on the Lord for His wisdom and strength. The Lord loves you and your family and He is with you even in this storm - He will never leave you or forsake you - He promises that ALL things work together FOR GOOD to those that love Him and are called according to His purposes. Trust Him through this - He will not fail you!

I believe all will be well.

Mountain Girl



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At least one, maybe more of Billy Graham's kids were prodigals. I love Mrs. Graham's quote from her book: "Prodigals and those who love them" she said: "Dear God, tell them You had trouble with your children too." God understands what you are going through ... look at the children of Israel for example who were disobedient many times over, or Adam and Eve's kid ... one brother killed the other. Or, King David, his son Absolom ... built an army against his own father and died trying to conquer him!
Look at the mankind whom God loves and sent his Son Jesus as our atonement for sin ... yet many reject Him, His gift of salvation and eternal life with Him and His love.

I've been estranged for 5 years now, complete silence from my ED ... It's now how I would wish things to be ... and she has tied our hands to the point that we can only pray for her ... But, I know God is working ... and that takes faith and I know she may not turn around in my lifetime even. God's ways are not our ways, but He is sovereign and I trust Him to work things out.

As far as the toll on the marriage ... I get it, been thru it more than once as we had a baby die and had to get thru that before the estrangement ... 85 percent get divorced after loss of a child. The reason? It's mostly because you expect the other to grieve in the same way and it's such an upset ... on is up when your're down, or visa versa ... My advise is BE PATIENT and just LOVE ON ONE ANOTHER ... give each other SPACE you need to grieve this and then don't put your own expectations on God, on when he should intervene and cause a change in your kids, or even a timeframe you have in mind.

Look at the story of Lazarus for example ... they told Jesus to come ... it seemed like he took his time and He was dead by the time he got there! But, God had a bigger plan than what anyone there could have even imagined for Lazarus and those grieving his death!

Losing our own kids to estrangement is a grief and sorrow, for sure, but like those who mourn the loss over their dead loved one ... to those who believe, we have HOPE in Jesus ... His love and his mercy is something we can't even wrap our heads around. Lean into that and don't let Satan steal your joy ... and yes, you can still experience joy, even in times of trouble. God is there for you ... keep forgiving your kids, keep giving it to Him and then let Him take it ... and all the consequences that go with it... Prayers to you ... you can get through this with Him.

lindajoan, thank you for your words of encouragement. my sister says the same thing to me "this story isn't over yet", so good to be reminded.

mountaingirl, sorry for all you've be.en through with your 2. I do believe that Satan is trying to get to us where it hurts the most- our children and our marriage. thank you for the reminder of the promises in Scripture that are true and real!

difficulttime, I have read Ruth Graham's book on prodigals and it was very good. so sorry about your 5-year estrangement. must seem like an eternity. but you reminded me that we, too, see God working, even through all the pain. He is working in my ED and in my precious, immature son! thank you for reminding me to give my husband space. you are so right that we do grieve these pains in different ways.

love you all, and I'm not one to throw around that term. you are precious Christian sisters- thankful God allowed our paths to cross.

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but our daughter got a DWI when she was 21. We were SO mortified and afraid it would get put in the local paper (it never did) but we had to go bail her out of jail on a Sunday morning and the bail place was right around the corner from our church! She was and is a good kid, but she just made a stupid mistake. She was remorseful too, and I never considered her a "prodigal". Now she is 26, married, and a mother to a little boy, and she and I are very close. Our ES, on the other hand, never gave us a single trouble in the world and yet look how he turned out!

Yes that does make me feel better- I love success stories. We actually made my son spend the night in jail to prove a point (it was horrible for him- he was in adult general population) and bailed him out the next day- MOTHER"S DAY. He was crushed at our family's tears- especially mine and my mother's about his arrest. I really believe this will be a turning point in his life. But the consequences and fallout over the next year could be really painful. Thanks for giving me a bigger perspective.

givingup: I'd just encourage you to not try to mitigate the circumstances your son is creating ... it is so much better for him to have the consequences now, than for it to go on later.
My son is about to graduate from college, and he'd get off track and I was trying, for his sake to keep pulling him back ... to which he often rebelled ... I had to give up on what my dream for him was, and let God take control of it. Recently, he rebelled again and my husband put his foot down when he had been extremely disrespectful to me and to his father ... my son stiffened his neck ... refused, so my husband said, well, that's the rules here, so you can leave. My son was cocky and walked to the front door and looked at me and said: "ok, if that's the way you guys want it" ... as if I were going to interve and stop him from leaving ... (I think he very much secretly wanted me to) ... but I just softly said ... "it's your choice, you can streighten up ... or not" ... He clinched his jaw and walked out the door. It was only 24 hours that he was gone ... came back home when his dad was at work ... I said, "what are you doing here?" He said sheepishly ... I'm sorry Mom ... I held out my arms to him, smiled and said I forgive you, my prodigal ... sorta tongue in cheek ... I could tell he was relieved... But then, I also said, you need to work things out with your dad ... which he then apologized to him and asked if he could continue living here ... my husband told him ... it had been his choice all along ... and along with his decisions come consequences.

Anyway, ALL THAT TO SAY THIS: It was EXTREMELY hard on me, knowing that he only had a little over a month to graduate from college and that his being out of the house could mess it all up. Also, I might have next seen him again ... but I learned my lesson from my daughter who estranged ... you just can't walk on egg shells ... The find a way to do exactly what they want to in the end anyway. Once they are this age ... they have to own their decisions.

All this only happened a little over a week ago with my son ... the good kid in the family!!!! Ugh ... it took a huge toll on my already bad health, and the thought of having a 2nd one estrange just took me down very quickly ... but even in the darkest moments of that 24 hours ... God was there ... He's so good, so with me ... It was still a huge blow to me physically and emotionally ... and who knows, maybe someday my son will estrange too ... but the thing I know for sure, whatever we go through ... GOD IS WITH US ... He will shelter us in the shadow of His wings ... isn't that beautiful, and comforting??
So hang in there with your son ... let his mistakes and decisions be his, not yours ... I'm hardly embarrassed anymore over this stuff ... It just is. HUGS...

Yes, we made our daughter spend the night as well, and she said that was the most horrible, degrading experience she ever had. The jailers actually did separate her from the general population (I have no clue why) but she said the toilet in her cell kept flooding so they were forced to put her in with the general population. She said she was absolutely terrified, but I think it taught her a lesson. I must say that was a dreadful night for DH and I. We knew she was in jail, because she was allowed one phone call so she called our oldest son, who then took her car and drove it to our house, and he told us what had transpired. It was 4am! I will never forget it, but at least she was alive, so for that I am eternally thankful.

I don't think a mistermeanor will affect him getting into the college he wants to go to.....as long as all the other stuff is good...they look mostly at his GPA and his SAT or ACT scores.....and then they look at extra curricular activities like charity work etc......I am sure he will be fine and will get over this experience.....it happened to me when I was 19 and I still went to college.....we all make mistakes....and God forgives us and wants us to forgive too......