CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Well, it's been 10 months since my 2 boys left (14 years old). I have my ups and downs. I have more ups than downs lately, but this one really just hurt so bad I am having a hard time getting over it. My husband and I went out for dinner last Friday night. While we were waiting to be seated, we were standing outside and my ex husband walks in front of us and walks in the restaurant. Unbelievably he didn't make any rude remarks or give us dirty looks (this coming from a man that physically assaulted both me and my husband). So, that was a plus. He walks in and goes to the bar. 5 minutes later one of my son's walks up (by himself). He walks right past me. I say "Hi!" (very nice). He takes one look at me, puts his head down and says "Oh, hello" and then runs into the restaurant. When he gets inside he turns to look back at me and then he darts to the bar. I can't tell you how badly that hurt my heart. I swear if you can see the picture of Jesus standing there when Peter denied him for the 3rd time - just Jesus's face - like, really? So sad. That is how I felt. I was looking at my son like "Really?" If that wasn't enough...my husband and I go into the restaurant to tell the hostess we would be leaving. On the way out, 5 minutes later, as I am opening the door, my ex husband's wife and her friend walk in. I am holding the door open for them! I swear you just can't make this stuff up! I mean, how is this possible anyway? First the ex husband . . . 5 minutes later my son . . . 5 minutes later the ex's wife! Why didn't they come in together? Geez.... Anyway, as I am holding the door she looks at me with disgust and say "Oh geeeeeezzzz, look who it is" to her friend and they proceed to laugh and mock my husband and I who are standing there holding the door open for them. My flesh wanted to punch her lights out! This woman had an affair with my ex-husband, took him from me, and now has my boys and is mocking me about it!
I have been so upset over this for days. And I feel very very alone. Like I have no one to talk to. I don't want to alienate my friends by crying over my boys all of the time. I don't want to alienate my husband or daughter either. I am just so devastated. This is my son. The one I carried for 9 months inside of me, nursed back to health when he was sick, sat and did homework with him, took him on vacation, etc. and he treated me like I was a monster that he needed to run from! It is such betrayal.
Many times I feel so hopeless. Like it is really over. I have lost my boys forever. And I don't know why! I don't know what I did! I have prayed and prayed and prayed. Am I reaping something I have sown? Why won't God help me? Heal my heart? I am just so sad.
Thank you for letting me vent.
Triplet Mom
I have been so upset over this for days. And I feel very very alone. Like I have no one to talk to. I don't want to alienate my friends by crying over my boys all of the time. I don't want to alienate my husband or daughter either. I am just so devastated. This is my son. The one I carried for 9 months inside of me, nursed back to health when he was sick, sat and did homework with him, took him on vacation, etc. and he treated me like I was a monster that he needed to run from! It is such betrayal.
Many times I feel so hopeless. Like it is really over. I have lost my boys forever. And I don't know why! I don't know what I did! I have prayed and prayed and prayed. Am I reaping something I have sown? Why won't God help me? Heal my heart? I am just so sad.
Thank you for letting me vent.
Triplet Mom
There's not a whole lot you can do. It appears they have chosen to act this way. Now its time for you to cut the ties and move on. God is with you on this. He sees what is going on and HE has not forsaken you. He's working it out for you and all of us, we just cannot see the end result.
I hope you take care of yourself and do things for you and Hubby that make you both happy. Pursue happiness and lay down the injustices from your son and others. Maybe have a box of your thoughts and feelings regarding this situation and put it in the box for God to take care of. Its a symbolic way of releasing it from your thoughts so it doesn't consume you.
Just know, We Love you and we understand how this can be overwhelming. But you will find peace and there will be a time when their actions will not immobilize you or bring on emotional distress.
Hang in there,
Pearl
What a heart breaking situation to endure. So glad you stayed calm. They do sound like very unhappy people. When people don't anything to do except to try to make others miserable, they are living very shallow, empty lives. Keep your dignity and don't let them bring you down with them. Of course it hurts so very much but God will give you the strength and wisdom to prevail. He does hear our prayers and answers in His time and way which is better than we can imagine. Just keep on holding His everlasting arms. We all are suffereng, we all understand and we all care. God be with you
About the son....I think seeing you in the flesh again troubled him. It is one thing to text cruel messages because you can't see the person. I think seeing you made him aware of his behavior and he was feeling VERY guilty and embarrassed for it so he couldn't bring himself to say more. Also, the fact that he ran to his father, to me, means that he was afraid you would say something about his past behavior to him. Maybe some pangs of guilt???
As the other woman who destroyed a marriage, she has to try and get you to be rude to her so that she can have something on you. If she succeeds in doing that, she gets to ignore the fact that she ruined a family for selfish reasons. She must know that because she would have tried to be nice to you if you had been the one to ruin the marriage years earlier.
Overall, I think you did MUCH better than I would have under those circumstances. Kudos to you! Let them own their own rudeness. You can't do anything about them. There are always going to be people like that in this world. If nothing else, that is one of the biggie lessons that God has taught me from this estrangement. God does bring good out of evilness.
You're going to be ok!